


Book 1: Breaking In

by arindahtheta



Series: The Steadfast Tin Doctor [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Adventure, Angst, F/M, Pete's World, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-03 18:51:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 54,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1754537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arindahtheta/pseuds/arindahtheta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There were once three-and-ten tin soldiers..." The metacrisis Doctor is left in an unfamiliar universe with nothing but the clothes on his back, a piece of TARDIS coral, and one heart. Rose is unsure of the familiar stranger, but when the Doctor becomes gravely ill, it's left to her to save not only his life, but any chance they may have of a future. Can they stand together, steadfast against the odds?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Their Journey's End

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a collaboration between two authors, originating from an RP. It is the first book in the Steadfast Tin Doctor series.
> 
> We do not own any of the Doctor Who characters mentioned, they belong to the BBC. The Steadfast Tin Soldier is a children's story written by Hans Christian Andersen.
> 
> We hope you enjoy the story!

_There were once three-and-ten tin soldiers. They were all brothers, born of the same old tin spoon. They shouldered their muskets and looked straight ahead of them, splendid in their uniforms, all different, according to their person._

_The very first thing in the world that they heard was, "Tin soldiers!" A small boy shouted it and clapped his hands as the lid was lifted off their blue box on his birthday. He immediately set them up on the table._

_All the soldiers were alike except one. He was a little different as he had been cast last of all. The tin was short, so, while his brothers all had two splendid hearts beating bravely in their chests, he had only one. But there he stood, as loving and noble with one heart as any of the other soldiers with their two._

_But just you see, he'll be the remarkable one._

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The metacrisis Doctor stood quietly on the beach, watching as his TARDIS slowly faded away. No, not his TARDIS. Not anymore, and really never to begin with. He'd traded his past, but it was worth it for Rose Tyler's hand in his, as it was right now. He took a breath of Terran air. Time to get used to it.

Rose was numb. A million miles away, still in that blue box and holding the right hand instead of this stranger's on the beach. She turned to look at him, this man who looked like the Doctor, sounded like him, even smelled the way she remembered. Rose stared into those molten brown eyes and felt his skinny fingers knit in hers and couldn't breathe. 

This was worse than regeneration- he wasn't the same, couldn't be, she had seen the Doctor leave. He wasn't the same man who looked different, it was _worse_. He was different, and yet looked painfully the same. 

The ocean waves roared in Rose's ears, her chest heaving more and more quickly, and she yanked her fingers out of the man who had stolen the Doctor's face, staggering away to where the TARDIS had faded out of existence.

The Doctor’s eyes widened at that, and he felt his hearts- no, no, his _heart_ \- seize a little. He took a single step after her, but stopped, knowing that it wasn't the time. He looked after her, his eyes tracing her familiar form, noting the shoulders, squared and strong, but there was a slight bend to them and he knew she was fighting just curling up on herself. He blinked slowly, wanting nothing more than to comfort her but knowing that that wouldn't be a possibility right now. Perhaps not ever.

Rose rubbed at her arms, swaying a little on her feet as a strange wave of vertigo overtook her. She was hyperventilating. Rubbing her hands over her face, she tried to breathe normally, had to wait until she got home, had to- but what was the point anymore, anyway? 

She heard her mum yelling into her mobile, about being left in bloody _Norway._ A _gain!_ To Pete, probably. Rose got the sudden and unexplainable urge to slap her. How could she continue talking and complaining and using her mobile to get transport, when the entire world had clearly fallen apart? 

She knew she was being irrational. Of course she was. _Keep a clear head, Rose, shut up shut up shut up._

The Doctor rocked back and forth on his feet. He couldn't just stand there any longer. His gut was twisting painfully, watching her like this. He was afraid, though he wouldn't admit it. He was on this planet, a planet that he loved but that had never been his, in a universe where he didn't belong, and he had to stay there for the rest of his now mortal days. But Rose, his Rose, would help him, he knew. So he was afraid to see her so lost. Part of him nagged that she wouldn't accept him, but he knew she'd never do that, never leave him when he needed her. So he told himself as he walked forward slowly. Right now it was she who needed someone. Might as well be him. "Rose...?" he hesitated quietly, trying not to let his concern or nervousness show in his voice.

His voice set her off. She didn't know exactly what about it did- the fact it was not his originally, the fact it sounded like the man who had dumped her here _again_ \- but it caused her to shrink from him, hiss venomously, "Don't." Her voice hitched, she could hear him practically collapse from where he was standing behind her, could just picture that mouth hardening and the tension of his brows sinking until they nearly covered his eyes. But she wouldn't look at him, couldn't. Her breath hitched and she shuddered violently. Damn him. Damn him and this lookalike and the whole fucking universe. Hadn't she protected it enough times where it owed her one? But no, it just took and took.

He stopped dead in his tracks at her words. A strange, cold ache started in his throat, spreading slowly through the rest of him as he stayed rooted to his patch of sand. His expression slowly hardened as he refused to let his emotions hit the surface, though they threatened to overwhelm him. Hurt and betrayal, but mostly fear and confusion. What had he done? He knew she would be hurt, she had every right, he knew... But he was lost, and he needed her. She was his guiding star. It wasn't fair to her, he knew, though, so he kept his mouth shut in a firm, tight-pressed line, eyes straight ahead and empty.

"The wanker just- left us here! An' Rose- yes. She's still here Pete." A pause. Jackie lowered her voice. "Yes- well. It's complicated. Oh, jus- send over the Zeppelin, will you? We'll find a B an’ B or somethin'. I'll talk to you, later, give Tony a kiss from Mummy, and for pity’s sake, don't let him ice lollies before bed." 

There was the beep of the phone hanging up, and a pause as she carefully observed her broken daughter and the frozen half-alien, or part-human, or whatever the hell he was now. 

Rose felt her mother gently touch her shoulder. "Come on now, sweetheart. We gotta get to a hotel before it gets dark. I'm freezin' my bum off," she said softly. 

The Doctor considered mentioning that it was the middle of July, and not really all that chilly, but it didn’t seem appropriate, given the circumstances. Besides, Jackie would probably knock him sideways for ‘acting smart’. Rose nodded, once, and let her mum guide her away from the naked cold sand. Jackie cast a sympathetic look to the Doctor, and beckoned him to come with.

He watched as Rose winced at some of what Jackie said, but couldn't find it in himself to be angry or object to Jackie's wording. He watched as she led Rose away, and for a heartbreaking second he thought he was going to be left here, alone on this beach. Then she motioned for him to follow, and while it still hurt that it wasn't Rose doing the motioning, he wasn't quite as shattered. He moved quickly after them, his hands clenched into fists, nails digging into palms in an attempted to keep himself grounded.

They hiked down the road a ways, for nearly half an hour, Jackie complaining the entire way about crossing two universes and almost got dissolved into atoms and blowing up bloody daleks and I'll be damned if I have to walk two miles just to get somewhere with plumbing. Most of what she said and chattered about seemed forced, though, like she was struggling to fill up the sticky silence. 

He relished the walk, for what it was worth. Walking was almost like running, and he could almost pretend like Rose was happy with him, that she was beside him, not just next to him, (there was a big difference) and that they were off to save the world again. Almost. But not really. 

Eventually they made it to a rural little town, most of the buildings from the 18th century. Rose vaguely remembered spending another cold, heartbreaking day in that town. The only hotel in the entire town was a stone three story house, and Jackie numbly ordered in broken Norwegian for three separate rooms. 

He watched as Jackie spoke. He should have helped her, he knew. He spoke perfect Norwegian. Perfect everything. But talking was something he just wasn't up for at the moment, and he didn't want to see the look of disgust that had crossed Rose's face back at the beach again, so he kept his mouth tightly shut.

"Right, I'm gonna take a bath, here’s your keys, the room number's on 'em." Jackie wanted to comfort her daughter, but knew from experience that Rose shut herself off, went into denial for a few hours before her arms could wrap around her little girl. Rose closed her cold dead fingers around the key that wasn't the TARDIS key. She could feel him behind her, saw the flicker of his hand close around his own key. 

Hollowly, Rose entered the ancient lift to the third floor. The sound of his breathing was inescapable in the confined space of the lift. For the first time since held his hand on the beach, Rose accidentally looked at him. Stared. How many nights had she stayed up imagining that face? It wasn't fair.

He regretted his decision to take the lift as soon as he entered, wishing he'd taken the stairs instead. Rose's presence was palpable and painful, making his head throb. His throat felt swollen and achy from keeping his emotions in check, and he wanted nothing more than to be alone. Well, scratch that. He wanted to be with Rose. But she didn't want that, so alone was the next best thing.

He didn't seem to see how she stared. Maybe that was a good thing. Her eyes burned from looking at him, and her heart burned along with it, like a supernova that had been dwindled away to say goodbye. There wasn't even a goodbye this time- just those words rolling off someone else's tongue, just as she had imagined it would sound, his soft mouth against hers, just like the hazy memory of when she had been trapped in Cassandra's mind, or in ancient Rome, after she'd turned the Doctor back from marble to flesh- she had wanted it too much, not thought at all. And now her life was over because of her impulsiveness. She tore her gaze away as they stepped out of the lift, and jammed the key into the lock of her door. She jiggled it and kicked the door. Damn old locks. His presence was poisonous- needed to be away-

He saw her struggling with the lock, and didn't hesitate, taking a smooth step forward, hand covering hers on the handle and pulling it away, before he turned the key the opposite direction and twisted the doorknob sharply. It opened after a second's protest, and he turned away without so much as glancing at her, putting his own key in his lock and fiddling for a moment before it finally gave, letting him inside.

He closed the door behind him, before he turned to press his forehead against it, standing perfectly still. He counted breaths as he forced himself to take them, one hand still clutching the doorknob in an iron first, the other pressing against the wood, fingernails digging in a little. His eyes were clamped shut, just barely holding back tears, which sat in his eyelashes, waiting for the slightest movement to shake them free. He slowly realized that he was shaking, and that the doorknob in his hand was denting under his grip. He released it, shoving away from the door and moving to sit on the bed, putting his head in his hands as the tears finally escaped.

She froze, every muscle tensing as he touched her, and was then left standing alone in the hallway for a full forty-seven seconds (she counted). Letting herself into the dimly lit room, Rose ran her hand over a ceramic vase of tulips. The clock ticked loudly, anciently, like every twitch of the second hand would be its last. Her breaths became heaving again and somehow the ceramic broke in her grip. Clutching its remains, she threw it across the room, where it smashed into a million, trillion little pieces on the damn clock that didn't matter because it was all, all so tiny and insignificant in the universe.

_"You said forever!_ " The words didn't even register as her own until she noticed the blood running ribbons down her palm, her hand sliced open by the shards of the vase. Rose sank to the floor, boneless, and for the first time in nearly two years, she cried, her sobs so powerful that they were silent.

Jackie came in and held her after an hour, like she used to on the worst nights all those years ago, after the first windy day on that fucking beach. She held Rose until the tears stopped and gently cleaned up and bandaged the cuts on her hand, tossing away the remains of the broken vase and tulips in the bin, writing out a check for damage. For once, she didn't say anything. And for the moment, that was just what Rose needed.


	2. Cracks Forming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry we took so long to update! Collaborating two writing styles can be tricky. 
> 
> Also: Keep an eye on the icon picture on fanfiction.net! It'll change with each update and be a hint about something in the next chapter! (I.E. Chapter 2's picture will hint at something in chapter 3).

 

Rose woke up groggily to Jackie's gentle nagging that she needed to get ready, Pete almost had the zeppelin out. She took a shower quietly, letting her mind go blank under the pounding of the hot water, preparing herself to see _him_ again. Mum had laid out a new outfit she'd gotten at the shops, a green jumper and new trousers because "you can't redress in _that_ , Rose, you've been wearin' the same damn thing for nearly three days normal time"- and went down to the lobby to wait for _him_ to come down.

____________________________________________________________

Jackie had woken him early (apparently he needed sleep now. More human than he'd thought, then), and he'd been surprised when she'd pulled him into a tight hug for a moment before handing him a stack of clothes and telling him to get dressed and ready. He'd accepted everything gratefully, quietly changing once she'd left. It was here that he stopped. It was his choice, right here and now. He could go with them, with Rose, or he could... not. He could go somewhere else, somewhere where he could forget her and start over and move on. He thought about it for a moment, then let out a loud, bitter, and slightly mad laugh.

"Get over yourself, Time boy," he muttered. "You won't get over her. Not ever and you know it." It wasn't like he had a choice. He pulled on his jacket, pausing to ensure that the piece of precious TARDIS coral was still there, safe and sound, before he moved quietly to the door and left, not looking anywhere but his trainers as he descended the stairs. A quick glance found Jackie and Rose, and he walked over, keeping about ten feet of distance.

The Innkeeper, an older man with a gaze as restless and dark as the waves on the beach stared at the Doctor warily.

"Pete's got the zeppelin nearly here- finally bought me one after Tony was born- but it's still dark outside. There, you two, all bundled up?" Jackie twisted the lid on a thermos and poured steaming cups of tea into styrofoam cups for the three of them. "Right then, got everythin'? It's just a ways out of town, isn't far." Handing in the room keys, she exited the hotel.

The zeppelin was a ways down a hill, landed in a large grassy field.  Jackie wrapped her arms around Pete, who was standing by the blimp, and he closed his eyes in relief that she was alive, back in his arms, and that he hadn't lost her again.

Rose felt guilty for hating the sight of them.

Pete's eyes alighted on Rose and then the Doctor. His eyebrows knit, puzzled. "Doctor? What're you doing here?"

Rose winced involuntarily.

"The Doctor isn't here," the Doctor said evenly, unknowingly speaking her thoughts. "I'm a shadow." It came out sounding a little bitter- well, perhaps a lot bitter, though he tried to make it otherwise. He didn't say anything else, but nodded a little to Pete and Jackie as he made his way onto the blimp, far too eager to get away from Rose to care about manners anymore.

"Don't listen to 'im, he's just being melodramatic, as always,” Jackie said with a scoff that didn’t quite hide her concern. “He’s the Doctor. He said so, I heard him, just different- I'll. I'll explain it all to you Pete-" Jackie whispered as Rose climbed into the luxury zeppelin. "Leave 'em be."

___________________________________________________________________

"Where's he gonna go, sweetheart?"

Rose lifted her head from the cradle of the hand, turning away from the enormous window of blue sky. "What?"

Jackie sighed. "The Doctor. You can't just throw 'im on the street, can you?"

_Don’t call him that._ Rose rubbed her eyes. She was exhausted. "I guess... I guess he can stay at my flat. At least for now."

"Are you sure you're... comfortable with that sweetheart?"

"I don't really have a choice, do I?" she snapped a little.

"Of course you do," the Doctor said quietly from the doorway, watching with little interest as they both jumped. "I won't impose, don't worry about it. As soon as we touch down I can be gone. I apologize for being an imposition thus far," he says, his face and voice both completely expressionless. His hand was gripping the door frame hard, shaking slightly.

Jackie blinked and only took a moment to regain composure. "Don't be a pillock, we can't have you traipsing around London by yourself, you'd blow up everythin' in seconds.” She crossed her arms, turning pointedly to her daughter. “'Sides, Pete wanted to talk to you about Torchwood. Didn’t he, Rose?"

Rose shuffled her feet a bit. "It's fine. Really, I don't care, would be no trouble."

"There, you see? It'll only take a week or two until Pete gets you somethin' a little more permanent." She hesitated. "If you feel... well. Tony's been dyin' to meet you, and there's plenty of room at the mansion. Your choice."

Jackie's friendliness was uncharacteristic and nerve-wracking, and only defined how wrong everything was.

"Jackie... Look, could we have a moment?" he asked quietly. He hated to do it. He didn't want to talk to Rose, especially not alone, but it was necessary. His gut was threatening to lose everything it contained, but he forced it to calm a little, holding Jackie's gaze pleadingly.

"Of course, take as long as you need,” she told him sweetly, before shooting Rose a chastising expression and leaving to get a cocktail.

He stayed still for a long time after Jackie blew past him, and the silence in the cold lounge stretched out painfully. Finally, however, he got up the nerve to push away from the wall, taking a few steps forward. They seemed to echo around the room. He stopped when he was a few feet away. He didn't know what to say, what to feel, so finally, he said the first thing that came to mind. "I'm angry with him, too, you know."

“What about? Because he took away a time machine that wasn't even yours?" Maybe that was a little harsh of her, but she didn't care. "Because he stuck you in a useless universe with the human harpy and was so glad he was _finally_ rid of her, pass her off onto the copy, she can't come runnin' back now." Now, _that_ was unfair. She knew it was. But she couldn't seem to stop herself.

He had finally gotten up the courage to look at her, but her laugh made him flinch as if she'd hit him, and as she spoke he slowly returned his gaze to the floor, occasionally flinching again. He could feel tears threatening, but he wasn't going to cry, not now, not like this. He took a shaky breath, eyes still on his toes, hands shaking again. "What do you want me to say?" he finally asked quietly.

She crossed her ankles. "Well how am I supposed to know? You were the one who wanted to talk." She sighed. "I really don't care where you stay until Dad gets you a flat- I'm barely home anyway."

He tapped his toes on the floor, hands shoved in his pockets, rolling up onto the balls of his feet and then back onto his heels. "I didn't agree with his decision to leave either of us here. I don't agree that he and I are the same person. I just want you to be happy. That's honestly all I want in the universe right now, and you would have been happy with him. That's why I'm angry with him, too. I'm not angry with 'myself', he isn't me, Rose. I don't care that I'm stuck here or that he has the TARDIS. I care that you're unhappy.”

She chewed on the pad of her thumb that poked through the bandages. "We’ve- _I’ve_ been through worse." At the moment, nothing worse was coming to mind. “I'm fine."

"Liar," he says, the hint of a smile on his lips. "I do have his memories, you know. In as far at that goes, we're identical. But I do have humanity in me, too. I meant what I said, Rose Tyler. I love you. Because the Doctor was wrong." Since the beach his eyes had been cold and dead, but when he looked up at her now they were anything but. "He said I was born in war. That's true. I was. But I wasn't born in the Time War, in genocide and destruction. I was born into a war where I was fighting for _you_. For you and Donna and Martha and Jack, and everyone else I hold dear. I wasn't just born in war. I was born in passion, and in fierce love. I'm sorry you're unhappy. I'm not him and I never will be. But I love you, and if you're ever interested in maybe seeing what I'm like, who _I_ am, please don't hesitate." He was quiet, then, letting that hang in the air for a moment before his gaze faded down to his shoes again and he turned for the door, spent.

_I love you_. The words the Doctor always had struggled with seemed to roll so easily off this man's tongue. It was a sinful thrill to hear it in his voice, but it was overshadowed by confusion and heartache that increased with every word. No matter how many times he turned her away, no matter how many times he abandoned her or ruined her life, she would always love the Doctor. She’d never be shallow enough to try to care for a different man just because he looked like him. She almost wished for a moment that she _could_ forget all about the Doctor and start over. "M’sorry."

"I don't expect anything," he said quietly. "I know you love him. I'd just like you to acknowledge that I'm not him, and maybe not hate me." He shrugged a little. "Like I said. We'll land, and you never have to see me again. I really don't want to hurt you." His voice broke hard, then, but there was nothing for it. He was falling apart, drowning, slowly but surely, watching his lifeline drift away with the knowledge that if he grabbed it, he would only succeed in pulling her down with him.

He wandered down the hall to a small room off the the side that Pete had found him earlier. He wasn't nervous anymore, just tired, but his gut was still roiling. He sighed, pushing the door open and shuffling in, pulling off his jacket and moving to lie down on the couch, hoping to ease the ill feeling a little, his eyes slipping shut a few minutes later, tears quietly escaping the corners.

Rose’s heart was pulling painfully. She really had wanted to say something, but instead she had watched him go. She curled up in the leather chair, and her eyes slowly slid shut as she stared at the hand that was tightly bandaged, the hand that used to hold his.

Rose Tyler sank into warm darkness and dreamt of running.

_________________________________________________________

"Rose, love, I know you're tired, but we've landed."

Rose smiled happily, stroking his face. His dancing eyes crinkled in the corners, wondering where the Doctor had landed them this time. He leaned down and caught her mouth in his, she ran a finger down the side of his sideburn...

" _Rose_. Sweetheart, you need to get up. An' we have to deal with reporters again, so we might as well get it over with."

Rose's eyes creaked open to her mum leaning over her. Her stomach dropped in disappointment when she remembered, like she'd lost him all over again. "Yeah, yeah, sorry. I'm up."

When the Doctor woke that morning, he felt like he'd not slept at all. He washed his face in the bathroom, and winced a little at the dark circles under his eyes. He sighed, rubbing at his face for a moment before shrugging it off. He straightened his clothes and entered the main room of the zeppelin, following Jackie, Pete, and Rose out into the real world, wincing at the bright sunlight and the camera flashes.

His stomach felt no better this morning than it had the night before, and all he wanted to do was crawl back in bed. Instead, however, he did his best to stay inconspicuous but close to the Tylers as they moved through the crowd.

Jackie was right about the reporters. Cameras snapped and people waved microphones and screamed about the return of the Vitex heiress, who had vanished and been assumed dead for months.

A car was waiting through the roiling crowd and she was grateful for the cool quiet as they all climbed into it and shut the door. However, her relief was short lived when somehow she and the man-who-looked-like-the-Doctor somehow wound up sitting next to her. They both realized too late when their knees touched, and she jerked hers away as Jackie sat in the passenger's seat, leaning to her husband out the window.

"What about you, Pete?"

"I'm fine, I have to speak for Torchwood and clear things up. People are still rattled, they need an explanation. I have another car coming soon." Pete kissed his wife goodbye and Rose bit her lip, looking out the window at the throng of people around the car. The driver pulled away despite the protests of the paparazzi and drove off.

Jackie turned to Rose. "At least say hello to Tony first, he hasn't seen you in over two months."

Rose glanced at the man to her right. "That okay with you?”

"It's fine," he said quietly, barely paying attention. His head was pounding, and he felt generally off. His eyes were shut, head leaning back against the seat as he took slow, deep breaths, trying to get rid of whatever it was that was making him feel this way. He could feel the car twisting through the various streets, heading for Tyler mansion.

It was a different house than the one the Doctor remembered, much bigger and somehow friendlier than the one he and Rose had visited in what seemed (was) a lifetime ago.

No sooner had they made it up the long path did a little four year old boy burst through the impressive front doors. "MUMMY- _ROSIE!_ " he cried, hugging the legs of his big sister who’d disappeared months ago.

Rose cracked an exhausted smile and heaved him up onto one hip. "Aw, Bean, how've ya been?"

“Mummy and Daddy said they didn't think you were coming back.”

The slight flaring of her nostrils and constricting of her throat were almost impossible to spot. “Well, I did. Hope that’s alright.”

Tony seemed to have missed the microsecond of pain and accepted the answer for what it was, immediately starting to fire off about no stars and darkness and the world was ending but he didn't think so and he only got scared for a little. "Didja find him?" he paused for breath. "Didja find the Doctor?"

Said Doctor watched from inside the car, eyes narrowed as he observed the young boy in Rose’s arms. That had to be Tony, but he was far older than the two-year-old the Doctor had been expecting. A good few years older, by the looks of it. Which could only mean… _It’s been longer here_ , he realized, insides clenching slightly in a way that had nothing to do with his current uneasy stomach. It had been longer for Rose than for him. Twice, maybe three times as much time. He closed his eyes for a moment, and grit his teeth slightly, before taking slow breath. There was nothing for it now. He’d discuss it with her later.

He sat debating on whether to get out or not for a few moments, but he wasn't given an option a few seconds later as his gut twisted violently again, this time _definitely_ to do with whatever sickness he’d acquired. He pushed the door open, pulling himself up out of the car, pausing to take a breath, hand gripping the top of the door for a moment before he walked over towards Jackie. "Jackie... could I use your restroom please?" he asked, his stomach rolling dangerously.

Jackie blinked. "It's down the first hallway, second door on the right." She cocked her head. "You look a bit peaked, are you alright?" He mumbled something about being a bit carsick and headed quickly for the house. Rose looked up as he walked past, frowning in slight concern as he disappeared into the house, but then Tony was asking about the TARDIS, and she returned her attention back to him.

He practically fell into the bathroom, shutting the door quickly behind him and just barely making it to the toilet in time. He sat on his knees a few minutes later as the heaving finally subsided, reaching up a shaking hand to wipe at his mouth. He sat back against the wall, but then something caught his eye and he looked at his hand. His eyes widened a little. It was smeared with blood. He stood, then, walking over to the mirror to look at himself. His usually energetic hair was droopy, and he was pale and shaky. His lips were tinted red.

He growled a little, turning on the sink and cupping up water to rinse his mouth out, trying to think. What the hell was wrong with him? He thought it over for a while. Perhaps it had to do with his time sense being off. His relation with time always felt laggy when he’d crossed dimensions in the past. Perhaps it would get worse before it got better. He reached up to try and return some life to his appearance before he headed back out into the house, and then the yard, watching as Tony chatted happily with Jackie. The Doctor sighed, trying to figure out what to do. Finally he decided on walking over to Tony, smiling kindly.

"Hi there. I'm a friend of Rose's. I don't have a TARDIS, but I've heard all about you. Someone as big and clever as you, you've got to be Tony, right?" he asked, smiling and crouching down a little to be on the boy's level.

The boy’s face broke into an enormous smile. "Yeah, an- an- the stars went out and cybermen were taking over, an' people were screaming- but I wasn't a'scared, cos I knew you and Rosie and Jake and Mickey would save us! I told everyone, _they_ didn't believe me."

He grinned. "Well, it sounds like you were very brave," he praises, nodding. "Don't worry. They'll believe you now. And you're a big hero for being so brave," he grins. "Does everything seem like it's all fixed now?"

He blinked eyes that were as honey-brown as his sister's. "Well- the stars are back. An' people have stopped screaming an' making loud cracking bangs in the night. An' I'm 'llowed to play outside again. And Rosie's back, and so is Mummy." Then he bit his lip, twisted his hands in his lap and leaned in,beckoning the Doctor to lean closer. He cupped his small hand around the man’s ear and whispered, "There's a crack in my wall. Ever since the stars went out. It talks t'me. I don't like what it says. Daddy says its ordinary bu' its not."

He frowned a little. "A crack in the wall, huh?" he asked back just as quietly. "Well, would you like to show me? I happen to be a crack in walls expert, I can try to help."

Tony perked up at the idea of the Doctor _in his room_. Investigating aliens in his room! Quickly he grabbed the Doctor's hand and excitedly dragged him into the house.  Rose frowned. "Tony? Where are you going?" 

The little boy skipped happily up the winding staircase and brought the Doctor into his large, well-lit bedroom. It was painted cream and bright blue, stuffed animals piled neatly to nearly the ceiling. Climbing onto the bed, he stretched out a finger to point at the wide domed ceiling above. "That." 

It wasn't an abnormal crack. It wasn't even very big, only about the length of a full grown man’s arm. But it made Tony shiver whenever he had to stare at it every night.

The Doctor followed the boy quickly, smiling a little at his eagerness. But when he saw the crack something made his blood run cold. "Oh, that!" he said brightly, though it was a little forced. "Well that is an interesting crack, now, isn't it?" he asked. He automatically reached for his sonic, only to hit empty pocket. His heart sank a little. "Well, let me see, shall I?" he asked, pulling a step stool over and standing on it to get a closer look.

Rose crossed into the nursery to find them standing on a stool and the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Whatcha lookin' at, Bean?" she asked with forced brightness. 

"The Doctor's gonna help with this bad crack in my wall!" 

Rose looked at the man questioningly.

The Doctor glanced over at her, eyes wary, but for once it wasn't about her. "This is an... _interesting_ crack," he said to Rose, trying to convey his concern without worrying Tony overmuch. "Rose.. is somewhere else in the house where Tony could have a camp out? Camp outs are fantastic, aren't they, Tony?"

Rose gently touched Tony's blonde hair. "Camp out, yeah, that'll be great! We could make it an actual camp out, that'll be fun. We could even set up a tent, the weather's beautiful and it could be a way to say 'welcome back' to the stars. Why don't you ask Mum about it?"

Tony pouted. "But I wanted to see him look at the crack. "

“You can watch later. Okay? Go ask Mum."

She pushed a reluctant Tony along until he scampered down the hall. Then she squared her shoulders and hurried to stand on the bed. "What is it? What's in his room?" An idea struck her and she dug into her jacket pocket (the same one she'd been wearing for a few days) and brought out something silver, pen-like, and very familiar. "Here." she swallowed, handing it to him. It left her fingers somewhat reluctantly.

He took the sonic reverently, eyes widening slightly. "But how...?" he murmured, eyes wide. Then he shook his head. Now wasn't the time. "I don't know what it is. But it's wrong," he said, his voice dark as he started to switch through settings on the sonic. The crack almost immediately reacted, beginning to emit a soft light.

She jumped a little, backing up. "What did you do to it?"

"Got rid of its disguise, opened it, something like that, not quite sure," he muttered, adding a little more energy, and the light brightened. "Oooh. Widened it, I think. Yes. I widened it. It's temporary though, it'll snap right back..."

" _Widened_ it?!" she yelled angrily. "It better snap back, Mum'll kill the both of us if the house manages to get swallowed up by who knows what." Rose shivered in the white light. It felt very, very wrong, and she instantly regretted not being home for so long. Tony could have told her. "D'you hear something? Like voices?" she tilted her head.

"Yeah.. I hear it," he said quietly, continuing to stare at the light. "Tony could, too. He said people were talking."

She listened closely to the whispers, skin crawling at the sound. The voices were almost like a mantra, chanting unintelligible words over and over, like the sound of light reverberating in an old petrol station. They sounded neither human nor robotic. Just... words. "Could exposure harm him?"

He sighed. "I don't know. That's why I asked you if he could sleep somewhere else for a little while." He turned to look at the crack again, but was hit by a wave of vertigo, swaying a little, blinking quickly. As casually as he could he stepped away and sat on the stool, the crack snapping shut behind him and the voices fading.

The revolting feeling of _wrong_ faded to a barely noticeable whisper. Rose reached out a steadying hand that stopped before contact. "Are... are you alright? Did it do something to you?"

"No, I'm fine, just tired of looking at it, that's all," he said, waving his hand casually. He felt like he'd stood up too fast. That was probably all it was. He looked up at the crack again, sighing. "I don't have any way of researching this. There's temporal energy off the charts... You’ll want to call in Torchwood."

"I'll tell Dad. He'll have a team on it. Tony'll like that," Rose nodded, rubbing her eyes. "I'm going to go back to the flat, I don't remember being so tired." She hesitated. "If you want to... it's fine. Like I said, 'm rarely home, and you should have your own place soon. Or, you know, you could stay here to check out the crack more. But I'm heading back, right after I tell Dad to keep a taps on this place."

He faltered slightly, weighing the options. "If you don't mind... Torchwood and I aren't the best of pals," he says quietly. He was exhausted, too, and starting to feel awful again. He handed her the sonic back, though he was reluctant to let the tool go, and shoved his hands in his pockets before she could notice they were shaking.

She tucked it back into her jacket. "I got it in the other universe,” she explained, sensing the silent question. “The one with Donna, it was just lying on the ground..." She was reminded sickeningly of the hand dropping limply from the gurney. "Anyway. I guess since I took it from one universe to another, it didn't disappear like the rest of it did." Rose looked at the ground for a moment. "I'm gonna tell Dad, he should be back by now, the chauffeur can take us back to the flat."

"Okay," he said quietly, standing slowly and following her as she walked through the halls of the grand house.

Pete looked up as they came down the stairs. "Hello, Rose, Doctor. Are you staying here tonight?"

"Mm, no, we're both heading back to the flat, get some rest. But I needed to talk to you first. You know that crack in Tony's room? There's something... wrong about it. Really, really wrong. It's best he doesn't sleep there until we get rid of it, figure out what it is. Could you get a team of Torchwood looking at it? Now?"

Pete's eyebrows furrowed. "Yeah, of course I can, but.. I mean, are you sure? It seems pretty ordinary," he said, walking closer. "Are you alright? Both of you. It seems like something's wrong." There was concern clear in his gaze. Jackie had filled him in as best she could, and he knew this had to be hard on both of them.

"We aren't sure, we don't have the necessary equipment. ‘Temporal energy off the charts’, apparently," Rose flicked a lock of hair off her face. "I think we're both just knackered. Only got about three hours of sleep each. Arthur can drive us back. Oh, and we- he was wondering how soon you could knock up a flat for him."

"Things are a little chaotic at the moment, but I'll do it as quickly as I can," he says, nodding. "A week, at the most." The Doctor felt his chest tighten a little. A week. A whole week at Rose's apartment. This was going to be horrible if things went as they had been. He tried not to show what he was thinking, but he could see the same reaction on Rose's features.

She nodded curtly and gave Pete a quick hug. "Take care. Call me if anything happens." She walked back out to the garden, hailing Arthur to take them back to the flat. This time she made sure there was a seat between them.

"It has two bedrooms, for when Mickey or Jake or someone from Torchwood needed a bunk for the night while in town. We'll be fine."

He leaned back against the seat, glad of the darkness, but mainly for the cool air, which helped keep the nausea at bay. "Okay. Thank you," he said quietly. "I know you aren't under any obligation to let me stay and it really... it means a lot," he added after a moment, opening his eyes to glance over at her. She seemed a little off, but everything seemed off at the moment, especially her, so he ignored it.

"Don't be daft, of course I had to. It's not your fault." she mumbled, staring out the window as the city rushed by.

The flat wasn't far from the mansion, both were close to Torchwood. Thanking Arthur, Rose grabbed the plastic bag filled with their old clothes and unlocked the door to the flat.

It looked more like a hotel room than a flat someone lived in. Despite the emptiness, or probably because of it, the flat seemed gaping, enormous, like Rose had gone out and bought the biggest flat there was in all of London.

(That _was_ what she had done, but it had never been big enough.)

"Right, there should be some food in the cupboards, and the spare bedroom is down the hall, first on the left,” she pointed. “Comes with it’s own bathroom. I'm going to try and get a decent night's kip.”

He followed her directions to the bedroom, ignoring the offer of food. He'd not eaten yet in this body, but he wasn't at all hungry. He didn't even bother to look around the room, heading straight for the bathroom as his stomach heaved again. He hadn't eaten, but that didn't seem to matter. Blood appeared again. He ignored it, rinsed off, and stumbled into the bedroom, not even bothering to kick off his shoes as he collapsed on the bed, shaking badly as he fell asleep.

Rose walked to her own bedroom and stared for a moment at the grainy photo that always rested on her bedside table. She’d found it on her mobile after she’d first come here and blown it up to size- the Doctor and her, shortly after the 2012 Olympic games, their faces wide and smiling and lit up orange by the fireworks overhead. After staring for a few moments, she angrily slammed it face down, then tossed it her sock drawer for good measure.

He could just stay there for a while.


	3. Faulty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day to make up for the wait. 
> 
> Please read and review! We love to hear your comments!

_How long are you going to stay with me?_  he asked, looking over at her and squeezing her hand a little. She looked at him, smiling, and he could see the happiness in her eyes. _Forever…_

He woke slowly, the entirety of his body aching. He pushed himself out of bed, wandering over the bathroom. His stomach lurched, but there was nothing left. The metallic taste of blood had made its home on his tongue, and he rinsed his mouth out as best he could, washing the red and black down the sink.

He was still exhausted, and for the first time he truly admitted to himself that something might be wrong. That didn't mean he was going to stop ignoring it. He debated whether or not to venture out of his room, but eventually decided that he couldn’t just stay in there all day. He took a moment to prepare himself for whatever he might encounter, then opened the door, peering out for a moment before walking quietly down the hall.

Rose was brewing coffee when she heard the door creak. "I'm making coffee if you want any."

He shook his head, wandering over to the table and sitting down. "No thanks," he said quietly. "I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten anythin’... ever. At least get some fluids into you." She ran a glass under the tap for him. She poured herself some coffee and handed the glass of water over, taking a sip of black coffee with a wince.

He took the glass but just set it in front of him, observing it absently. His stomach didn't seem in the mood to accept anything at the moment. Who was he to argue? "How are you doing?" he asked after a moment, trying to break the silence. He swung a leg back and forth, a toe tapping against the table leg.

She leaned against her hand, taking another swig of bitter coffee. "M'fine. Going,” she said briefly. Rose looked up from swirling her coffee around in her mug and winced at his reddened eyes, the uncharacteristic unshavenness. "You don’t look so great yourself."

"I'm fine," he said firmly, his voice bordering on hostile for just a moment before his demeanor softened again. He mimed taking a sip of water to try and appease her, though he didn't swallow any.

Rose supposed she’d had that one coming _._ She absently looked at the clock. Had she really slept for nearly twenty hours?

He took a slow breath, considering his cup for a few moments. "Tony... He's older than I thought he'd be."

She was startled by the sudden subject change. "Wha? Oh, yeah. He's five in June."

He nodded slightly, his gut sinking. "So that's what... six years, then? Since..."

She looked up from her coffee. "Since Bad Wolf Bay, part one?” she said, humorlessly. “Just about."

He nodded, the sinking feeling cementing itself. "Right... yeah."

“I know it was around two an' a half for..." She sighed. "The ghosts pushin' through shoved this universe head three years. We've been stuck that way ever since. About three years for every of that universe's one. Or, two years, two hundred fifty one days, Tosh reckons."

He nodded just a little. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. "Sorry."

"Not your fault." Maybe that's why the Doctor had left her here. Maybe he didn't miss her as much as she did him.

He traced his finger around the edge of his cup slowly, not looking at her. The idea of her being away for so much longer than he thought. "He seems like a smart kid..."

"Yeah, he talked early."

He nodded a little. Considered his water again.

The awkward silence was palpable. "Um, do you- you need more clothes, don't you? I could drop you at the shops later if you want." Anything to get him out of the flat so she wouldn't have to look at him.

"That would be great," he says softly. "If I could borrow the sonic for money... I'll start looking into jobs, soon, but for right now..." He shrugged slightly, reaching up to rub at his eyes a little. The water was tempting him more and more, because he could feel a cough lurking in his chest, so he finally reached out and took an actual sip. It tasted good, but he knew it probably wouldn't last long. The cough was still waiting.

"Um, I don't think you can," she told him gently, her stomach seizing at the thought of giving him the sonic. "You don't have any money here, and you can't jus' go around stealin' it from cash machines. Really, it's not any trouble if I lend you some."

He stared into his glass of water somewhat despondently at the reminder. She was right, he didn't have access to his usual funds... "Suppose I don't have much of a choice," he mumbled hoarsely after a few moments.

She was relieved she didn’t have to give him the sonic. It seemed so wrong to give the dead man’s sonic to him. "It... really is fine. I have loads. I have nothin' I want to spend it on."

"I'll pay you back as soon as I find work," he promised quietly. The cough finally worked its way free, hoarse and painful, though he muffled it behind his hand. His mouth tasted like blood again. He took another sip of water to try and clear it, careful to not let it tint the clear liquid pink. There was a moment or two of silence before he stood. "I'll be in my room until you're ready to give me a ride," he said quietly, hating the way she looked at him and not wanting to see it any longer.

"We could go now, if you want." She knocked back the rest of her coffee, wincing as it scalded throat. "There's some good shops right down the road, they’re not far. Might even better to walk." She hesitated, managing to look at him in the face, just for a moment. Bad idea. Her heart swooped predictably, and it hurt. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Why? Don't I look alright? I'm barely two days old. Life is beautiful." His voice was empty, but not sarcastic. "Might as well go now."

She bit her tongue to keep from telling him to drink the rest of his water. "What, you mean, now now?"

"Unless that's a problem, you did just say we could," he pointed out, standing and walking over to put his glass in the sink, pouring the water down the drain with meticulously.

"Right. I did. Sorry. Yeah, s’fine," Rose mumbled, going for her shoes and purse, shoving a stick of gum in her mouth to banish the coffee breath.

He nodded, pushing a hand through his hair. It fell back to limply cling to his head again. He followed her to the door.

How was she meant to do this? Drive him and drop him off? No, this London was too different than the one he remembered, he'd probably inadvertently cause a disaster...  She’d walk him there, she needed a few things herself. "What do you need?" she asked, busy fiddling with her purse.

"Nothing particular," he said meekly. "Trousers and a few shirts. My shoes are fine. Maybe some pajamas."

"You need a mobile," she informed him, opening the door and waiting for him to follow so she could lock up. "An' shampoo an' toothpaste and things."

"Right... toiletries... all... Human-y. Right." He walked down the stairs, a hand casually on the rail. The sun felt wrong. He squinted in it.

"You're sayin' you've never brushed your teeth before?" she asked automatically, before cringing. Of course he'd never brushed his teeth before. He was only born two days ago. She kept forgetting that part.

"I did, yeah, just could go a long time without doing it... To be honest I more did it because I'd come across some banana flavored toothpaste." He shrugged, starting down the sidewalk, with no idea where he was going.

She felt guilty for almost enjoying his babbling. "It's this way," she pointed in the opposite direction.

He stopped and turned around without any of his usual flair, plodding in the opposite direction.

The silence between them grew more uncomfortable. The crowd thickened around them as they walked into the shopping center of the city. "Look, I'm sorry for yesterday. It was rude. You're gettin' used to this, too."

He glanced over at her, unsure of exactly what she was talking about, but he didn't particularly care. She had a right to be upset. "I can understand your frustration. There's no reason to apologize."

"No, there is," she said quietly, looking up at the shops in front of them.

"If you say so," he said, voice weakening just a little as he fought back a cough. He swallowed a few times, managing to turn it into a soft grunt-ish sort of thing. "I'm sorry, as well. I'll be out of your hair soon."

She said nothing, unsure how she felt about that. "What're you gonna do?"

He shrugged. "Maybe try to get a job at a lab somewhere... Might have to go to school for a year or so to get a few degrees... Then go find a job at a laboratory or a research center... Until then I'll find something more mundane like at the shops... Or.. I don't know, making chips or something."

"You couldn't work in a _shop_. I could barely make _myself_ work in a shop," she snorted, the closest thing to a laugh he'd heard from her in years.

He glanced over at her, shrugging. "Just for a bit. I'd just need to get myself through school. Once I do, I'll have companies piling in line for my knowledge."

The offer to make was obvious, but it stuck in her throat. Pete had even talked about it, Rose had heard on the zeppelin. Rose turned into Budgen's, which was a pharmacy rather than a supermarket in this universe.

"Do they have banana toothpaste here, do you think?" he asked, following her into the air-conditioned store. The temperature change was drastic and he was almost instantly shivering, though he tried to keep it subtle, the cough in his throat continuing to itch. His human body must be warmer than he was used to.

She looked over her shoulder, mouth turning up in the corner. "It's a weird universe. They make watermelon flavored potato crisps here. Worth a shot."

He nodded, looking at the aisle labels, before wandering towards the one that said toiletries and starting to try and find a toothpaste other than bubblegum or mint.

She looked over the toothpaste as well. She needed some too. She had been so busy with the dimensional cannon, she’d not gone shopping in a while. Her stomach soured again. "Don't see banana, but there's orange."

He made a face. "Are you sure I need it? Maybe I don't need it, maybe the time lord part will make my breath okay," he said quietly, pressing a hand against his mouth, muffling a cough, making a face as a globule of blood made its way into his mouth. He swallowed. "On the other hand, mint's fine.." he said hoarsely.

She looked at him, despite the tightness in her chest, eyebrows knitting. "Maybe we should get cough syrup too. You might be catchin’ something."

"Nonsense," he muttered, waving her off and reaching out to grab a random box of toothpaste, heading down the aisle. "Do they have clothes here?"

"Not any you'd like," she snorted again, putting her toothpaste and some tampons into her basket.

"Where would those be, then?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at a sandwich cutter shaped like a dinosaur. The words were forming up in his brain _-Rose! Look! It makes sandwiches into DINOSAURS!-_ when he remembered that she wouldn't care any more and turned to continue down the hall. Gods it was cold in here.

She thumbed to her left, putting floss in her basket, too. "Two aisles over. Small metal rack. But they're bloody minging."

He wandered that direction, looking around at the admittedly rather disturbing clothing, before spotting a jumper that was almost TARDIS blue and reaching for it without question, pulling it on. He sighed at the slight increase of warmth as he headed back towards Rose, though it didn't do a whole lot. "This is okay."

She looked up, looking at his bony shoulders poking out through the pullover that was a few size too big around his blue suit jacket. He looked completely daft and just a bit beautiful, his hair ungelled and messy, and she couldn't stop herself from smiling at him.

The Doctor’s eyes lit up. _She smiled_. His whole body felt lighter for just a second when he saw it, and then much lighter than it should, and leaned against a pole for a second, taking a slow breath, closing his eyes as the room spun and he forced himself to regain his balance.

As soon as he leaned against the pole, the spell was broken, and she immediately felt guilty. That wasn't fair. It was cheating for happiness, how could she have been fooled for even a second? It wasn't fair to him either. "Yeah, you can get that if you want," she mumbled, looking away and turning down the aisle for some hand soap.

He opened his eyes to find the smile gone, turned a different direction, walking away. He took a slow breath, pushing off of the pole and wrapping his arms around himself, one hand clutching the basket with his toothpaste. "Thanks."

"You should probably get deodorant, too," she told him from the next aisle, taking the privacy to blink away the sudden tears that had come up with the fresh loss.

"Right... yeah... Just choose something you think smells good, I don't have a clue," he croaked through the aisle. He looked over the toothbrushes, trying to figure out why on earth they would need to be electronic.

Rose picked out the brand Mickey had used. God, Mickey... Jake would be heartbroken. Had he known? Oh, damn, her phone was probably blowing up with messages from him, Jack... she didn't have the energy to look at her phone at the moment. "Anythin' else? They have some decent shampoos, gels," she said in a clear voice, wiping her eyes.

"Yeah... Probably..." He turned the corner to the next aisle, finding the hair products and starting to look through them for anything he recognized.

She went around the aisle, watching him look rather hopeless around the hair products. "You could join Torchwood," she said, surprising herself.

He looked up, not really putting together what she was talking about. He was still cold- had the air conditioning gone higher?- and his head was starting to pound. "What?"

She didn't want to repeat it, she wasn't sure if she'd meant it. "Dad was sayin' on the zeppelin. He was gonna offer you a job."

He caught her gaze, and then turned back to the shampoo. He had to cough again, probably the dry air. It sat deep in his chest like an itchy stone, waiting to be released, making him breath funny. "Nah, I don't want to work for Torchwood, are you kidding me? I'd be a laughing stock."

"You'd be brilliant," she said a bit grudgingly. "They could probably use you. Most of the techies tryin' to work the stuff that comes through the rift don't know arse from elbow."

"Nah, I mean that I've spent so long bossing Torchwood around, going and working on their side? No, th-" He cut himself off as the cough escaped his chest, feeling like it took some of his lungs with it. He took a breath. "No, thanks." He wouldn't intrude on her space. He would leave her be.

She wasn't going to push him any more, and felt guilty for how relieved she felt that he didn't want to work at Torchwood. But the thought was brushed aside as he coughed again. "I'm gettin' you cold medicine. You should be careful, might be an infection."

"S'fine, just my body adjusting," he muttered, finally choosing a shampoo and putting it in his basket. He didn't bother with gel. "Anything else I'll need from here?"

"Shaving cream an' a razor?" she suggested, looking at the ingredients on the back of a cough medicine bottle and dropping it into her basket.

"No aspirin, yeah?" he asked, watching her drop it in. "Can't have that, wouldn't expect, even with the human bits mixed in."

"No, I remember you mentioned-" Rose’s heart sunk, pain flaring in her chest. "He mentioned. I checked."

The correction was a small detail, but it still felt like a sucker punch to the gut. "Razor," he said quietly after a moment, heading off down the aisle arms wrapping around himself again.

"Shaving cream?" she asked around the lump in her throat.

"And shaving cream," he called back, stifling another cough, though it came and turned into a bit of a fit a few seconds later. He couldn't wait to get out of here into the warm outdoor air again. He felt miserable.

He got his breath back and found the appropriate section, but then just sort of stood staring for a bit, glazed over, mind wandering over the events of the past few days. He remembered seeing Rose again, for the first time in so long. Turning around from talking to Donna, and there she was, with a gun that was bigger than she was, looking so beautiful with that cocky smile as she ran towards him, and not even dying could ruin his mood. And then suddenly he was someone else, and the smile wasn't for him anymore.

She picked up a bottled water for him and brought it to the counter with rest of her basket. She shoved it at him a few moments later. "Drink it. I'm not havin' you pass in the aisle of the bloody pharmacy. An' you need food, too. I'm putting my foot down."

"I t-told you I'm not hungry," he said, shivering slightly in the middle, thought he reluctantly took a sip of the water. It did soothe his throat a bit, though the deeper ache remained. He leaned forward to let the clerk ring up the tag on the pullover he was wearing.

"An' I'm telling you that you can't go three days on only some tea at the hostel in Norway an' water," she glared. "Pick out a packet of crisps, something to start you out. If you're gettin' sick you have to take care of yourself," she sighed, digging in her purse for her wallet again.

He looked over the options by the checkout, but none of them remotely interested him. Rather, the thought of trying to ingest any of them turned his stomach. He found the smallest and mildest packet of crackers he could manage, deciding he could fudge eating them and hide most of it in his pocket, handing it over to her reluctantly.

Rose gave him a look but passed them over the counter without another word. She checked out the rest of the items and shoved them all into her bag, except for the crackers, which she handed over to him once they were outside.

He took them with a sigh and shaking hands. It wasn't nearly so warm as it had been outside before, the temperature had definitely dropped. Bloody English weather. He opened the packet, taking a bite while she watched but chewing slowly, trying to convince his stomach that what was on the way was friendly, and not to be rejected.

"Alright, where next?" she asked, looking away to try and see if there were any clothes shops up ahead and pretend that the air between them wasn't incredibly awkward.

He stuffed a cracker casually in a bin as they passed when she wasn't looking. "Just a few clothes," he said quietly. "That's all I need."

"You should really stop acting like you're this huge burden, it's really nothing," she sighed, still not looking at him.

He was opening his mouth to respond when a raindrop hit him on the nose, making him blink and look up. The weather had cooled, and darkened, clouds starting to roll in now, swollen with rain, which was beginning to fall quickly. "Brilliant."

Rose looked up, sighing- in frustration? In relief? "We'll finish up another day. You shouldn't be out in this." She turned on her heel, walking back the way they had come.

He watched her go, exasperated, but turned to follow after her. "We could just wait it out in the shops," he pointed out just a bit breathlessly as he sped to catch up.

"Flat's only a few minutes away." She heard his heavy breathing and slowed down a bit. They were already soaked by the relentless English drizzle that had not quite fattened into a full-on storm yet. "An' you're already wet. You can dry off back there and take the medicine."

He didn't argue any further. To be truthful, he wanted little more than to lie down for a very long time and just sleep, but the last thing he wanted was her worrying. "Fine," he said quietly. He shivered again as the rain finished soaking through his new jumper and moved on to his jacket and shirt.

It was only a few minutes to the flat, but the Doctor was slow, his breathing slightly ragged, so they got there in almost ten minutes, and by the time they got in, they were dripping. She was glad he was probably going to keep to himself now that they were at the flat, but also didn't want him to leave the room, both of which made her feel guilty. She wrung out her hair, cold water dripping onto her shoulder. She almost ordered him to go take a shower and dry off, but even the idea exhausted her. The more she spoke to him, the more it emotionally drained her. But damn it all if she wasn't going to make tea and make him drink it along with his medicine.

 

The Doctor took off his shoes by the door, shivering violently now, and shuffled through the hall towards the guest bedroom, trying not to leave too many puddles. He stripped off his soaking clothes once he was behind the closed door, wrapping himself in the quilt from his bed, seeing as he didn't have anything to change into.

He huddled under the fabric, trying to regain a little body heat, but to little avail. He wasn't there, long, however, before his stomach lurched. His careful attempts to warn it about the cracker had apparently gone unheeded. He pushed himself off, blanket still wrapped tightly around him as he headed for the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time.

When he was done he sat back against the wall in a weary flop, head throbbing. He'd never felt so exhausted in his life. His chest was heaving as he tried to get air back into his lungs, but something felt like it caught in his throat, and the coughs from before returned with a vengeance.

He frowned, eyes watering, the coughs denying him a full breath. He fought for air, the convulsions of his lungs making him curl into a ball on the floor, blood painting the arm he held across his mouth. He was starting to panic. He couldn't breathe.

 

Rose wondered what he was going to change into, considering he had no other clothes. Maybe he'd put them in the drier. Did he even know how to work a drier? She shook her head, flicking water droplets everywhere. She didn’t want to think about him. She crossed to the stove to make the tea, finally getting the courage to listen to her voicemail.

 _Beeep_!

"You have- _twenty four_ \- unheard messages. First unheard message.”

_“Rose, your dad says you're still here. What's happened, are you alright? What about- not that I want to get rid of you, kid, but I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Call me.”_

_Beeep!_

"End of message."

She wasn't looking forward to explaining to Jack, as good a friend he was, or to anyone, really.

"Next unheard message.”

_“Rose, I uh, heard you were still here, an' if I'm wrong I s'pose, you can go back to shagging your alien bloke, but I can't get a straight answer from anyone- I can't get to mickey, he's not picking up his phone. He alright? Call me.”_

_Beeep!_

"End of message. Next unheard-"

Rose hung up.

 

It was getting worse. Every cough seemed to bring a new wave of blood and gods-knew-what-else up to clog his airways. He reached up to grab at the toilet seat to try and haul himself up, but he couldn't concentrate enough to get a good hold, and just succeeded in leaving a bloody hand print on the porcelain. His vision flickered as he coughed again, and there was a puddle of red around him on the tile. _Breathe, dammit, I need to breathe..._ He wondered if he was dying. Rose would be relieved.

 

She sighed, putting her phone back into her pocket and twisting the heat higher under the kettle, wrestling with the strange ache in her chest until she found herself walking to his room. She knocked lightly on the bedroom door. "Um, I'm making tea. You're gonna drink it, so how do you want it?" Silence. "H'lo?"

 

His whole chest ached, his hands scrabbling around for anything that could help, but the efforts were becoming weaker, as were the coughs, his lungs starting to give up their struggle, blood still splattering his mouth with each half-hearted spasm.

 

"Alright, if you don't want tea, you can say so. I just wanna make sure you're alright," she called, the ache in her chest sinking as she got the unshakeable feeling that something really was wrong. She counted to ten.

"Alright, I'm comin' in." Nothing. She'd never known any version of the Doctor to be so quiet. She pushed into the room, seeing the pile of wet clothes on the floor, the quilt dragged off the unmade bed, and no Doctor (or whoever he was).

Upon listening closely, Rose could hear soft gasping noises- coming from the bathroom. Heart pounding, she ran to the bedroom's loo, the door was ajar, and pushed the door open without waiting.

There was blood. Everywhere. The white and black tile was smeared orange and red, and the metallic and bitter smell came from the saliva streaked vomit, veined with red.

And he was curled on the ground, tremors shaking his bony form- god, had he always looked so skinny?- eyes glassy, heaving for breath. Rose immediately dropped to her knees, not minding the blood, an "Oh my god," escaping as she tried to get his head level. "What's wrong? What do you need me to do?" The fear that attacked was surprising. He couldn't die, not now.

 

He was suffocating. Air evaded him for what seemed like forever, and blood just kept coming, clogging his throat, his nose, choking him until the next cough came, spasming any air he might have managed to win away again. It went on for so, so long, his time sense lost to him in the chaos, leaving him in a painful eternity.

Then someone else was there. He focused on them, and that was when he knew he must have died- was death really so painful? But there she was, his impossibility that confirmed he must be in some afterlife. Rose Tyler, holding him close, care and concern in her expression like it hadn't been since he became the faulty copy. He really must have died. Or, at the very least, he was on his way out.

Rose spoke, but he couldn't reply, and didn't know how to anyway. He had no idea what was wrong. He was starting to get lightheaded from lack of oxygen, panic making the coughs worsen again.

 

"Okay, okay, I got you," she murmured, trying with all her willpower to seem calm. She grabbed under his arms and around his back, dragging him into sitting position to hopefully drain some of the fluid in his lungs. She rested him halfway against the side of the tub, halfway against her. Under the spatter of red and thick saliva, his lips looked like they were turning blue.

Wriggling, Rose shakily grabbed the mobile from her back pocket, dialing 999 and holding down the last nine to put her through to Torchwood's hospital. "I need an ambulance right now- it's Rose Tyler, I have a man here, he's choking on his own blood, I think he's dying," she got out, voice catching only once. She tried to make him lean over so the blood would fall out of his mouth instead of clogging his throat. "Please, come quickly."

She shifted him and it _hurt_ , but suddenly something cleared for a second and he took a huge breath, only to go back to coughing a second later. He tried to calm down, he did, but that short gasp wasn't enough. He needed to breathe, dammit. He looked up at Rose, eyes meeting hers, terrified, but a little resigned. It was going to be over soon. She wouldn't have to hate him anymore.

She saw his resignation. "No, no, no, you're stayin' with me," she said with a forced smile, but her voice was waterlogged. "Right here, with me, you got it? You promised." She rocked him back and forth, wiping a smear of blood from his cheek and his hair off his face. His eyelids were dipping. "Come on, now, stay with me! Help is comin' soon." He gurgled between coughs, his lungs were full of fluid, probably blood. "Listen- listen to me!" she ordered. "I didn't cross 117 universes for you to die in my bathroom."

Everything hurt. His head was splitting open, his throat was raw, and every muscle in his body hurt from the body-wracking coughs. Tears are tracing down his cheeks, but finally, finally he managed to slow the coughing, and then stop it. Air still refused fill his lungs, but he could manage shallow breaths, gagging around the occasional heave of blood. He let out a whimper, leaning against her heavily as he breathed short and fast, eyes closing tiredly, his lungs still occasionally spasming in an attempt to clear whatever was blocking them. "Rose..."

"I'm here." she whispered, stroking the side of his burning face. "Is there anything I can do? Please, tell me how I can help you." His chest heaved, but his lungs definitely didn't sound like they were cooperating. Rose wiped away the bloody saliva from his mouth, took a deep breath, squeezed his nose shut, and bent down to press her mouth to his, pumping his lungs with air. He coughed weakly, but seemed to be able to breathe a little better. "Tell me what you need."

"Dunno..." he said, voice wavering, though his lungs seemed to be almost working now. His entire body was shaking with exhaustion. "Dunno... what's wrong..." He opened his eyes to look at her. "M'sorry... not him.. sorry..." he forced out, trying to get his point across.

She shook her head, pressing her forehead to his, silencing him. "Don't talk, it's fine, everything will be fine." It was more to convince herself than him. "You should've told me," she nearly pleaded.

He managed a weak shrug, his hand clenching into a fist as he fought off another wave of coughs, his lungs aching and burning. "Didn't care..." he faltered, eyes shifting from hers to a spot on her shirt. The truth of the admission only hit him as he spoke it, but it was true. He didn't care, not any more. He didn't have a future here, not a real one. No life worth living. He'd lived too long, in his other body. Maybe it was a blessing that he could actually die in this one.

She shut her eyes. "I care," she hissed at him, almost angrily. He was turning an almost bluish grey under the blood now, and she leaned over and pressed her lips against his, breathing oxygen stubbornly into his lungs. She could hear a siren outside.

His vision was spinning, causing weird distortions. She pushed air into him and he almost coughed, but managed to stop it, conserving precious oxygen. He kept his eyes on her, using the air she'd given him to say what he needed to. "Love you," he said as firmly as he could manage, the best he could do under the circumstances. He wasn't going to die without saying that one more time, fair or not.

She was unable to stop the tear from streaking to her chin. She put a hand on his sticky hot cheek, and she heard the bustle of Torchwood paramedics swarming the living room. "In here!" she yelled, and moments later they were pushing the gurney into the cramped bathroom and sliding an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. He grasped for her, panicked, and she held his hand as long as she could until the paramedics lifted him off the floor and rushed him down to the waiting ambulance. She was right behind them.

The world was suddenly alive with motion. He wanted to tell whoever it was to stop, that it hurt to move, that he just wanted to stay with Rose, but she was missing. It didn't matter for too long, anyway, as he slid into unconsciousness.

 


	4. Universal Bereavment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The source of the Doctor's illness is discovered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Alright guys. We sincerely tried to get this posted, but we're both in our senior year of school, and we also spent weeks doing research to make sure the medical references in this chapter were accurate, so.. We're sorry that it took so long. We will continue to update, please don't worry about us abandoning this story. We have no intention to do so. We really appreciate you guys sticking with us, and hope you enjoy this next installment!
> 
> Also, thanks so much to our new Beta, Sano S. Sagara! She'll be helping us edit things a bit more cleanly. Check out her work, as well, it's awesome!

The paramedics pushed the Doctor’s gurney into a curtained-off room. Rose tried to follow, but she was stopped at the door, left to just press her palms against the shielded glass, trying to catch a glimpse of what was going on through the hanging fabric on the other side. She didn’t waste more than a moment, however.

“Where’s Dr. Harper?” Rose demanded, rounding on the nurse filling out the Doctor’s paperwork. “He’s the best Torchwood has to offer, an’ I want him on our case _now_.”

“Dr. Harper is still in India, he was temporarily relocated there months ago to assist with an emergency, and the fallout,” apologized the nurse. “But Dr. Grinnald is available, and he’s trained under Dr. Harper in E.T. medical studies.” He pushed the form at Rose. “Fill this out, please.

Dr. Grinnald was bald, had cold hands, and looked perpetually worried and uncertain.

"What's the matter with him?" she asked a bit harshly.

"We don't know,” he said, and there was a gleam of excitement beneath the anxiety. “It is undetermined, given the nature of his species, that and, well, he has no medical history- that is to say, er, no history whatsoever.”

He seemed unaware of Rose staring at him as he continued on, his voice just a touch eager. “From his new exposure and instantaneous genesis, as it were, we can assume that his immune system may be unequipped, or nonexistent- really, with what you described, it could be any number of things that didn’t fully develop. There’s nothing like him anywhere in existence. Biologically he’s impossible, at least according to any theory up until this point, which presents an unprecedented opportunity for studying the interactions between semi-compatible species. Humans and time lords can breed, of course, in theory, but this goes beyond parentage, this is… this is a new form of DNA, a new set of proteins… This is the birth of a species…”

As he spoke the worry had slipped into a secondary position, making way for the passion of discovery. Now, as he noticed Rose’s levelled glare, his words became feeble and then faded entirely. He sagged back into concerned nervousness under the gravitational massiveness of her gaze.

"Is he going to die?" she asked bluntly.

Dr. Grinnald twisted his cold hands together. "It’s- He’s _new_.”

The glass doors finally opened, but instead of the Doctor being wheeled out on a gurney, a strange, glowing pod of some kind was pushed out, a hazy film over the open top. She got a glimpse of spiky hair.

“-how much his body can take, with the unheard of building and creating of his genome-"

“What the hell is that?” Rose interrupted, pointing at the pod.

Dr. Grinnald lit up again despite his efforts to seem professional. “Ah! They’ve got him stabilized, then! That’s a Kintzer Capsule, really is quite something! It sterilizes whatever is within the boundaries of the capsule, protecting the subject- him, that is- if his immunity is the issue. Normally, in less advanced hospitals, we’d have to put a fever patient in an ice bath, but _this_ emits a gas-” He noticed Rose’s narrowed eyes again and cleared his throat. “My condolences, Dr. Tyler.”

“What for? He’s not dead. Not yet,” she iterated coldly, before following the pod into the hospital room.

She watched as they positioned the pod in the center of a mass of equipment, and began to hook it up to the computer, regulators, and machines that would keep him breathing.

The single bleep of his heart monitor felt almost like a death sentence.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Torchwood hospital had been created specifically to deal with the odd sorts of injuries accrued by the world’s alien task forces. It was difficult to find a place for a hospital that dealt with so many odd injuries that wasn’t a bunker miles below ground, but that was where Pete Tyler came in. The building was located in the outskirts of London, and officially registered as a research plant for Vitex flavors, top secret, which explained the constant hours, odd ‘deliveries’, and top-notch security. The ground floor level did hold up the appearance of a research center, with reception and security up front and labs in the back. The fact that the labs were actually hospital labs, working on tests and procedures from the subterranean hospital below, well, that was need-to-know, and not many did.

Jackie Tyler was on a warpath. Most of the hospital employees knew her by sight and were wise enough to stay out of her way, but an unfortunate newly-hired orderly strode into her sights with the intent of turning her around. She hardly slowed, shoving her security clearance badge under his nose. "Lemme through, pin’ead. My daughter’s in there, and ‘er alien, an’ if you think your peaky arse is gonna have a thing t’ say about me goin’ in there-"

The startled man was saved by the fact that Jackie, at that moment, spotted the room number she was looking for, and his insolence became a secondary issue.

She shoved through the door and caught her first look at the man in the pod. Her eyes widened. "My God... ‘e looks awful!" Then she saw Rose in the chair and hurried over. "I came as fast as I could, sweet’eart."

"Thanks, Mum." Rose tried to smile, but only the muscles around her eyes tightened before she gave up. "The doctors aren't sure when he's gonna wake up." She shifted, then changed the subject. "Did you get everythin’ with Torchwood settled? Talk to the journalists? The last thing he needs is a bunch of cameras in his face if this gets out."

Jackie frowned, but nodded and pulled up a chair. "Torchwood's gonna keep this quiet. ‘Least they could do after all he's done for them."

Her jaw was locked as she stared at the stranger in the bed. The stranger she couldn't bear to lose. "How could I not notice, Mum? I didn't even notice how ill he was. What happens if he dies?" Her voice broke. "I just- pop a few universes over again, somehow, find the Doctor again, say- 'Will you take me back now? I know you gave me the spare to play with, but I broke him.'" Her mouth wobbled.

"Rose..." she sighed, reaching over to pull her into a hug. "’e's going to be alright. Don't you worry. ‘e'll pull through. Always does for you," she says gently. "It's not your fault. You couldn't've known he was sick. None of us saw it."

"I _should’ve_ , though! I saw the- the exhaustion, the coughing, always gettin’ pale an’ running to the toilets- he was vomiting up blood, Mum! While I was only a few rooms away an’ I didn't even _notice_."

"An’ he should’ve told you!" she exclaimed. "It's not your fault 'e was being a bloody idiot, now is it? An' how are you supposed to know what he's doing in the loo anyways?"

Rose said nothing, turning back to the pod. The Doctor- or rather, the man who looked like the Doctor- was thin and small under the blue haze, hair slick from sweat and his skin puckered white. Her stomach rolled as she remembered identifying the quiet body that UNIT had fished out of the Thames, just as pale and blue and still.

She’d kissed his cheek, once. It had been cold as kissing marble.

She rose out of her seat, and, mumbling something or other to her mum, not even sure herself of what she said, she left the room. The damn heart monitor was driving her spare.

"I love you, Rose," Jackie called quietly after her, at a total loss for what else to do, her heart breaking. She glanced over at the unconscious man in the bad. "You'd better wake up an' fix ‘er, mate."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Rose sat in the hospital cafeteria, picking at her greasy chips with no interest. She wasn't hungry. Why had she even ordered them?

A few minutes later Jackie found her, moving to sit across from her and taking a chip, biting into it and chewing slowly. After a while she took a breath. "Look... I know this ‘as to be ‘ard. An’ I don' want you to think I don' appreciate that. I love you so much, no matter what, and if you want to cut this bloke out of your life I won' stop you. I just don't think that'll make you any ‘appier. That's all."

"I didn't say it would. How's the deal with the crack going? Does the team know anything? Is Tony okay?" she asked.

Jackie blinked, but decided not to put up a fuss. "Tony's fine. He's sleeping with Pete an’ I for now. Torchwood's doing somethin’ with that bloody crack, but they’re not tellin’ me anythin’." She took another chip, looking around the crowded cafeteria.

"Has he told you that it's been talking to him? The crack, I mean." Rose sighed, then pushed the basket of chips over to her mother.

Jackie nodded, her expression concerned. "I know. But if Torchwood has any theories, they aren't talking. I'm worried. D’you have any idea what it might be?"

"None," she sighed. "Only that it might be- a scar, or somethin’, from the memory of the reality bomb. A temporal rift. I don't know." She rubbed at her temple, a headache building behind her eyes. "You should head home. You don't have to be here. An’ Tony needs you."

Jackie hesitated, but nodded, standing. "Alright. Just... think about what I said, alright?" she asked quietly, before taking her leave.

When her mother couldn't see her anymore, Rose let her head sink down to her arms. She was just so tired. Of everything. And unlike last time, there was nothing she could do. She fingered her phone, waiting for the hospital to call with the news that he had died or woken up. Anything to end the waiting. She jumped as it beeped in her hand, and quickly picked it up to look at the text that had popped up.

[Do you want to save the Doctor?]

Rose tensed. She looked to see who the text was from, but the field was blank.  
[Who is this?]

[That isn’t the question you should be asking.]

Her hands shook as she typed back, [How did you get this number?]

[Also the wrong question. How are your scars?]

Rose had plenty of scars. It came with the job- a long one down her hip from a Dravidian Manticore three years ago, an acid burn over her left shoulder, a penny-sized white circle near her navel from an encounter with a rough gang in a rougher universe. None stood out as being special.  
[What are you talking about? Who is this?] she repeated.

[The scars on your mind, poppet. From the vortex, but not big enough to save the man you love. Frustrated?]

Rose flinched at the name.  
[The Doctor doesn’t need saving. He’s in another universe.]

[Want to tear down those walls?]

Rose could feel her heart pulsing in her mouth. Before she had time to respond or even think too deeply on it, another text popped onto the screen.

[You can.]

[How]

[Do as I say.]

[Fuck off. ]

[Ok! Ta! :) ]

The mobile suddenly went dark, and then restarted, buzzing in her hand as the main screen loaded. Rose immediately opened the text messages with a sinking suspicion, and to her (unsurprised) dismay, no record remained of the conversation. She cursed quietly, and shoved the phone into her pocket. She didn’t want to think about this right now.

She headed back down to the room where the Doctor's pod was hooked up to a half dozen machines. She sat next to his bed, reaching out to feel the buzz of the energy barrier against her fingers. She wasn’t allowed to reach past it, and was surprised to find that that bothered her. Despite everything, she wanted to hold his hand. He looked the part of a dying man, skin taking on an odd tint through the bluish lense that was the barrier. The once-god looked small, alive only at the whim of the universe, and there was nothing she could do.

So Rose talked. Talked about running in a cold basement from shop window dummies, and diva talking flaps of skin at the end of the world, and werewolves, and getting Her Majesty the Queen to say 'I am not amused' which you still owe me for, knob. About how she’d thought she’d lost him in the pit, and then again, so soon after, at the 2012 Olympics, and then _really_ losing him at Canary Wharf. And she talked about how hard she worked for six years because what she wanted more than anything was to hold his hand again. They weren't lies, not really. They just weren't directed to him. Eventually her voice dwindled and her mouth dried and she sank low in the less-than-comfortable chair, dozing off despite the beeping of the heart monitor.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
He was drifting slowly through darkness, bits of memory flashing by, disjointed and twisted. All of them, however, circled around one individual. He watched her walk through the darkness, but no matter how he tried to reach her she slipped away. He tried calling out, but choked, something caught in his throat. He reached up to his mouth, and his hand came away dripping blood. Suddenly he was coughing, gagging, trying for air. _Rose... Rose... ROSE!_

Then suddenly he was awake, scrabbling to clear whatever was obstructing his throat. He found a tube, and followed it up towards his mouth, too panicked to bother thinking about why it was there. He needed to breathe, get this thing out of his throat. It _hurt_ \- Rose. Where was Rose?

His movement stirred her out of sleep. She sat bolt upright, not even sure if he was really awake or not. The Doctor whimpered, his clumsy hands trying to pull on the tube going down his throat, and she couldn’t help herself. Rose pushed through the barrier, rules be damned, catching both of his hands and holding them tight. The field buzzed around her arms, and she could hear an alarm going off somewhere at her intrusion, but she ignored it "Sshh, shh, it's okay. You’re- It’s helpin’ you breathe, alright?"

Her voice. Her hand. He grabbed for her desperately, gripping her hand like a lifeline as he floated into awareness. A few moments later he thought to open his eyes, blinking a few times to focus before he found her face. She was strangely tinted, but almost definitely real. He let out a sigh of relief, coughing slightly as halfway through the machine sent air in. He tried to relax and let it do the work.

His skinny fingers clutched at Rose’s desperately, and she squeezed back. "Hello, again," she smiled a bit tearfully. "Told you I wouldn't let you go off that easy.”

He tried to speak, but all that came out was a raspy whistle, and he cringed a little, swallowing and trying again, but all he could manage was a gag and he squeezed her hand again. He tried looking around, but he couldn’t see much beyond the confines of the pod. The machine forced air in and he winced as his lungs protested like he was breathing acid.

"Try not to talk, the doctors have probably noticed a fluctuation in your monitors an’ are on their way." Or the fact that her arm was shoved through the sanitation field. She swallowed, unnerved at how terrified she'd been of losing him.

She seemed confident that he wasn't going to drop dead on the spot, so that was alright, he supposed. Sure enough, Dr. Grinnald and several orderlies hurried into the room.

“Dr. Tyler, remove your arms from the pod-”

“He’s awake!” Rose turned, tightening her grip on his hand, tensing as they approached her.

“We suspect his immune system is compromised, breaching the field makes it less effective and you put him at risk.”

Rose raised an eyebrow. “The field sanitizes anything that goes through it, doesn’t it?” she retorted, not faltering. Grinnald paused slightly, before his eyes flickered to the Doctor, who was staring at the room with a confused, pained expression.

“We can discuss this later, if you like, but at this time we need to be able to examine him properly, so if you’ll please step back…”

Rose hesitated another moment, then pulled away, her fingers uncurling from around his reluctantly, stepping back to let the doctors approach.

"Glad to see you're awake, Mr. Smith," Grinnald beamed as he stepped forward, looking at the monitors.

The Doctor caught his gaze, wishing he could respond, but he knew better than to try and talk around the tube down his throat, so he contented himself to lock eyes with Grinnald, gaze clear despite the sharp, burning pain in his lungs.

“We weren’t sure if you were going to wake up, to be honest. Such an unprecedented case - your case, that is, your condition, it’s extraordinary. For the DNA to be merged on such a fundamental level- You see, that’s my theory. None of our tests are back yet- at least, most aren’t, and the ones that are aren’t telling us anything. Can’t. We don’t know what to test for. Any number of complications- the construct of your lungs, or, as you can see, the precautions we've taken with your immune system - it's quite possible you don't have one. But there’s never been anything- merging of the DNA- that has to have consequences. That’s what I’m banking on. That it’s something to do with that, but of course I can’t be sure, and I wonder, you are the expert in all of this of course-“

It was then that he seemed to realize his patient’s predicament and went a bit flustered.

“Ah, yes, of course… Let’s… I’d like to get rid of that tube, Mr. Smith,” Grinnald finally said sympathetically. “Do you feel like if I disconnect the ventilator you’d be able to breathe on your own?”

He nodded enthusiastically, before stopping short as that caused the tube to move in his throat.

“Stay still, please,” Grinnald suggested, a touch of concern in his overwhelmed expression. “Alright, I’m going to remove the ventilator, get you a bit hyperventilated so that you have oxygen in your lungs throughout the process, and we can go from there.”

The next few minutes were filled with quiet tests and questions as the ventilator was disconnected, mainly along the lines of ‘Can you breath alright?’ The Doctor kept his face as sass-free as possible as he nodded his responses, wishing they’d hurry along.

Finally, Grinnald gave the all-clear. He held still as the doctors worked to remove the tube from his trachea, tape ripped away. He gagged and screwed his eyes shut, but a few seconds later it was free. Taking in a breath was sharp and painful, shocking him into a deeper gasp. A mask was slipped over his face and started an easier flow of oxygen, and everyone watched him take several easier breaths. He looked up at Grinnald and nodded for the change and the medic switched the mask with a nasal cannula.

"Thank you," he said hoarsely, making a face at how raw his throat felt, and the way his lungs burned when he breathed. Still, better than not being able to talk. “You’re right, by the way. Mostly. Well done.”

Grinnald perked up slightly in curiosity. “How do you mean, exactly?”

“It is my DNA, at least that’s what it seems to be, judging from… Well, you wouldn’t know, would you, can’t run diagnostics, you humans. Seems I still can, which is a good thing. Also suggests you haven’t given me anything to dull my senses, which is also brilliant…” he paused to take a careful breath. “No pain killers or anything like that?”

Grinnald shook his head. “We know you have several allergies but were unable to obtain a complete list-”

“Good, no, that’s good, none of that nonsense anywhere near me, alright? Need to be able to feel what’s going on. I can do with my fancy time lord bits, but not if my head’s swimmy. Anyway it’s not the immune system. And even if it is, disease isn’t going to have a chance to kill me at this rate, is it? Because the point is that the genes aren’t getting along. It’s all-out war on the molecular level, and my body’s the battlefield.” He trailed off, wrinkling his nose. “Oh, that did sound a bit poetic, didn’t it?” He changed the subject. “Is this a Kintzer Capsule? It is, isn’t it. I met her once, Kintzer, back in the other universe. Bit of an odd bird. Excellent hair, though. Gave me a brilliant bottle of hair gel...”

Despite how exhausted and worried she was, Rose bit her lip to keep from smiling at his stupid, painfully familiar rambling.

Grinnald’s expression lit up enthusiastically. “I’d thought it might be something like that, but the tests- Oh, but this is brilliant. New terrain, totally unexplored…” he did, at this point, make a rather impressive effort to sober his expression. “Well, seeing as you seem to know the problem, do you have any recommendations as to a solution?” he asked a bit more calmly.

Rose’s heart sunk as the Doctor’s expression melted slowly into reservation. “Not at this time… no.”

Grinnald nodded slowly. "Then we’ll be working on that. Don’t you worry.” He glanced at his clipboard a moment, making a note. “We’d like to get you eating if we can. We're going to try ice chips in a little while, and if you keep that down, we can go from there. As for the sanitation field, I’d like to keep it up for the time being, until we get definitive results about your immune system, but I suppose we can allow Dr. Tyler to breach the field."

He took off his glasses. "Right, unless you have any questions, it looks like everything here is settled for the time being. I’ll probably be back with questions for you, Mr. Smith, but for now, get some rest." He waited for a moment, but when it became apparent that no questions were forthcoming, he walked out with the orderlies, leaving the Doctor and Rose alone.

The Doctor looked over at Rose, keeping his breathing slow to minimize discomfort. He was unsure of where they stood right now. Despite his reservations he reached out to take her hand again, but found he couldn’t break past the field. He bit the inside of his cheek and let his hand drop. Truth be told, he was afraid. He'd just started existing. He didn't want to die.

She saw the movement and reached through the field from her side, closing her fingers around his again and rubbed her thumb over his hand. "You'll be fine," she told him, like it was forbidden to even think about the alternative. "I'll- I'll figure something out to give your cells an extra push. Everythin’ will be right as rain."

He gripped her hand, nodding a little, not meeting her gaze. Why did she care? She'd been dying to get rid of him before, he'd seen it all over her face every time she'd looked at him. He didn't want to die, but on the same token... He didn't let himself finish the thought.

"I'm serious. An’ don't expect me to do it on my own, you have to put forth the effort to hang on just a little while longer." The beeping of the heart monitor somehow hurt less when he was conscious. "Torchwood has no bloody clue what they're doing. They don't have any idea what the crack is. They need an expert, so you need to get better soon." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

Ah. There it was, the explanation. She was worried about Tony. It made sense, but despite his efforts not to, he'd had just a little hope that maybe she did care about him, and it hurt as it was ripped away again. He let his hand go slack in hers, pulling away on the premise of scratching an itch, and not reaching out again.

She felt almost hurt when he dropped her hand, until she remembered she had no right to be. "How're you feeling?" she asked quietly, leaning back in the chair and providing some space between them.

He almost said 'fine', but given the circumstances that would be beyond childish. "Sore. Tired," he said, his voice still rough. He looked over at her, having firmed up his expression enough to meet her gaze. "What about you?"

Rose offered him a weak smile. "Better, now that you're awake." She chewed on the pad of her finger, biting a strip of skin away. "I'm sorry. For everythin’. I know it wasn't fair."

His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to figure out what was going on in her mind. He shook his head a little at her apology. "You were right," he said quietly. "I'm not him, and I never will be."

She blinked. "I- I never said that." Not out loud, anyway. "But- I've been treating you pretty much like shit since you came here, and it makes it even more wrong after I-" _The cold wind, the wet sand, salt on his new lips, his fists clenched at his sides before coming up her back, like he was afraid she'd fly away, his skinny shoulders she wrapped her arms around, his mouth tasting like everything she’d ever dreamed of._ Rose cleared her throat. "Anyway. I'm sorry.”

He looked at her quietly for a long time, sorting out what he was going to say. Finally, he gathered as large a lungful as he dared, sighing it out. "We’re strangers, and I've imposed myself on your life and caused you pain. I cannot apologize enough for that. When I'm better... I'll be alright making it on my own here.” _I won't hurt you any longer._

Something else in her fought against what he said. No, she didn't want him to leave. Instead, she blinked rapidly and nodded. "I, um... I gotta call Mum, I promised her I'd tell her when you…” She gestured twitchily and stood.

He watched her stand. "I'm going to get a little sleep," he said, barely above a whisper. He shut his eyes, concentrating on the harsh sting of his lungs to maintain control, and let her walk away.

Rose looked over her shoulder and hesitated for a moment e stepping out of the room. Everything was so wrong, and it was all her fault. She quickly sped-dialed her mum, steadying her voice beforehand.

Jackie picked up immediately. "Rose? Rose is that you? How is he? Is 'e awake? Oh, god, he's not... is he?" she said all in one breath, gripping the phone nervously.

"No, no, he's- he's awake now, Mum. An' talking." She heard her mum sigh in relief. "The doctors say they can't do anything, we just have to wait."

"Alright... Well at least he's awake... How's 'e doing?" She waved Pete off as he walked into the room, mouthing that it was Rose and motioning for him to wait a moment. "How are _you_ doing?"

She drummed her fingers on the cold metal of the phone. "He's... okay. Really weak, but lucid. I'm just glad he's awake, I didn't think he'd wake up at all." She sucked on her lip. "I'm gonna try and find some help. There's gotta be a way that could help him somehow."

"I'm sure you'll find something," Jackie said, pushing a hand through her hair. "And you didn't answer my other question. Are you alright, Rose? I'm worried about you."

 _I feel like shit. He's dying and I meant to make him feel better but I think I just made it worse._ "I said I'm fine, relieved that he's awake. For now, I'm just grateful for that small miracle."

Jackie pulled the phone away from her ear to give her something to stare at disbelievingly for a moment. Then she put it back and sighed. "Alright. If you say so. Keep me updated, an’ let me or Pete know if you need anything. An’ call Jack and Jake! My phone’s been ringin’ off the ‘ook. They say you aren’t returnin’ their messages."

"You too. With Tony and the crack, I mean." She rubbed at her eye before hanging up, deciding not to respond to the bit about the phone calls. She wouldn’t know what to say. _Well, where the hell am I supposed to start now?_  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_He was walking with Rose along the beach. The wind was cold, but neither of them minded. The TARDIS wasn't parked too far away, anyway. Their hands were linked between them, her smaller fingers interlaced with his long ones. She was laughing, beautiful creases forming around the wide curve of her mouth, their hands swinging, her head leaning to rest on his shoulder. He looked down at their footprints in the sand, and frowned. Three sets of footprints, not two._

_He looked back up at himself and Rose, and then stopped walking. Himself and Rose. How could he be watching himself? His stomach dropped, and he watched as Rose looked back over the Doctor's shoulder at him, still laughing, though now she was mocking him. "Look at him, isn't it pathetic? Sickly and weak." The Doctor smirked, turning to look at him as well. "I'm ashamed to even call him my double." Rose laughed more at that, sneering at him for a moment before turning to the Doctor, eyes sparkling merrily. "Let's go, alright?"_

_He watched as they walked towards the TARDIS, and felt horror building. He started to run after them. "No! No, don't leave me here!" he shouted even as the door shut and the box started to fade. "Don't! Don't leave me! I don't want to be alone!" He made a dive for the spot where the TARDIS had been, but it was gone. He fell to his knees in the cold sand. "Don't leave me here alone..."_

Rose half-heartedly flipped through a magazine while the Doctor slept. They’d passed the thirty-six hour mark, and she still hadn’t gone home. Grinnald’s tests had been returned, and he’d confirmed that the Doctor’s immune system was not the issue. As a result, the Doctor was finally ‘free’ (as he put it) of the pod, and relaxing in a much more comfortable- or, at least, spacious- hospital bed.

She looked up, however, as he started crying out in his sleep, the beeping of his heart monitor picking up speed. "No... all alone... Don' leave me here alone!..." he whimpered, coughing a little.

She set the magazine aside and took his hand. "It's okay, it's okay, it's just a dream," she murmured, wiping the hair off his sweaty forehead. Burning up again. She pressed the call button and tried not to yell. "Could you send someone down here, please? His temperature's spiked." Rose hoped it didn't mean his body was finally fizzling out. "Calm down, wake up, it's okay."

_He dug his hands into the sand, tears pouring down his face. The water washed up over his hands, but it was dark and warm, and dyed his hands red. He looked up in surprise as a wave overcame him, and suddenly he was being pulled out to sea, the taste of blood filling his mouth. He went under, struggling to surface again, when something grabbed his hand, pulling him down…_

He started awake, letting out a yell of panic and pulling his hand away from whatever was holding it, trying to get his breathing back under control, adrenaline coursing, his body shaking. He was cold. He tried to run a diagnostic, figure out what was wrong, but something was muddling his mind-

"It's Rose. I'm here," she whispered. He startled awake, gasping like he'd been drowning. She put a hand to his face, trying to give him something to hold onto to wake up fully. "See? You're alright, you're okay." His fever was going up even as she touched him. "Calm down, it wasn't real, whatever you saw. You're safe."

He heard her voice, felt her hand, and grasped at it desperately. "Don't leave me. Please, _please_ don't leave me," he begged hoarsely, his eyes finding her face a moment later. His own were wild with panic, his heart racing. He shivered involuntarily, still fighting for breath.

"I'm not," she says firmly, calmly. "I'm stayin' right here." She wasn’t sure if he was he lucid, or was he talking feverishly now. The Doctor's eyes, so wide and vulnerable, shook her, but she didn't let it show. The doctors and nurses ran in as he moaned. "He started to have a nightmare, or something- when I felt him, he was burning."

He struggled to focus, but he couldn't concentrate. The room was a blur of lights and faces, sometimes snapping into focus for second before slipping away. Sounds echoed in his ears, but he heard Rose, could feel her hand in his. He closed his eyes for a moment as he started coughing again, but it settled after a moment.

Grinnald moved quickly forward to check the monitors. "His temperature's rising quickly," he confirmed, moving quickly to a drawer and starting to prepare an injection. "We can’t waste time transferring him to the pod. Hold him down," he said to one of the orderlies as the Doctor started thrashing slightly on the bed, trying to kick the covers away. A few seconds later he injected a drug into the IV, setting it aside and moving to look at the monitor, counting under his breath quietly. He hit forty, and the spike started to slow. He nodded slightly.

Rose let out the breath she had been holding a little. "What was happening? How'd you manage to stop it?" She chewed on her finger again and the salty bitterness of blood bloomed over her tongue.

He looked over at her, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I don't know. We didn’t have time to get him into the pod, so we gave him Ibuprofen to lower the fever. It's his fight right now. There is good news, though. His breathing is stronger. It looks like his lungs are healing."

She nodded, looking back to the Doctor’s limbs that were gradually slowing their fight against whatever demons he was screaming at. "You think he'll be awake anytime soon?" she asked, her voice level.

"I know very little right now," Grinnald said with a sad smile. "But I would imagine the fever is the problem right now, and that's going down... It shouldn't be too long."

Rose stared at the man in the bed for a few more moments before making her decision. "I'm goin’ out. Call me, soon as anything changes." For a moment she wondered if she should say goodbye, squeeze his hand one final time, maybe even kiss his hot stubbly cheek. But she thought better of it and strode out of the hospital room with purpose.

Walking out of the hospital building, Rose glanced at her phone for the latest calls. No record of the mysterious voice. Figured. Okay, what to do, what to do. Maybe she could use the dimensional cannon, not cross to his universe necessarily, just manage to send a message. She climbed into her car and turned the ignition. _I've got to start somewhere,_ she thought as she peeled out in the direction of Torchwood, London.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jack Harkness sat at his desk in the Torchwood hub, feet up next to his computer, flipping through case files and reaching over to add a note to his chart. He looked up as he heard the hub door open. "Hello?"

"Jack." Rose said stiffly as she strode across the room. "I need your help.”

He straightened, took his feet off the desk. “Rose. Where have you been? I’ve been trying to call-”

“Where’s th’dimension cannon? Is it still on base?"

"Rose, " he said, surprised, walking over. "Does this have something to do with the Doctor? I got the briefing- You’re not jumping again, are you? No, wait, screw that. You’re not jumping again. Period. "

“You think I don’t already know that? That I literally can’t?” she snapped. “No, no, m’not. But I need it to- I just need it, alright?”

“What for?” he asked, tucking his hands into his pockets. But something in her face told him she wasn’t going to jump. “The cannon… it’ll need some work.”

“Where?” she said shortly, hands clenching and unclenching.

“Just a moment…” He started booting up another computer, accessing to the central data storage.

Rose crossed her arms. “This working is going to depend on a lot of things. The stability in this universe.. in his... We can't do anything that's going to threaten stability. Not again.”

He nodded. "Okay. As long as you understand that." He entered a few key codes and a panel in the wall slid back, revealing a carefully concealed room. In twelve outcoves around the room made up the cannon. The large space in the center functioned as the barrel.

Rose strode over to the control panel, running her hands over the wires and dials, corroded and melted. She ran a finger over a shoddy weld in the metal they’d made last minute, a vitex bottlecap for one of the knobs when the original had overheated and melted right before one of the last jumps. They’d needed to make adjustments and repairs between every jump, and now that the universe was saved, the stars back and walls shut, no one had bothered to maintain it. Rose almost felt guilty. That had been her job.

Jack was right, it would need a lot of work.

“Rose,” Jack said again, softly, bursting her moment of thought. “Most everyone else is taking care of the mess from the last few days or have gone home. But I’ll help, whatever you’re doing. But I have to know what we’re trying to fix.”

Rose lifted her head and looked Jack hard in the eyes. He was afraid of her. It wasn’t first time.

Incidentally, it was also one of the many things he loved about her.

“I need to get it up an’ ready for communication,” she told him evenly. “I need t’talk to the Doctor.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Tireless hours passed as Rose typed in exact coding digit by digit and rewired so many circuits that her fingers became striped with cuts and burns. It was working backwards, so that the cannon would work through the rift rather than the (now non-existent) gaps of the universe and transport sound and image rather than people. She screamed internally every time another wire short-circuited, but only took another spare one to implement again. She barely even knew they were making progress or not. His pale feverish face just lurked in her mind's eye, spurring her forward. There was likely impossible. It was also one of their only options.

A few hours later Jack slid his way out of the crawl space behind the machine. "I think that's it," he says, wiping the sweat off his forehead and pushing one of his rolled-up sleeves a little farther up his arm. "Either it works now... or.." He shrugs. "If it's right, we should be able to hack directly into the TARDIS display." He looked over at Rose. She was as driven now as she had been all those months when they were first developing this thing. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes," Rose answered simply. She didn't want to see him, didn't want to talk to him. "I'm ready. Put us through."

He nodded, walking over to the control panel and making room for Rose as he started entering coordinates into the main computer. A few seconds later an image of the TARDIS control room crackled into view on the console’s screen. Movement flickered briefly in the corner.

“Doctor!” Rose yelled. She’d barely had time to say his name before the connection turned to white noise. “Fuck!” she snarled, banging the screen in frustration. She’d not even seen him. “C’mon, help us input again, further ahead in the time stream,” she ordered Jack, already stooping and coiling several wires, jaw set.

It took over half an hour to reestablish any sort of connection. The picture was clearer this time, and for several glorious seconds, Rose found herself staring at the Doctor’s… back. “Doctor!” she yelled again, almost overwhelmed that it had worked. But something was wrong. She still couldn’t hear him. Why couldn’t he just _bloody turn around_? “Doctor!” she called, before the picture collapsed in a fuzz of white noise.

“Oh, for-” Rose rubbed her forehead with the back of her tarnished hand before ripping open the panel beneath the screen. “Bloody… audio… Jack, get me in again.”

“Already on it, just need to find a gap in the timeline…” The screen fizzled, back to the control room. And on the right of the screen was…

“Doctor!” Jack called. No response. He cursed quietly.

“‘Ang on,” Rose said from the floor, crying out victoriously as she found the bent wire disrupting the audio and twisted it.

Jack tried again. "Doctor, can you hear me?"

The Doctor's head snapped up, and he looked at the screen with confusion. There was a glare of light from the sonic, and the picture came into clearer focus. The Doctor’s eyes narrowed, bemused.

"Jack? Is that you?"


	5. "Pis Aller"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well well, here we are again. We keep saying 'we'll update soon' and then soon turns out to be a few months. We're sorry. We'll try and be better, but stressful life things happened, as they do. Just know that, no matter the gap, we will always keep updating!

“ _Jack? Is that you_?”

 The breath stuck in Rose's throat. His voice. Strong and healthy and the actual Doctor's voice. She was still crouched, clasping the wire, beneath the screen's view as the picture cleared. The Doctor, the honest-to-goodness Doctor. She couldn't breathe, much less talk. 

Jack motioned for her to come into view, but she was frozen. He gave her a worried glance, then turned his attention back to the screen. "Sort of. Jack from an alternate universe, the one you call 'Pete's world', so technically we've never met, but I've heard about you. Rose and I, we need-" Here he was interrupted as the Doctor's expression went wild, a strange mix of hopeful and afraid. "Rose?! Is she there? Is she alright?" 

She closed her eyes for a moment, and she could hear the blood pounding in her ears, in her head. "I'm here," Rose finally murmured, stepping to the side before standing up.

He looked almost exactly as she remembered- body tensed with energy like a coiled spring, eyes large and fierce and earnest. There was so much she wanted to scream at him, accuse him of, but instead she looked at her shoes. Yelling wasn't why she was here.

"Rose..." he said softly, eyes tracing her carefully,seeming to drink in and catalogue every inch of her, analyzing if she was alright. She didn't look alright. She looked stressed, tired, empty. He hated himself for being a bit glad that she wasn't happy without him.

She was angry, that was for sure. The flecks of bronze in her eyes were shining in that way he so remembered when she was downright furious. But... "Are you safe? Why did you contact me?" he finally asked. It sounded callous, even to his own ears, and he winced slightly. "Not that I'm not happy to hear from you. I am. I've-" he almost said _I've missed you, I've been so lonely, I'd give anything to have you back..._ But that wouldn't be fair to her at all, and he swallowed it back. “What’s happened?”

"He's dyin' because his biology's unstable, that’s ‘what’s happened’,” Rose bit, and he nearly flinched at how accusatory she sounded. “Did you know _that_ when you abandoned us on that beach?" she snapped. "Because right now, he has a piss poor chance of makin' it, an’ it doesn't look good. An’ you, you just _dumped_ him, without even checking if he was alright." 

"He... I.. What?" He reached up to push a hand through his hair. "No, of course I didn't know! I never thought for a second... Though of course I should have guessed, what with Donna..." He blinked, then tugged at his ear in such a familiar way that Rose thought she was going to be sick. “Sorry, sorry, what d’you need?”

Rose ignored his last question. "What’s happened with Donna?" Her eyes widened. "You're not travelin’ alone, are you?" 

"No! No, nah, Donna... She's fine. She's.. She's asleep, just gone to bed.”

 “You’re still a shite liar. What’ve you done with Donna?” Rose demanded, and her tone left no room for argument.

He seemed to plead with her to leave it, but when she didn’t stand down, his head bowed and he almost seemed to shrink. "I had to erase her memory,” he admitted lowly. “Everything about me. About us. To do otherwise would have killed her, because of the metacrisis. She's home." He took a breath, then moved on quickly, eager to leave the topic behind. "Now, do you have the duplicate's medical records, a scan, or can you describe his symptoms?"

“Doctor.” He couldn't travel alone. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. She wanted to comfort him, say she was sorry a million times- 

But there wasn’t time for that. It wouldn't placate the screaming loss she knew was darkening his hearts . She cleared her throat. "Everythin’ is rejecting itself, supposedly. He was vomiting blood, and then he started coughing it an’- coming out his nose, ears. Um. They've managed t’clear out his lungs, but today, his fever spiked again. He started screaming. He says- I mean, he thinks that it’s his human bits an’ Time Lord bits not working together. I can get you his medical records, if you need."

He started pacing around the control room, reaching up to push his hair back as he clamped his eyes shut, trying to think. "The human DNA isn't compatible with the triple helix DNA and TNA... You need some sort of a bridge," he muttered, walking back and forth. "A neutral protein to close the gap between the two..." He sighed, looking up at her suggestion. "No, no, I don't need the specs, what you've told me is enough to isolate the issue... I'm so sorry, Rose. I never meant..."

"Doesn't matter." Rose clipped. "It's done now. Neutral protein. What exactly is that? What form would it come in, an’ how could we administer it?"

He groaned, reaching up to rub at his eyes a little. "I don't know... you might have to create it artificially. Though of course there isn't time for that..." he paced back and forth. "Jack, in that universe do you still have your vortex manipulator?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah. Bit spotty, but it’ll do. 

"Good," he said, still thinking. "Then I'm going to send you coordinates. And you'd better hope our universes are the same in this... there's someone who is developing this technology in about two hundred years’ time. Just met them a few weeks ago. They’re going to be interesting to deal with, but if you’re going to have a chance of saving him, you need to get a sample."

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Why didn’t the other Doctor know about this?”  
  
“Wasn’t him, was I? He’s just got the bits up to when we split, nothing after.” His gaze was on another screen, reading something.

“But… you said a few-”

“Weeks. Yes. When do I ever line up with you, Jack? Keep with the times, come on!”

"And you think whoever is making it will agree to helping us?" Rose asked. Despite herself, hope began to rise in her chest.

"No, they aren't going to be willing to help at all," he sighed. "You're probably going to have to steal it. If you have to bargain... Well, no. Don't do that. Just avoid that."

She nodded shortly. "An' what exactly will we be dealing with? Aliens? Androids, what?" 

"Aliens, I suppose," he said. "Though not like you're thinking. This species is a thought form. They'll be working inside of human bodies. The humans are completely unaware of what's going on, but they're alive. Forced into service, sort of like what you lot do to horses, so try and avoid hurting them."

“Where is it, exactly?” Jack put in. “This stuff?”  
  
“Good question... “ the Doctor sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. “In my universe it was on the second floor, where all the labs are. There’s one massive one towards the back, with a big ol’ great shiny door. Really unnecessary. They’ve not quite picked up subtlety, seems.  But you’ll need to be wary of their security. Telepathic sweep checking all personnel every ten minutes. And you won’t pass. They can’t do it more frequently than that, the long range scans require too much energy, so you need to be in and out in that time.”

“And if it’s different in our universe than yours?” Jack shifted slightly so he was more in view of the camera.

The Doctor shook his head a little. “Then there’s nothing I can do to help you. Hopefully it’s the same. The chromosomal bridge is a liquid, probably stored in small metallic containers. When you get it, it'll need to be injected into his spinal cord. " 

He looked back from his reading, returning his attention to them. "So... then... I suppose this is it. It... It was really brilliant to see you again."

Rose swallowed. "What about you?"

 "What about me?" He tried to sniff casually, but it looked a bit pained. "I'll just be travelling. Nothing to worry about. What about you, is the question. You take care of yourself, alright?" he asked, burying his hands in his pockets.

She shook her head. "You'll be alone. You promised me you wouldn’t be."

He closed his eyes, taking a breath. "I'm sorry. I was wrong and- I'm sorry. But nothing you did on that beach was going to affect my decision. It was a mistake, but at the time I was set on it, and now there's no way for you to get back..."

"Yeah, guess not. Hell of a mistake," she spat. She paused for a moment, then asked "What do I do?" It was unfair, but she couldn't help herself. “‘Cause I lookit him-” She broke off.

"I don't know, Rose..." he said quietly. "Leave him, or send him away, or... I really don't know. I mucked it up, and I can't fix it. I’m sorry."

“What, you abandoned him here, dyin’, and now you want me to do the same?” Rose asked bluntly, leaning forward.

“No! No, of course not. I’m just- I’m just saying that you don't have to- to love anyone you don't want to. That’s all.”  
  
She sighed, shifting back onto her heels. “Look… I know, I’ve been treating him like shit. I have. But he isn’t. He’s just…”

“Not me…”

“God, do you know how stuck up that sounds?” she snorted, but there wasn’t much humor in her voice.

The Doctor opened his mouth to reply, but closed it after a second, looking away. "I wish I could help you, Rose... But there's nothing I can do."

 _Well, fat lot of good you are._ She cleared her throat and looked him in the eye. "Please... please don't travel alone, Doctor. Not for too long, at least. Survive." She looked down, her lashes clumpy and dark.

"You, too, Rose..." he said quietly. "And this is going to sound incredibly full of myself, but... Don't try and come back, alright? You've been lucky so far, but... I don't want to see you hurt. You're safe, that's the one reassurance I have."

He may as well have slapped her. She nodded anyway. “You didn't say goodbye, the last time," Rose said quietly. "Say it now."

He looked at her a long time, his throat convulsing, his hand in his pocket in a death-grip around his sonic. "Call again," he said finally. "Goodbye, Rose Tyler. Be happy."

 Rose switched off the screen and rubbed at her eyes.

 Jack wondered if the human Doctor was as much of a prick as this one.

Rose straightened. "Right. I'll get some weapons, you set the coordinates."

"Listen, Rose-" Jack said. "When I said it was spotty, I was being nice. You know it's not worked properly since the nineties. The crystal refractor was damaged and what's in there now is like a spare tire on a car. It's fragile, you're only meant to drive on it long enough to get a replacement. The trip is going to be dicey, at best. Even getting there will be dangerous."

Rose looked at him, handing over a blaster and buckling a holster onto her belt. "Will it get us to the proper time and place?"

He took the gun and put it in his own holster. "If the refractor holds up. Otherwise we're sprayed in wet chunks, all over the timeline. Which I wouldn't exactly call 'likely', but it's not impossible either."

Rose's shoulders relaxed. "Jack, I'll be fine on my own. You don't have to go."

"Like hell you're going on your own. You know my situation, I'll snap back no matter what happens. It's you I'm worried about." 

"I get that it's a risk. I'm still going."

"As long as you understand that." He nodded at her, waited until she grasped his arm, and hit the button.

 

It didn't have the feeling of numb white noise of the dimension cannon nor the easy weightlessness of the dimension hopper. Rose felt her insides turned inside out around her bones, pulled tight and taut and into strings and for a moment she wasn't sure they'd make it.

 They materialized in a sudden flash of cold that left her gasping.

 "Easy," she heard Jack say as the room spun. "Take a breather. Warned you it wouldn't be pretty." She gripped onto him until she was sure that her stomach hadn't been turned inside out by the journey and took in her surroundings.

 They were in a white corridor, and doors with glass windows and various warning signs and safety posters lined the walls. She pulled out the Doctor’s sonic (which hospital had handed back to her after they had redressed the Doctor's double in a hospital gown) and started scanning.

 “Alright, we got lucky,” she said quietly. “Judging from the residual Schumann Resonance waves bouncing about, they just scanned the place less than a minute ago. We’ve got time. Let’s go.” She took her blaster from the holster. "Remember what he said, try not to kill anyone."

 Jack nodded and moved forward, peering around the corner. He motioned the all clear and continued down the hall, reading the labels on doors as they passed.

 Rose crept along behind him. "Seems we’re on the lab floor, which is hopefully a good sign, so start looking around for that door he was going on about,” she said, starting to peer through doors on the right.

He nodded, looking around the hallway for cameras or sensors despite the Doctor’s assurances that none-telepathic security would be light. Still, there were none that he could see.

After a few minutes of searching, they were both becoming edgy. “This floor isn’t that big,” Rose hissed. “He said it was the only one in its hallway, it shouldn’t be that difficult to find.”

“Agreed,” Jack murmured, looking over his shoulder for perhaps the twentieth time. “We’re running out of time, we need to speed this up.”  
  
“Brilliant observation, Captain. All your years at Torchwood teach you that, or are you just naturally gifted?” She started down the next hall.  

“Naturally gifted,” he retorted as he turned the corner- and immediately backpedalled, shoving her back against the wall. “Shit.”

“Wh-” But Rose didn’t get a chance to ask, as two people- a man and a woman dressed in silver jumpsuits- came marching around the corner. “Who are you?” the woman asked briskly, in absolute monotone.

“I’m… Uh.. We’re part of the technical research division…” Rose said quickly, trying to match the monotone. A presence brushed against her mental barriers as she spoke, and she quickly reinforced them, as Jack flinched, evidently experiencing the same treatment.

“You are not a member of our technical staff. You are not authorized to be on-”

“Yup, that’d be us,” Jack muttered as he stepped in with an elbow to the man’s temple. Less than a minute later, the two aliens were unconscious, and Jack and Rose were running down the hall, looking for a way upstairs.

“Odds that they alerted their friends?”

“It’s a hive mind, Jack. Do you really have to ask?”

They found a corner stairwell and started jogging up it. “Alright, so we have no time left,” Jack panted as they ran. “We’ve just got to find the damned shiny door.”

“Assuming _that_ bit of info is correct. Honestly wasn’t anticipating that this would be this much of a pain in the arse,” Rose muttered, shoving through the door to the next level and starting down the hall, Jack at her heels.

They blew past the hallway so quickly that Jack almost didn’t see it, but he skidded to a stop, backing up a pace to look. “Rose! Over here!” he called, heading down the small side hall to the buffed steel door.

Rose ran after him and frantically began to try unlocking it with the sonic screwdriver just as an alarm began to scream. The dood clicked open twenty seconds later and they shoved in.

Rose shut the door behind them as they looked around the chrome lab, and Jack groaned at the piles of equipment and boxes. “They couldn’t have been nice enough to label anything, I don’t suppose?” he muttered, jogging over to a table and starting to rifle through containers as a loud alarm began sounding.

Rose pushed aside countless cases, looking for something resembling the canisters the Doctor had described. They would be overtaken soon- there! Metal cylinders, labeled with the batch dates. "Jack, what's today's date?" she yelled frantically over the din.

He glanced at the vortex manipulator, doing the math in his head as quickly as he could. "February, 2236... the 16th? 17th?" he called back, returning to his search, throwing open another cabinet and growling in frustration as all he found was cleaned glassware.

February, February- Ah! February 3rd, 2236. She squinted at the labels, doing her best to read the terminology on the labels, a few words jumping out her. Bonding, structure, chain, protein- "I think I've found 'em!" She said, grabbing the canisters that were linked together, almost like a six pack of lager. A very large titanium six pack. "I hope."

"There's nothing else here, this has to be it." Jack hissed. "Let's go!" He headed for the door as tramping footsteps echoed from the hall.

“What are you doing?” Rose hissed, heading after him. “Let’s just take the manipulator out of here!”

“About that,” Jack said, giving her a sheepish look, before pushing through the door and starting to run, her right behind. “You remember how I said- this way- it’s a bit wonky? Well in order to get from one place to the other it needs to know where it’s coming from, and- left?- that bit’s sort of broken and just automatically assumes you’re going from the place you last went to, and resetting it takes about an hour-” He glanced over his shoulder as the footsteps behind them got louder. Several people in silver jumpsuits suddenly turned the corner behind them, looking incredibly odd as they ran with vacuous expressions and raised energy blasters.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Jack!” she snarled, dodging around a corner and down the stairs, shoulder aching as she struggled to keep hold of the titanium plated cylinders. “That’s the biggest load of- This thing is bloody useless!”

“Don’t insult it!”

“I’m sorry, does it have feelings now, too?!” She gave up on the sarcasm as they burst through into a central hall of some sort, with a central information booth and corridors leading off in all directions. “Oh.”

Jack stalled for just a moment, before yanking Rose sideways and into a storage closet, shutting it behind them. They both held their breath as their pursuers blow past the door. "That won't last long," he muttered, squinting in the dark. "We need to get back to where we landed."

Rose panted in the dark, but the silence only lasted a few moments. The door and left wall exploded inwardly from a blast of low pressure energy. Rubble pebbled hard in her hair and they coughed in the dust as they tore out the door.

The alarm whine was causing her head to pulse behind her eyes. Silver jumpsuits flashed under the white lights and poured in Rose's peripheral. They seeped from the corners, on the balcony, down the stairs, down on the lift, their movements awkward but so closely packed they were like a thrumming swarm. Every single one of them was pointing a gun. If they hit the cask...

"Get it to him," she ordered, and shot the crane of the lift, causing it to swing and buck out its passengers, before running headfirst into the crowd, shooting in the air.

Luckily, she didn't hit anyone, but it certainly got their attention. They swarmed towards the threat rather than the thief, giving Jack space and time. Dozens of gloved hands seized around her with such unrestrained tightness she gasped in pain.

Rose didn’t go quietly. She kicked out a leg, heard the kneecap pop, scratched fiercely at the corpse-like faces. She bit through the gloves covering her mouth and tasted their blood. "Go, Jack! J'f go! You cn' come back fer' m-" Rose felt a cold prick in the side of her neck and her limbs instantly became heavy and washed numb.

Rose blinked slowly, looking both surprised and puzzled. Jack could see her lips move. _Save him._ Her eyes sank closed and the swarm of silver jumpsuits swallowed her up.

Jack didn't have time to think. Rose was no longer a threat and they were returning for him. He looked at her one last time, just a flash of blonde hair in the crowd, before grabbing the container and bolting. Two minutes later he reached their entrance coordinates, and was gone.


	6. Important Announcement!

**We haven't forgotten about you and we haven't died! Hooray!**

**HOWEVER, the reason for such a long hiatus is because so much has changed. Firstly, we've both graduated (high school and college, respectively.)**

**Melissa has wanted to help crew a tall ship since she fell in love with them before we met, and Alexandra's uncle happens to be the captain of a tall ship down here in California. To make a long story short, we're very happy to announce that after over three years of Internet friendship, on May 19th, we finally met our best friend for the first time (http://thefaceofhoe.tumblr.com/post/128650400707/so-this-is-a-late-announcement-probably-no-one#noted). It's been amazing, even though we're still an hour apart and Melissa's schedule is busy.**

**Melissa is living aboard the ship, and she loves it. Unfortunately, as said before, she's kept very busy and the Internet is almost half a mile away.**

**What does that mean for this story? Fortunately for you, that it's about to become more regular. Part of why this was put on hold for so long was figuring out that we'd have to change our way of editing. From now on, Alexandra will primarily be editing and updating this fic. It will now be much more regular and reliable, partly because we don't have to coordinate editing as much, partly because Alexandra is just a more "on the ball" sort of person than Melissa.**

**The next three chapters have been edited in order to get them to you in a timely manner, and the next update is tomorrow!**

**I repeat, _next update is TOMORROW_ , aka, Thursday. More on the update schedule, then.**

**Alexandra also has a surprise she's been working on to make up for the long wait, so keep an eye out.**

**Melissa has a new blog detailing her day to day life on the ship! Check it out here:  
https://themainmasthead.wordpress.com/**


	7. The Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor, Jack, and Jake return for Rose. Rose learns more about her captors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy to be back! A chapter today, just as I promised. From now on, a new chapter will be posted every Wednesday because I like Wednesdays. Also, read to the very end for the surprise!

Rose's first thought when she came to was that her head fucking _hurt_. Her vision was smeared like hastily done watercolor, and she groaned. Did Jack escape? Did he get back? Gradually a woman's face swam into focus. Her silvery eyes were flat and her face was slackened, like she was in a coma with her eyes open. Rose arched her back, every limb tingling like she'd slept on them, her mouth as numb and fuzzy as if she had just gotten several shots of novocaine.

"You return to knowing. Excellent. You have been darkened for many hours now," the woman said, her chilling voice as expressionless as her face. She stood awkwardly, as though not quite sure how to stand for maximum comfort. "You will tell us where the one of fire has left to."

The room was so bright it made her nauseous. "F-fire?" she grunted. "I'unno whadder talking about." Rose slurred. She reached up to rub her eyes but found that she couldn't move her right hand. Or the left, for that matter. She rolled her head to see them lying dead on the table, along with her legs. There were no restraints, but as she turned her gaze upward she encountered a blue beam of light that seemed to stay targeted on one spot on her forehead, shifting with her as she tilted her head. Some sort of paralyzation beam, then. _Fucking_ brilliant. She scowled. "Shut it off."

"No,” the woman said evenly. "The one of fire," she repeated. "Of ashes to flame. Of circles."

"Wha' th'fuck?" Rose frowned, staring at her captor in irritated bemusement.

The woman stared back, unblinking. "He has taken what we miss in our counting, and it shall be restored to us. Where has he left to?"

 _Thank god, he got back._ "Gone," she grunted. "You won' be able to find him. Nah' even I could if I somehow managed t'get out." She tried to send her hand a message- _Brain to hand- MOVE!_ but it may as well have not belonged to her. "Wha' d'you need with a genetic bridge, anyway? Why're you takin' people's bodies?"

The woman shifted slightly, raising a hand to inspect it. "In the days of younger stars we had bodies of our own. We exceeded them. Long we have lived well without them, but we are threatened. This is... curse your sounds of the tongue..." she paused, mouth closing as she thought. "This is shield and tool. Armor. But it is slippery. The substance we have wrought firms us in our place. It bonds us to flesh once more."

Rose narrowed her eyes. "What are you?"

"Our existence of past or present is not of your concern. You have been kept in existence of present in order to tell us of the one of fire. You will answer now." The woman's voice never changed, never rose or fell, but the words carried a threat.

Rose sighed in frustration. "I told you, I don' even know where he is right now, not exactly. You won't be able t'find him an' I can't either, an' it wouldn’t matter anyway. I'm sorry we had to steal it, but it was important. That's really all I can tell you."

"Then your use has been expended," the woman said evenly, walking to a panel. "Your health will be evaluated, and you will be worn."

Rose felt her heart thrum in panic despite herself. "You can't! You don't understand, I'm not your average human! I'm all soaked in- in void stuff! It's dangerous- lemme go!"  

"Void stuff?" That stopped her. She turned. "To what are you referring when you use the sound 'void stuff'?" she asked, walking back towards Rose.

Rose stuttered, playing for time. "I- Anti energy. From th'nothingness between universes. Hell. The white space. I've been through there, hundreds of times. I've walked through hundreds of different universes, different realities, being blasted through the void each time. Background energy- sorry, um, the stuff that makes the nothing, it's stuck to me. Soaked up into my bones. If the void opened up, I'd be sucked in. I don't know what else it does, but trust me, you probably don't want it."

The woman's face was still expressionless, dead-looking and cold, but her eyes stayed fixated on Rose's face. "You refer to the Not," she said after a moment. "This is the Is. That is the Not. You have awakened past the Not."

"Yeah, sure, the Not. Whatever you wanna call it. I almost got sucked in there, before someone saved me last minute. Not to mention I have a different universal signature. An'- I've held the entire time vortex in my head. It almost killed me, it could come back any day now and burn me up an' everything around it for all I know. You don't want me."

"We know of this 'vortex' in your mind. We are of mind and we can sense it. You are the Bad Wolf."

Rose stilled. "How d'you know that name?"

"This does not concern us," the woman continued like she'd not heard. "Your mind is not to be our concern. We shall be mind. You shall be armor. But the Not... that is of great mystery. You will be examined."

Rose glowered at the woman, grateful for at least a little time. "Examined how?" She wondered if they were going to cut her open, see if void stuff really clustered around her insides like she'd said. _Oh yeah, that was a_ brilliant _way to put it, Rose. Bloody fantastic._

"Explanation will not provide use to you. You will observe at the time appointed," the woman said, turning for the door. "The time to that point will pass with your rest."

"N-!" she began to shout in protest, but the beam into her brain had already begun shutting down her consciousness. There wasn't even a fight, it was like turning off a light. Rose had time for a single thought as she realized what they were about to do.

_Fuck me._

 

* * *

 

He'd woken with hope in his chest and the shadow of a dream of Rose, dressed in beautiful red and simply glowing. She'd smelt of time and sweet coffee. The wide smile she'd pressed against his lips was so elated it was hard to believe he'd dreamt it up.

He had been alone. That was the first thing he'd noticed, and it sat in his gut like a weight even now, almost a day later. He didn't know why he was so surprised, but tried to think what exactly it was he must have done to finally have made her leave.  The optimism from the dream had faded, and he could feel the reserves of his strength rattling like pennies inside him as every breath got shallower, his heartbeat becoming more sluggish. He was dwindling, both mentally and physically. Maybe that's why she left. He wouldn't blame her.   
  
He was frightened.

He sensed something was wrong before he saw the cause. A sudden shock sprung up his bones, cold intangible electricity. The foggy timelines he could barely sense wriggled and buzzed behind his eyes in a nauseating way that was all too familiar.

Before he could move to do anything- press the call button, warn someone somehow about the broken chaos moving toward them- the very cause burst through the door, a silver case under one arm and an utterly bemused looking Dr. Grinnald trailing behind him. "Well, you look like shit," Jack grinned good naturedly.

The Doctor blinked blearily at him from behind the capsule's blue film. The other man didn't miss a beat. "Apologies, we haven't officially met. Captain Jack Harkness. Well- used to be a Captain." He took a pair of laser pliers from the paper bag and began to disconnect a cylinder from the strange cask.

"Jack," the Doctor rasped. "I feel like shit- How th'hell are you-” He stopped, overtaken by a coughing fit, the man's nauseating aura burning up the back of his neck.  He went silent for a few moments as he focused solely on breathing properly, then continued. "What are you doing here? You... You shouldn't exist.”

Jack wasn't listening. "You, biggest syringe you have," he pointed at Dr. Grinnald, before going back to removing the top of the cylinder with care. "Give him the whole container."

"What?" the man in the pod squawked.

"But where? It's his whole spine! Even 'lumbar area' is five vertabra long- this in unprecedented as it is-"

"That's all the info I have and I can't exactly call back for verification." Jack turned to the Doctor, whose left eyebrow's dramatic angle was only rivaled by the rapid angles of the increasing heart monitor.

"Doc, I'll need your verbal consent."

The weak plodding of the heart monitor was starting to trip in panic. "Verbal consent to what?" he practically squeaked.

"For us to fucking fix you," Jack said a touch testily. "Look, I promised Rose I'd get this to you as soon as possible-"

The narrow hills in the heart monitor became mountains. "You talked to Rose?"

"Is that a yes?" Jack asked, finding the correct switch on the side of the pod. The blue sterilization film went off with a flicker.

The Doctor could still run diagnostics, feel the malfunctioning of his blood vessels and lungs and the weak lump of his heart. Rose. "Yes."

Without another word, Jack reached into the pod, moving trails of tubes and wires. "Flip over," he commanded, already partially lifting the Doctor so he could turn over more easily.  
The Doctor yelled as his skin revolted at the other man's very touch, but grit his teeth and rolled over weakly. His teeth chattered as his hospital gown was opened and a cold swab was wiped near the base of his spine. The smell of medical alcohol stung his throat.

"Hang on to your-" Jack's eyes flicked down to the Doctor's exposed buttocks. "Nonexistent pants, Doc. This is going to hurt like hell."

He cried out at the sudden explosion of pain at the base of his spine, back arching away slightly. Strong hands pinned him down as the heart monitor nearly screeched- the contents of the syringe seared coldly up his back, the pain so intense he couldn't breathe. He bit his tongue, gripping the sheets, and he groaned choppily as the thick needle was pulled out from between his spinal discs. He clutched the sheets a moment longer, chest heaving.

"Little- more warning next time," he growled through grit teeth. "Now, for the last time, what the hell did you just do?"

Dr. Grinnald taped a wad of cotton firmly to the puncture before helping him flip back over. "That was just a neutral bonding protein to bridge the gap between the conflicting sides of your alleles. You're welcome," Jack replied. "And it better work, because it was hell to get." He slid the empty cylinder back into the paper bag.

He ignored most of what Jack was saying, his chest bucking, still in shock from the what felt vaguely like dry ice injected into his spine. "I suppose we'll have to see about it working. Jack, look, you'd said you'd seen Rose? Is she alright?"

Jack paused and blew out a sigh. He looked at the hovering doctor in the corner. "You can go, now," Jack said, leaving little room for argument. Grinnald scurried out and Jack lowered himself into the chair on the far side of the room. "Rose came to me almost a day ago- in my time, anyway. We managed to get advice from the other Doctor in the other universe. He told us about this, manufactured 200 years in the future, to steal it. He said it was dangerous, but Rose was insistent." He paused, and the Doctor's weak, singular heart sunk further. "I said it was hell to get, Doc. They were closing in. She ran into the mob as a distraction, made me leave without her, to get this stuff to you."

"What?!" He tried to sit up, but fell back, wheezing, grimacing as his body protested. "We have to get her," he rasped finally. "Who are they? Will they hurt her?" He looked over at Jack, trying not to feel betrayed. "Please don't leave her on my account again, Jack," he added quietly. "Not like that."

"You think I wanted to leave her? I don't even know you!" Jack snapped. "There was no other way, either I left so I'd be able to rescue her later, or we both got taken." He sighed, crossing his arms. "They're an alien race that lives in thought form and has taken over human minds as their work force. I don't know if they'd hurt her or not, I didn't exactly have time to stick around and chat to see what their policy of thieves are, but I can guess that they could always use another human body for their task force."

"Dammit," he muttered, arms shaking as he tried to push himself up again. He barely got halfway before his elbows gave out, and he cursed as he fell back. "We have to go. Find me clothes, will you? We've-" He was cut off by another fit of painful coughs that went on so long, Jack started to press the call button until the Doctor held up a shaking hand. He gulped in a few breaths of air, eyes rimmed red. "We've got to go- get her back."

"Easy there, tiger," Jack said dryly. "I want to save Rose as much as you do, but I'd prefer we do it effectively, rather rush into a half baked thing and frankly, you still look like shit. The nice thing about two hundred years- you have plenty of time to recover and become a half-time-lord who's able to shag Rose like she deserves," he winked. "If it works, which it better."

He glanced over at Jack, but sighed, nodding and laying back slowly. "You're right," he admitted grudgingly. He pulled the blanket back over him, shivering a little.

"Look, we can't tell anyone else about this. It was strictly off record. It would've taken weeks to get approval, and I'm not ah, exactly allowed to use the vortex manipulator."

"I know the rules, Jack," he says, trying not to roll his eyes. "I helped write half of them. Start filling me in on the layout of this place."

Jack made himself comfortable in the rickety hospital chair and began to recite every detail he could remember of the research facility. "Can't tell you too much about it," he finished. "We didn't have a lot of time to look around. Heavy security, we set it off in the first two minutes we were in there. I don't know how many bodies they've taken, maybe thousands. But the base seems massive. They must have a perception filter on it to keep it away from prying eyes."

The Doctor nodded slightly. "Alright... Finding Rose in all that will be difficult, but not impossible... We can modify something to lock onto conscious human brain waves, which, if she's conscious, should single her out from the others and enable us to track her down rather quickly.... If she isn't conscious it will be a little more difficult. We'll have to hack the security mainframe. But we may want to do that anyway if security is as tight as you say it is."

Jack hesitated. "What if... what if they've already taken her? Gotten inside her head? Is there any way we can save her after that?" A pause. "Doctor?"

He looked over at Jack, hesitant. "It.. it really depends on the race. You mentioned that the other Doctor requested you not harm the bodies, which seems to suggest that recovery is possible, or it's possible he wasn't sure either. The mind is a delicate thing. A tiny bit of damage can have a lasting effect. It's best if we don't let that happen."

Jack nodded briskly. "What should I tell Pete and Jackie? Rose'll be missing for at least a few weeks until you've hopefully recovered, they need to know _something_." _Like that their daughter may not be coming home._

"You're team lead, Jack... Just tell them she wanted to get out of here, that she volunteered for a mission and she'll be away for a few weeks. It's not a lie." He looks up at the ceiling. "We'll go get her back as soon as I'm able."

Jack nodded. "You rest up, Doc. And don't beat yourself up." And then Jack ducked out of the room.

 

* * *

 

The hospital staff were less than thrilled to find that Jack had injected something without clearance, but he managed to charm his way back in in the way only he could to keep a close watch on the funny little man his best friend had seen the universe in.

The next few days were slow and painful. Whatever the stuff was, it had left a large bruise around the injection, and at first the only effect it had was to make the Doctor’s nausea return, and raise his fever again. He slipped back into a less conscious state, mumbling in a foreign tongue. Jackie visited every day, fretting and worrying and clearly not believing a word of what Jack said about Rose’s ‘volunteer for a highly confidential mission’. The fact that she was completely furious at him for injecting the Doctor with an unknown substance didn’t help.

After the third day of Jack silently panicking, Jackie’s not-quite-silent wrath, and the hospital staff shooting him dirty looks, the stranger’s fever broke.

No one could deny the improvement after that. The next time Jack came in, he was sitting up on his own and not willing to talk about anything but their plan to rescue Rose. Jack let himself be interrogated on every detail of the heist with Rose multiple times.

“They were able to tap into our brains, that’s how we were found out. If you could figure out a way to hide our brain’s... not alienness, that'd be great."

The Doctor screwed up his face in thought. "Here's the thing... I don't know what their psychic print feels like so I can't duplicate it. The best I can do is have you make something to make us unreadable and hope that will buy us some time.”

“Should be good enough.” Jack suddenly turned quickly to his pocket, and the Doctor inhaled quietly at the thin silver device he held out. "Rose gave me this before we got separated. It's yours, isn't it?"

He took the device, turning it over and sighing. "No, not mine, not exactly. Let's say it's hers and leave it at that. But I know how to use it.” He turned the sonic over in his hand absently, the one that belonged to the proper Time Lord. “You’ll need to manufacture some of those silver jumpsuits, best as you can.”

"Yeah, sure. They were pretty simple, probably made from your average alominium; they have human bodies, so I don’t think they’d need anything special." He paused to watch the Doctor handle the device nostalgically, before telling him that Jackie sent her love and Tony was eager to see him. It got him a small smile, small, but bringing life to his eyes and Jack thought that maybe he understood what Rose saw in this weird alien bloke after all.

 

The next day during visiting hours, a four year old boy bounded into the hospital room. "Doctor!" he beamed.

"Careful, Tony, the Doctor's been through a lot, let 'im breathe," Jackie chided behind him.

Tony ran up to the cot, but stayed a good foot away just in case. His eyes widened. "Mummy said you almost died." he said worriedly. He looked remarkably like his sister.

"I'm fine now," he said, smiling broadly at Tony, and then at Jackie. "Thanks for coming," he said gratefully. "It's been horribly dull here." He returns his attention to Tony. "Well, then, how have you been, mate?"

Tony began to ramble endlessly about real live Torchwood people being in his house and getting to sleep with Mummy and Daddy in the big bed even though Daddy grumbled a little about it that he could easily sleep in one of the guest bedrooms until Mummy said she'd make sure he wouldn't ever be able to-

"That's enough of that." Jackie said sternly. The Doctor let out a laugh as Tony rambled on, and even more so as Jackie cut him off.

"I heard that Jack Harkness administered you a foreign substance through the spine! He could've killed ya, what the hell did he do?"

"He acted on good information, and it's working. I'm getting better. It was risky, but... To be honest, if he hadn't... I wasn't doing well, Jackie. I'm grateful."

Jackie nodded, then touched Tony's shoulder. "Why don't you go with Daddy to get the get well soon card? We left it in the car, I think."

Tony brightened and hopped out of the room, singing, "Be right back!"

The softness in Jackie's eyes melted after her son had left. "Now Doctor, answer me, an' answer me honest -cos I don't believe the nonsense Jack is tryin' to tell me an' I'm only gonna ask this once- where's Rose?"

He looked at her for a long moment, his expression dulling slowly. "About two hundred years in the future," he said quietly. "She went with Jack to steal the substance he injected me with, and she stayed behind to ensure his escape. I swear we'll get her back, Jackie... I'm so sorry."

Jackie slowly covered her mouth. "I thought it might be something like that," she whispered. "That's Rose all over. But- she's still alive. Isn't she? They've not-" She couldn't even think about it.

"I don't know," he murmured, looking away. "Last we knew, yes. I told you I'd protect her and I didn't, Jackie. I'm so sorry. But we _will_ get her back."

She shuddered and nodded. "Of course she'd stay behind. She'd been bloody willing to get herself killed for you, and now she's done it again." Jackie blinked furiously, like she was deciding whether to take the the mickey out of him or not. She seemed to concede that screaming at bedridden person wasn't the most decent thing to do. "Rose... you shoulda seen her when we didn't think you were gonna make it... She wasn't my Rose anymore. It broke 'er heart, the thought of- of _losin_ ' you so soon after she got you back." She swiped at her eyes and fixed the Doctor with a stern stare. "When you do find her again, I expect ya to bring back _all_ of her. Fix 'er."

"I'll do my best, Jackie," he promised, sighing. "But I can't do much if she doesn't want to be fixed, or if she doesn't want me fixing her. She's got to work with me."

Jackie nodded again, cleaning away any evidence of tears as Tony ran back in brandishing his home-made card proudly. It had the entire family holding hands across what looked like Mars. 'Get well soon' was scrawled messily inside. "Rosie's comin' back soon, isn't she?" Tony asked quietly, his bottom lip caught between his teeth in a way that was so Rose it made the Doctor's chest ache.

But he took the card with a broad smile and set it on his bedside table. "Thank you, Tony! And she'll be home before you can recite the Bloovian alphabet- granted, it is the longest written alphabet in eleven galaxies, but it's not too-"

Tony suddenly curled his arms around the Doctor's neck, avoiding the wires carefully. He smelled like cheese toasties and Paddie's Children Shampoo. "Will she be happy again?"

The Doctor hugged him back, tight. "I hope so. Rose is clever, and strong. I think she'll be alright," he smiled.

"We should be leaving soon, sweetheart." Jackie said abruptly.

"But Muuum, I just got here-"

"An' visiting hours are almost over. The Doctor needs his rest. Th'sooner he gets better, sooner Rose will come home."

He smiled until the two left, then sighed quietly. He'd seen it in Jackie's face. The confusion and slight panic. One by one he was losing his friends. He lay back, returning to watching the ceiling.

 

* * *

 

He didn't have to wait for more company long. (Fourteen hours, sixteen minutes, to be exact.)

The man who walked in had shaved down the juvenile gelled spikes and lost most of the round boyishness in his face, and the Doctor honestly couldn't place him at first.

"Weird," he snorted. "Jack wasn't kiddin'. Never thought I'd see _you_ in the flesh again."

The Doctor squinted, then sat up very slowly, wanting to be in more command than he was. "Jake... Pretty boy Jake. What're you doing here?"

Jake Simmonds didn't bat an eye. He set the large and bright yellow gift bag on the Doctor's knees. "Brought you what you asked for. For the perception filters. Don't mind the paper, Tosh always goes a bit overboard on these things."

He started opening the package as quickly as he could, trying not to tug on the IV in his hand too much, his fingers trembling just a bit, though he got the package open without too much trouble, starting to look through the equipment. "Good, good... No, alright, these are brilliant, but they aren't going to be strong enough. I'm either going to need thicker wire, or a wire stripper and a lot of tape." He looked up. "Why you, though? Where's Jack?”

"Thanks a lot," Jake said, not sounding especially bothered. "Jack actually has an organization to run, he's head of Torchwood One without Rose, an' he has to keep everything together. The world doesn't stop movin' for you, you know." He crossed his arms.

"I know it doesn't- well. No. It has once or twice, actually. Once... I got it to go backwards for a whole four hours, and then stop. But I get... your point, I suppose..." He paused to catch his breath. "Jack's just a bit crucial to... the whole plan."

Jake rolled his eyes. "He'll be available soon as you're released. Besides, I'm comin' with you," he said, matter-of-fact.

He snorted, wincing as that irritated his throat, but persevered. "Like hell you are," he grunted. "Not a chance. Jack and I."

"Like hell I am," Jake corrected. "What if Rose is hurt, or unconscious, an' you need to carry her out? You need at least backup, s'well as someone else t'carry her. And if you don't mind me sayin', boss, you won't be strong enough t'be good for neither." He paused. "These past six years, it's always been us four. She's one of my best friends, and if anyone has a say in this, it's me."

He took a slow breath, reaching up to rub at his eyes. "I don't like it, Jake," he said with a sigh. "The more people we bring in there, the more dangerous this becomes."

"Fuckin' tough. It also gives us a better chance of getting her out." He gestured loosely at the gift bag. "There's enough in there for a third filter, so you'd better get workin' on it."

He glared at Jake for a long time, but his physical weakness left him little choice but to agree with his points. It was the height of annoyances. Weak, idiotic human body... "Fine."

Finally looking satisfied, Jake uncrossed his arms and made to leave. At the door, he seemed to fight with himself, before finally turning. "Doctor."

He glanced up. "Reconsidered? Excellent. I've had an idea about an exoskeleton, but honestly I think by that point my body will have recovered substantially, at least there's even a _smidgen_ of time lord left in me. You lot really do have pathetic healing rates."

"No, I'm still going. Shut up for once." He sighed heavily through his nose. "I just wanted t'ask. Did Mickey, did he say anythin'? About why he decided to..." He broke off and shrugged.

"Ah..." the Doctor said, leaning back in the bed and considering him. "I think he didn't feel he was needed here anymore."

Jake studied the tile. "He didn't say anything to me. To anybody."

He sighed. "Sit, Jake," he said, nodding to the chair.

"I'd rather not, actually," the man snorted, meeting his eye with a smirk that wasn't completely genuine.

"Fine, stand there like a love-struck fool, see if I care," he muttered under his breath. He looked over at Jake. "I'm sorry. I wish I had answers. Speaking as someone with experience... being on the wrong side of the dimension... is a hard... place to be..."

"S'not hard," he glowered. "Just- you'd have thought he'd tell his best friends that he never planned on never seeing them again. That's all."

"I don't think he planned on anything, Jake. Think it... was just spur of the... moment." He crumpled up a clean tissue and lobbed it Jake's way in an attempt to be annoyed, though the weak throw fell far short. Jake watched its pathetic arc. "And of course it's hard. He was your friend. More than. Don't be a... moron."

"You don't know anything. You've not been around." He pointed at the bag. "Keep tha' out of sight. May be a Torchwood hospital, but this is strictly off book."

He snorted. "Don't have to have... been around... I know that look. Wore it for... years." His chest ached from the talking and it was becoming more difficult to plow through a sentence. He picked the bag up, put all the bits and bobs back inside, and slid it into the space between the end table and the bed.

"Rest up. I'll be seeing you." Jake gave a tight, polite smile before finally heading for the door.

"Thank you, Jake..." he said quietly, resting back and breathing slowly, shallowly so as not to aggravate his lungs further.

Giving one last look over his shoulder, Jake sped-walk down the corridor, shoving his shaking hands in his pockets and swallowing past the pain lodged hard in his throat.

 

* * *

 

Two weeks passed sluggishly, and the Doctor made a rapid recovery that stunned the nurses. His mutating lungs settled and firmed and his circulatory system didn't seem confused by itself anymore. Within a few days of Jack's first visit, he was well enough to begin walking again. Shortly thereafter, his Time Sense was back to its normal state, and despite his new human DNA, he could still see and the Time Lines fairly clearly, much to his relief.

He found a surprising ally in Jackie Tyler. She bought him several new clothes to help him feel more like himself, and he was surprised that he didn't hate them. She brought over his old red converse, reassured him that the TARDIS coral was safe, and snuck in shepard's pie and spaghetti bolognese, insisting the hospital food was practically poison and he was too skinny already. She visited frequently, sometimes with Tony, sometimes without, and she always fussed over him, and he was surprised to find he didn't hate that, either.

The night Dr. Grinnald cleared him, he called Jack.

Jack snuck him out of the hospital with the help of a few of his "contacts", then drove them back to Jake's flat in North Greenwich before anyone else was contacted. Jake was waiting in his cluttered foyer with the bag of jumpsuits.

"You have no idea how much I missed normal clothing," the Doctor sighed as he buttoned his shirt, a purchase from Jackie.

"I dunno, I liked the open back." Jack almost pouted. "So d'you think you can manage running for your life soon? How have your nurses been exercising you?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Very well," he shot back easily, winking at Jack as he straightened his tie. "I'm ready now. I don't want to wait any longer. This is taking its toll on all of us, Jackie and Pete especially."

Jake raised his eyebrows. "You make the mental cloakers?"

"No, Jake, I've been sitting on my arse looking at the stain on the ceiling. Yes, I made the 'mental cloakers'," the Doctor sniffed, and tossed Jake a scrappy looking necklace from the yellow gift bag he'd brought along, then threw a second to Jack.

Both men looked incredulous, but put the things on.

The Doctor put on his own cloaking device and put another carefully in his pocket for Rose, once they got her. "I want to get her back."

"Yeah, I know," Jack said quietly, pulling the largest jumpsuit on. "I have the coordinates to the last time we traveled to the facility, but we'll have to wait until we're sure that I've left and she's been captured. Manipulator's crystal won't take another setting." He looked sternly at both men "I know you'll both want to help, but you know the rules. No paradoxes allowed."

"I know, I know," Jake sighed, pulling on one of the other jumpsuits as the Doctor did the same.

"Let's just go as quickly as we can," the Doctor added. "That's all."

"Right." Jack grunted, twisting the vortex manipulator. "Hang on tight." Jake grabbed tightly to Jack's shoulders, and after a moment of hesitation, the Doctor grit his teeth and did the same.

Jack pressed the button and they folded away in a shock of electricity.

The Doctor's still settling body twisted in itself, the timelines ran through the shoddy crystal and spiked behind his eyes. He tensed every fiber of his existence and focused on the time within him. They had to get there. They had to get Rose.

 

They landed in a cold black room. Jake gasped, stumbling away. The Doctor dropped to his knees, heaving.

"Woah, easy," came Jack's voice. He clapped the Doctor's shoulder. "You alright?"

"I'm fine," he rasped sharply.

"Jake?"

"Yeah, in one piece. Barely. Where are we?"

"Hang on-" Rustling as Jack fished in his jumpsuit pocket, and then a circle of light shone on the wall. Shapes of boxes and empty canisters were clustered around them. "Damn, storage closet. I had to shift the coordinates a little so we didn't land right on top of Rose and me." Jack turned the light to the other wall. "I think Rose and I hide here later on."

"You could have put us right in a wall, Harkness," the Doctor growled, stand shakily but managing to roll his eyes.

"The other Doctor sent the blueprints of the place. I made sure we weren't going through a wall. You can get your panties untwisted." He tossed an empty bucket off his head and wrinkled his nose. "Somehow, when I picture myself in a dark closet with someone else, this wasn't what I imagined I'd be doing."

"Oh, so you're the comic relief in th'group now?" Jake hissed.

"I'm dead serious. Jake, we have time for a quickie."

"Right, I'll pass."

"Will you shut up for ten seconds?" the Doctor snapped. He rubbed at the nauseating headache that was still behind his eyes. "Right... Jack. You're going to have to tell me where you are, timing wise. We'll go on your count."

"We should wait until we hear the alarm, which should be in about, erm, five, six minutes. Then we run like hell."

"Brilliant," he grunted, leaning against the wall. He looked over at Jack after a moment. "What if she... what if we're too late?"

Jack took his blaster out of his jumpsuit pocket. "We won't be. They won't kill her. At least, I don't think they will. Like I said, they need healthy bodies, especially after Rose injured a few dozen of them."

Jake didn't look encouraged, but pulled out his own weapon with a steely expression. "Th'parasitic bastards won't know what hit 'em."

The Doctor nodded a little, adjusting his necklace and jumpsuit, and pulled out the sonic screwdriver right as an alarm went off. "You weren't kidding about the six minutes thing," he said with a laugh, waiting on Jack's lead.

"Yeah, the damn shiny door was hiding from us," Jack grunted, pushed himself into standing position, and waited until the stampede clomping of the workers ran past the door. He pocketed his gun and Jake did the same. "Now!" he said, pushing out of the closet and into the blinding white light of the hallway. "In here, in here! Look blank. Think Botox gone wrong."

They nodded, following Jack quickly, then slowing to a casual, if slightly awkward, walk, expressions blank as they made their way down the halls. Jake kept his hand near his pocket, ready to pull his blaster at a moment's notice. The Doctor covered the sonic with his palm. "I'm working on finding her," he said out of the corner of his mouth as Jack led them into a stairwell and they started downwards, eyes on the barely concealed blue light. "You keep us from bumping into yourself."

Jack rushed to a clipped awkward walk, looking like they were off to look at the security breach. "We didn't come down this hallway," he muttered between his teeth. Familiar voices murmured from the inside of the metal walls, and Jack realized they were on the other side of the room where they had stolen the solution. He cursed. "Quick quick!" he hissed at the others. "They'll be swarming this room any minute!"

"Get us to wherever they took Rose, and we'll hide," the Doctor growled, increasing his pace, starting to feel the slight drag of not having been up and about for weeks, but pushing past it, adrenaline carrying him easily. "We'll follow her from there."

They all jumped as they heard the lift crash. Jack bolted towards the noise, the others following. Through the mob, they could just see Rose run straight into the enormous crowd of silver suits, firing every now and then before hands seized her. The Doctor tensed.

"Right here. Where they take her from you," he murmured quietly, swallowing and setting his sonic, locking in on Rose's signal. "I've got her, we'll be able to follow this," he said, locking down his emotions, going into battle mode.

"Go, Jack! J's go! You c’n come back fr' m-" screamed Rose through the muffled hands before they plunged a needle into her neck. Her eyelids flickered and they could hear the past Jack cry out before he dashed down the hall.

The Doctor made to step forward. "We should wait until the room's cleared," Jake mumbled as they dragged a limp Rose roughly into a separate room.

He stopped, nodded, eyes following Rose until she was out of sight. He watched impatiently as the room's occupants began to drift back to their assignments.

"They'll want to interrogate her."

Jake felt for his blaster again. "What will they interrogate her about? Will they torture her?"

"Not physically," the Doctor murmured darkly. "Mental beings, remember? Let's just hope they don't get to that. They'll want to know where her accomplice went."

Jack nodded curtly. Mental torture could often be much worse than physical, and he'd been fortunate enough to experience both. "How do we get her?"

He pressed his lips together tightly, thinking. "We're going to have to watch where they're keeping her enough to learn how to get in and see if there's a guard... My guess is that it'll be a psychic lock. If that's the case, I'll need to listen telepathically as they open it... probably two or three times, get the combination."  
"What the hell does that mean?" Jake asked, watching carefully as workers took those injured in the lift to safety, filing out of the room like wind-up-toys.  
"It doesn't matter right now," Jack interrupted as the Doctor opened his mouth to explain, and beckoned them into another storage closet.

"Limited time, remember? If you know what you need to do, Doc, then we'll just get you there and keep you covered."  
  


He nodded. "Just don't talk. At all. I need to concentrate."

The Doctor proceeded to stand silent, almost unnervingly so, for over an hour. Once or twice Jack checked that he was breathing. Eventually, a last set of footsteps walked from the direction of the room, and he shifted and spoke, making the other two occupants of the closet jump. "I have the combination," he said, sounding tired. "We should move."

Jake nodded, reaching up and turning the handle slowly, opening the door a crack and peering out, making sure, before standing, letting out a quiet groan as he stretched his cramped legs.

The Doctor strode out ahead of them. He placed his forehead against the door, reaching out to mentally connect to the lock and thinking through the combination. There was a moment of tense uncertainty, but then the door clicked open. He breathed a sigh of relief.

They crept along behind the Doctor, blasters in hand. The door slid apart quietly, and they slipped inside. The room was dark. "I can't see a bloody thing," Jake hissed. "Is there anyone in here with us?" he breathed in the Doctor's ear.

He could hear breathing. "Rose, presumably," he whispered back. He thought he could smell her, but that may have been wishful thinking. "Hang on... light switch poking my spine," he muttered. "Be ready. 3...2...1..." He flipped the light on, looking around the room carefully, but it was small, and bare, except for a table against the far wall, and on that table... "Rose."

She was very still and very white. A single ray of electric blue light beamed between her closed eyes. She looked like a statue of some martyr in a church, almost peaceful, but the stillness was unnerving.

"What've they done to her?" Jake asked in a horrified but furious whisper.

"They've shut down the brain," the Doctor said, almost to himself. "Need to figure out how to disable it without shutting her brain off permanently."

"Then how do we turn it off? Any ideas?" Jack prodded.

He didn't respond, walking slowly forward, eyes on her face, gut twisting. He took Rose's hand in his, holding it tightly for a moment before he took a breath. "Let's... take a look at the systems," he murmured, turning away and moving to look at the device.

Jake looked at Rose's face, stomach turning over. "Could you remove it with that passcode you had?"

"Maybe... but I doubt they'd use the same code, and if I get it wrong, we'll trigger the security system..." He leaned back, shoving his hands into his pockets. "We can either cut the power. Or I can try contacting her mind and fight it off from in there," he muttered, sonicking the machine.

"How can you be sure that they haven't just put one of their own in there, and it's immersing in there right now?" Jack paused, looking at the door. "Can't you connect with her- telepathically? Isn't that a thing you do? See if she's still in there, guide her through."

He inhaled through his nose, nodded. "If I start to struggle, break my physical contact with her," he muttered, leaning over and pressing his fingers to Rose's temples. A moment later, he sank into her mind, finding himself surrounded by cool darkness. _Rose?_

Something shifted. Her name, called gently, nudged her out of nothingness a little. Even in only thought, she'd know him anywhere. _Doctor?_ came the soft reply.

 _Rose! Rose, keep talking, let me find you_ , he said, wading through the blackness.

 _Ta-talking? Doctor where are you? Where am I? She felt a rush of panic as she came further into awareness._ There was nothing, she was nowhere, and for a moment she wondered if she was in her reoccurring  nightmare of the void. _I don't know where I- I can't think, I can't-_

 _You ARE thinking,_ he said firmly. _We're in your mind. It's alright. You're safe right now._

If it was her own head, why was there nothing? _Why can't I see you?_ Rose whispered. _Where was I before you came? I- I felt like nothing. Nowhere._ The void. _How can I find you if I'm nothing?_

_I need you to concentrate. You can hear me, right?_

Not quite, but she could feel it, the same way she could feel her own internal thoughts.

The Doctor's words floated through her again. You _know my voice. Imagine it. You can hear it._

She could. High and fast and full of diphthongs.

_Which means that somewhere you have ears. And those ears have to be attached to a head, and a neck, and the mouth that you're speaking with. From there the rest of your body. Think about your body. You need to manifest yourself in here._

Rose concentrated. Dyed hair, starting to go brown at the roots. Turned up nose, too-wide mouth with too-big teeth. Sharp knuckles, thin hands. Feet and legs that ached to run. Weight filled in beneath her. _I can feel. I think. I feel the ground beneath my feet._

He whipped around, and there she was. _I've got you. Work on seeing. Do you remember what I look like? Imagine me about two meters in front of you. That should bring your sight into focus._

Long legs. Narrow waist and skinny thighs and an arse she had always fantasized about pinching. A crazy haired bobble-head on a thin neck, pretty mouth and hands and excitable eyes that had rheumy darkness lurking behind the childlike innocence. Feet tucked in converse that never stopped running. My Doctor. And something faded into view, it felt like she had eyes again. _I- I think I see you!_

 _Good. Brilliant. I'm walking towards you,_ he said, moving in her direction. _Hello, Rose Tyler. It's good to see you again._

Rose reached out a phantom arm to touch him. She imagined his face, warm and soft. _How are you here? How did you find me?_

 _I entered your mind. Standard Time Lord ability that seems to have carried over to this me. Though it's more difficult, admittedly._ He looked around at the darkness. _We need to get you out of here._

If she had been real, she would have jerked away. Not the Doctor. The Metacrisis. _You were dying. How are you here? She groaned. Fuck, we've both died, haven't we?_

 _No, not dead. Jack got to me. I've been recovering for weeks. We came back for you. It's a few hours after you were taken._ She felt his hand tighten on hers. _Thank you for what you did for me. We'll have time for more explanations later, but right now time is limited. I need you to try and wake up._

Her imagined body felt it's blood go cold. _These aliens- they're trying to build new bodies, they're interested in the void stuff, it's why they didn't just take my body for workforce. I think they did something. They did something to-_

He sighed a little. _Rose, I mean it. Explanations later. Maintaining mental contact like this is exhausting on a good day.. I need you to focus on following my lead back to consciousness._

_Sorry, sorry. What do you need me to do? How do I wake up?_

_I'm going to withdraw from your mind. Your brain will probably make sense of it by making it seem like I'm exiting through a door of some sort. The appearance is going to depend on your mind, don't worry about it. Just stay close and get through with me. I'll keep it open as long as I can._

She was afraid. _Right, right behind you._

He nodded. _I'll be right there when you wake up,_ he promised. _Jack and Jake, too._ With that he started walking, envisioning his exit.

Rose focused. _I see a door._ And there it was, the door she wanted to go through more than anything. Then he was gone, through the TARDIS door. It was hard to keep a grip on finding a way out, she felt herself fading again, but the panic kept her reaching towards consciousness. _I'm trying, I'm gonna make it-_

**Don't be so sure, poppet.**

Rose turned around. _Who's there?_ she demanded. She hoped she came off as less afraid than she was.

 **Funny question. We spoke earlier, remember?** The voice was wholly toneless, like her own internal monologue. **Have you been thinking about what I said? Offer's still open.**

 _You- texted me,_ Rose realized. _How the fuck did you get in here? You can't be real!_

**You _thought_ I texted you. Trick of the mind. Just a way to get your attention while you were awake. I can talk to you more directly when you're not! Isn't this nice?**

_Leave me alone! I'm getting out!_ Rose stumbled out the door, into reality, into the light, but not before hearing the dark voice behind her-

**Oh, by all means. I can't do much if you're still in here.**

 

* * *

 

The Doctor's eyes snapped open, and he pushed himself upwards, his head pounding. For a moment he thought he was going to black out, but it passed, and he looked over at Jack and Jake, nodding to the machine. "She's out. I saw her come through. Cut the power and she should be able to move."

Jack nodded, cutting the power on the machine. The beam weakened and Rose spasmed on the table. She moaned, eyes still shut. Her knees bent, fingers moved.

"Rose can you hear me?" Jake called.

"Mmmffffnnn."

The Doctor let out a sigh of relief. He'd been 99 percent sure on this plan. Well... 93%. 87% at the least. But obviously it had worked, as she was waking up. He moved to start massaging her legs, working to try and get her ready to be walking as quickly as possible.

"Wha' th'fuck are you doin t'my leyyys?" Rose slurred, her voice syrupy slow as the alarm sounded. Jack cursed under his breath.

"We don't have time for that, Doctor!" Jake growled and picked up Rose's limp form.

"C'mon!" Jack yelled, running for the exit. The door slammed shut, deadlocked against all their thoughts, despite the cloaking pendants. "Dammit! There's gotta be another way!"

The Doctor cursed in Gallifreyan, looking around and spotting a ventilation grate in the corner near the floor. "Like action movies, Jack?" he asked, running over and sonicking the screws free, pulling the grate away with an almighty heave. "I'll go in first, then pass her to me and I'll pull her. We can work back to the closet, s'close by. Start working on getting those coordinates set," he growled, crawling backwards into the tunnel and reaching for Rose.

Rose gave a miffed grunt as Jake lifted her up and shoved her towards the man at the end of the tunnel. "Sorry, love," he said as she slid down the freezing metal. Jack was starting to set coordinates and climbed into the shaft himself.

The Doctor caught Rose carefully, hooking his hands under her arms as he started to back his way down the passage. His arms shook with the exertion, but he ignored it. "Any time now, Jack," he called hopefully as he moved around a corner.

"I'm doing my best!" he snapped from behind Jake. Rose's shoulders and armpits burned as she was dragged and pushed along, and if she had been able, she'd have given Jake a word or two about keeping his hands off certain places.

"I got it!" Jack cried triumphantly. "I think."

"Anywhere's better than here," the Doctor called.

"Closet should be right below and to the left," Jake called up.

They crawled along until they smelled smoking rubble and still dispersing energy particles from the vent below. With the help of the sonic, the Doctor removed the vent and carefully grabbed Rose as Jake passed her to him. The other two jumped down and joined them in what was left of the destroyed closer.

The Doctor pulled Rose up to sit against him, gripping her tightly and reaching to grab Jack's wrist as he approached. Jake did the same, Rose tried her best to clutch onto him.

Jack turned the vortex manipulator- in the brief second before they were twisted away, Rose let out a chilling scream. Everything tore in bright, hot strips of agony, split crudely down the middle. _Make it stop, something's wrong! My body. Where's my body?_ she wanted to scream.

Then she was alone, floating in a white, quiet place. The Doctor, Jake and Jack all gone and far, far away.

And somehow, so was she.

 ****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting! I'm happy to bring you this- I'm not at all satisfied with it but I hope you enjoy. It covers the entire fic so far, and it also hints at the next one. Enjoy!  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ev8IwJ7x2I&feature=youtu.be  
> -Alexandra  
> (p.s. A new chapter will be posted every Wednesday from now on, as I like Wednesdays.)


	8. In Memoriam

Jack plunged onto the floor of Jake's living room gasping, one arm still wrapped around Rose and the Doctor holding onto his wrist for dear life. Jake let go with a nauseous sounding wheeze.   
  
"Woah, almost didn't make it, that was rough." Jack coughed as the Doctor fell back with Rose, exhausted. "Everyone okay? No missing limbs, right?"  
  
"I fuckin' hate that thing," Jake muttered.  
  
Jack took that to mean he was in one piece. "Doctor? Rose?"   
  
Rose didn't respond, lying motionless on the floor despite her face being pressed into the wood.  
  
Jake grabbed her. "Rose?" He rolled her over onto her back. Her eyes were open, but she was incredibly still.   
  
The Doctor blanched. "Rose?!" He pressed his fingers to her neck, taking her pulse. It was slow, but strong. He looked her over frantically, trying to find a reason for her unconsciousness, pulling out his sonic and switching through settings, looking for internal damage.   
  
"What's wrong with her?" Jake demanded, looking over at Jack.  
  
The Doctor's hands were shaking. No detected brainwaves, no activity whatsoever. "No... No, I would have noticed that, I would have..." he muttered to himself. He pressed his hands to her temples. Nothing.  
  
"Noticed  _what_?" Jack demanded. " _Doctor_?"  
  
The Doctor shook Rose a little. "Come on, Rose..." his voice broke. He closed his eyes, furious at himself. "She tried to tell me. Stupid,  _stupid mistake_ ," he growled, his hands tightening in her jumper.  
  
" _What. Mistake_?" Jake snarled. He bent down, shaking Rose as well. Her eyelids slipped shut from the movement. "Rose, Rose love, it's me, it's Jake." He too, felt for her pulse.  
  
"She's not in there," the Doctor said quietly.   
  
"Whatd'ya mean?" snapped Jake. "She's breathin', her heart's beating."  
  
The Doctor was nearly as still as Rose. "Neurological isolation," he said, and he felt like he wasn't even there. "The human brain runs on electrical impulses. They created an artificial way to isolate all of her neural activity by harnessing the electricity to stay in the facility." He took a shaky breath. "We took her body, but her- her mind was forced to stay there." He closed his eyes.  
  
"Ripped outta her," Jack realized with dawning horror.  
  
Rose's face didn't look serene like it had when she had been unconscious. She just looked dead. "I should have noticed. She tried to tell me," the Doctor rubbed his eyes.  
  
"How long can she last without a consciousness?" Jake asked.  
  
"Not long," he said quietly. "We need to go back, now." He forced himself to look away from Rose.   
  
"Do you think we could bargain? There's still plenty of protein left. Maybe... We could arrange a sort of trade-off with 'em?" Jake asked.  
  
"The other Doctor said we definitely shouldn't. But... It looks like we won't have any other options," Jack conceded grimly.  
  
"We need to leave her here," the Doctor said, even as his stomach twisted in disagreement. "We can't go dragging her around, risk harming her body." It would be hard enough putting her back as it was. "But if we don't bring her body, her consciousness is going to have to hitchhike back with one of us."  
  
"Well, one of has to stay. We can't just leave her, assume her body is just gonna stay alive for us on its own," Jack pointed out. There was a short silence.  
  
"I'll do it," Jake finally spoke up. "Jack's got a higher psychic score than me, an' he's been trainin' at it for longer. And you need to figure out the transfer or whatever."  
  
The Doctor watched him warily, then nodded. "Don't move her."  
  
Jack had already begun resetting the coordinates. "One trip was risky, but three? This thing is on its last legs. It has to be our last trip, Doc."  
He nodded. "Give it here," he held out his hand.  
  
Both men looked at him suspiciously. "Okay. Why?" Jake asked slowly.  
  
The Doctor sighed impatiently. "There's multiple pairs of us there, and if we go bollocksing in, there'll be three of Captain Time Anomaly, here," he sniffed, jerking his head at Jack. His voice was rising from impatient to full blown arrogance. "And at such a delicate point in time, not only would it be  _very_  unlikely not to run into ourselves and bring a whole crop of bloody  _reapers_  down on us, but that load of junk-" he pointed to the vortex manipulator- "will likely fold us into itty bitty little splashes of timeline all over the space-time continuum because it can't handle it-" He sighed again, twitching his fingers. "Just give it here. I need to try and fix the bloody thing so it puts us ahead right after we leave."  
  
Jack hesitated, then ripped off the velcro. The Doctor snatched it and bounded over to a well-lit corner, taking his sonic out of his pocket and twirling it between his fingers.   
  
"I don't like it," Jake frowned.  
  
"That's your problem, Jakey boy," the Doctor sniffed, sitting down on the floor and twisting his sonic.   
  
"I mean messin' with that. It's dodgy already, and you might break it. Then there'll be no way t'get her back. Couldn't you just be patient enough to wait a few hours outside before chagrin' in?"  
  
The Doctor rolled his eyes. "And be caught and taken into custody before they'd even been robbed? They'd shoot us dead. I don't think so." He went back to fiddling with the manipulator. "'Sides, already said this thing won't hold up on a paradox-happy place like that. Our top priority is to get her out safely," he said. "I promised Jackie she'd come home. She will, whatever it takes."  
  
"She better," said Jake. His young face was steely from where he was holding Rose's hand.  
  
"She  _will_ ," the Doctor nearly snarled. Anything else was not an option. He opened the metal panel to the circuitry.  
  
_We're coming, Rose._

* * *

_Nothing and nothing and the void. In tatters, barely a consciousness, why did they steal me away from my body why am I here I don't belong- I can't think. Why can't I remember who I am- I- I am the wolf. And the man who's more than a man, I need to get back to him, need to get back-_  She felt the drifting atmosphere shift around a new presence. She snapped at the intruder.  _Who's there? What's there? Where's my body?_  she hissed frantically.  _I... why can't I think? It's so... difficult…_

_  
You will learn with time,_  a voice said. But it was less a voice and more of an impression. A series of feelings and images that conveyed much more clearly than words ever could.  _Your body is with your associates. They tried to take you away. We separated your mind in order to keep you. Bodies we can always find, but we must understand the way you are affected by the-_  Here, instead of a word or picture, there was a feeling of horrifying, empty nothingness. The empty feeling left in the heart when someone close has died. The absence of a star that has been lost. A home destroyed.  _We must understand its affect on you, that we may prepare.  
  
But I don't have anything. I can't do anything for you. I- I'm Rose Marion Tyler. I traveled through the void. The radiation you want is on my body- why are you keeping me? Let me go._  
  
There was the mental equivalent of a smirk.  _You are of body, and so your understanding is sorely limited. But we are capable of far more with your mind then we are with your body. The memories you have access to are limited, but your mind maintains a record of every effect on your body, every repair of every effect, whether you were conscious of them or not. It will not take us long to break into your mind. We have already begun. From there we will know everything we could ever wish to learn about you._  
  
Rose weakly attempted to lash out.  _Don't you dare,_  she growled.  _I won't let you. Get out of my head! Out!_  She imagined a door, blue, pull to open. She couldn't quite see, but she could feel the cold slippery curling of my them. Curling in the door. They were creeping through!  
  
Rose tensed every thought she had, gathering-  _shutshutshut_ \- and it finally swung closed. The lock turned weakly.   
  
_A door?_  There was laughter.  _We are beings of an age that is beyond the comprehension of your minuscule existence, with power that has been learned all those eons, and you think you can keep us out with a **door**_?  
  
She was exhausted, in tatters, mental energy spent on just barely locking them out. It wouldn't last long, she knew it wouldn't. But that certainly wasn't going to stop her from trying her damnedest to make it difficult for them.   
  
_I held the vortex in my head. I saw everything. I may be ripped to shreds right now and not remember much of anything, but if any human can keep you out, it'll be me,_  she snapped with energy and confidence she didn't feel.   
  
_You're only making this worse for yourself,_  hummed the intruder.  _Communicating in your raw state will expend the last of your energy._    
  
And she could feel herself, everything that made her Rose Tyler, slowly beginning to unravel like the snagged edge of a rug.  
  
_You cannot hold much longer. You are weakening and we can feel it. Soon you will be nothing but information, waiting to be read. Prepare to die, Rose Marion Tyler._  
  
She wanted to say something back, tell them she'd never stop fighting, but it was almost as if words fluttered away like loose string.   
  
_They have left you and they are incapable of saving you._  
  
She couldn't quite pinpoint who 'they' were. She must have cared about them. The empty shells of the memories of them were warm, full of love. Painful. But that was good. Pain was real. She had to hold onto them, grasp onto the man who could change and be the same. Rose- that was her name, wasn't it?- grabbed hold of the man whose name she couldn't remember and held tight. Anything to slow her lethargic spiral into the dark.

* * *

They were zapped inside the white hallway again, lurching over the smooth floor tiles. "This is where we lost her," Jack said, pointing to the ventilation shaft above. "Right there. Although I suppose she's not there anymore. Who do we talk to?"  
  
"Hive mind," he said quietly, starting to walk. "Any of them. They'll bring us where we need to be."   
  
Before he'd even finished speaking, six of the beings marched awkwardly out of the nearest door, each with a large blaster. The Doctor's lip curled. "We are here to negotiate. The protein for the mind you have hostage. You will bring us to the appropriate vessel."   
  
Their faces did not change, but he knew that they were considering, and conferring with the others. "Follow me," one finally said in a flat voice, turning to go.  
  
Jack leaned in. "Well, that was disturbingly easy. Little too easy." he muttered under his breath, keeping a watchful eye on the group of aliens, conscious of the blaster in his pocket.  
  
"They want it back," the Doctor said quietly, though he agreed. "It's not going to be easy at all. Most likely we're walking into a trap. Keep a good grip on that protein."  
  
Jack tightened his grip on the heavy titanium cask. They were led into another bright white room, and instantly Jack was assaulted with a million voices, thoughts, blurred together beyond recognition.   
The Doctor grimaced at the sudden mental assault, stumbling slightly and throwing out a hand to catch himself. He immediately raised more walls around his mind as the hive mind surged against him in waves, though that did little to block the cacophony out. "Call them off," he growled to their guide. He was ignored, and returned his focus to keeping his mind to himself.  
  
Shaking his head, Jack focused and gripped the smooth metal case, taking a sharp breath through his nose as the voices became more unified and more pointed, pushing into his mind.   
  
Jack almost dropped the protein as the razor-sharp mental attack seemed to get bored of his defenses and cut through them like they were a particularly dense fog. He immediately withdrew from the outer recesses of his mind, trying to build barriers around the most important secrets, the most sensitive information-  
  
Suddenly another presence slipped through the gap and their was a blinding flash of gold against the inside of his eyelids. When it faded, his mind was his own, barriers restored and wrapped in another, stronger layer not of his own making.  
  
The hive mind paused, considering the development, and the Doctor sneered, face pale but eyes alight. "I am not like the beings of this world. I am a Time Lord. I have stared into the Untempered Schism. I have breathed the dust that would one day form your civilization, I have walked the ground to which it will one day crumble." He stepped forward, his dark eyes crueler and more terrifying than Jack had ever seen them, and he couldn't help but think of Rose. "You have taken something precious to me. I'm playing nice and letting you accept a bargain for it. Do not test my patience."  
  
The hive mind considered the information, and retreated just slightly, though their presence still buzzed against the barriers, as if waiting for a weakness. A woman with dark eyes turned to them, indicating a small metal table. "Place the case on the table for our seeing."  
  
The Doctor shook his head. "No. Give us Rose Tyler."  
  
They moved towards Jack. "Ah-ah! No touchy!" he snapped, turning away and gripping the protein closer to his chest, hand to the vortex manipulator. "One wrong move, I use this to take it to the end of the universe, where you'll never find it. You said you wanted to bargain, show us your cards."  
  
The actual threat of losing the protein seemed to turn the tide, and the voices began to lessen. A few moments later, only one remained.  _Rose Tyler, as requested..._ A door on the far side of the room opened and a human walked in, carrying a cube of some clear material. Within it was a dim, gold and blue glow, which occasionally flickered dangerously. The Doctor felt his stomach drop. Even from a distance he could feel how weak she was. "How long has she been like this?"  
  
_One point three lunar rotations._  
  
The Doctor felt dizzy. Over a month. He'd messed with the manipulator and it had been over a month. This was his fault. "Give her to us."  
  
_You have no way to transport her._  The Doctor felt his blood boil at their smugness.  
  
Jack's hands gripped harder into the cold metal case.  _That was Rose?_  He didn't like the look of how she was flickering. "She can take the trip home with me to keep her stable. Which you don't look like you've been doing a very good job of. What the hell have you been doing to her?"  
  
_We have been... examining her._  The being seemed a mix of amused and frustrated. The human walked forward, holding the orb out to the Doctor and extending a hand for the case of protein.  _Make the exchange._  
  
Jack smirked a little bit. Good old Rose, making it difficult for them to 'examine' her. Jack's eyes flickered to the Doctor, wary.  _Should I hand it over?_  he asked silently.  
  
The Doctor shook his head slightly.  _Don't..._  "You will let me place her into Jack's mind and let him set the vortex coordinates. Then, and only then, will we give you the protein."   
  
The voice paused for a long moment.  _Do not try anything beyond that._  
  
"Like you could stop me," he growled, reaching out and touching the cube, his mind extending.  
  
She fluttered at a sudden presence, and weakly attempted to lash at the strange mind, but it was gentle and patient, and somehow... familiar? She relaxed into it's warm calming thrumming, trying to hold onto... something. She couldn't remember what. Everything she once held onto was fading away like falling asleep, but at least this one familiarity was here.  
  
The light that was Rose dimmed and stopped flickering so frantically in the Doctor's hands. "What do I do?" Jack asked.  
  
"Give me a moment," he said quietly, his throat constricting a little at how lost his Rose was. His fault. He closed his eyes. Very, very gently, her wrapped her mind in his. It wasn't difficult; she was so small and frail, easily contained. He pulled her away from the cube and into his own mind.   
  
Shuddered at the sudden taking out of the dark place, but didn't struggle. For an instant, warm and sad and loss held....  _her_ , that's right- in the palm careful as a butterfly. She fluttered comfortingly in concern at the sadness, the worry, trying to console the kind one despite her weakness. But she couldn't manage to project the words.  
  
He hardly paused as he moved to press his forehead to Jack's, extending his mind, Rose's contained in it.  _I'm going to put her with you. Be gentle. Start setting the manipulator,_  he said, before he remove his mind, nodding at Jack. Jack saw fear for Rose flashing in the Doctor's eyes for a moment and felt sick.  
  
Jack nodded and set the coordinates, closing his eyes afterwards and attempting to open his mind. He barely felt her flutter by, just barely a breath in the back of his head. She was dissolving, even in his mind. It wasn't a fresh, empty mind she could inhabit, and she wasn't in the shape nor did she have the mental ability of the creatures inhabiting the other humans. She was flaking away in the back of his mind, barely aware.  
  
"She's in," Jack whispered hoarsely.  
  
"Let's go," he whispered back as he looked over at the human and set the protein case on the floor, keeping a hand on it as the other reached for Jack's wrist. "Now," he growled, taking his hand off the protein at the last second.  
  
"They've released the mental link on her? The chain's gone?" he whispered, still wary of a trap, moving his hand to the manipulator.  
  
"If they didn't," the Doctor says, loud enough for them to hear, "then I will come back here, and I will rip every last one of them out of the minds of these humans, and I will obliterate them." He turned to look at the woman with dark, dead eyes. "I know you know who I am. I know you can feel it, in your pathetic joint neurons. Being together only makes you more vulnerable to me. Feel who I am," he said very quietly, "And decide if you want me to come back." He turned smoothly and clutched Jack's arm. "Let's go."  
Jack, panting with the effort it took to keep Rose from bleeding into nothingness, slammed his hand onto the button of the vortex manipulator, and the white room snapped out of sight. He held Rose tightly, concentrating every atom of effort into making sure she didn't get ripped away in the vortex, feather that she was.   
  
The landed back in Jake's living room, Rose jarring and cracking her thin layer of what she was left at Jack holding her so tightly.  
Jake immediately leapt from his seat next to Rose's body. "Her pulse has been gettin' slower. Have you got 'er?"   
  
"She's still here," Jack gasped. "Just barely. She's dissolving into nothing."  
  
"I've got her," the Doctor growled, moving immediately to press his forehead's to Jack's. He grabbed on to what remained of Rose firmly but gently, fighting to hold her together as he brought her into his mind. "Body," he managed, sinking slowly to his knees and struggling to keep her from fading.  
  
Jake was already lifting her from the stained carpet. Rose's still body was almost cold in his arms as he rushed back to the Doctor, laying her onto the floor, her fair hair flushing over the floor.  
  
Tingled.... CRACKED NO MOre of this.... not... mind... sad one, why are you sad? Don't be sad... kind... warm... struggled to make understand.... it's fine....  
Vague sense of warmth, light, like a moth to flame.... wish to fly.... weakness... not enough left to go back... is there?  
the  
blank  
goodbye, kind-sad.  
  
"DON'T YOU DARE!" he roared, pressing his forehead to Rose's body and rushing to place her there.  _Look. **Don't you dare say goodbye.**  Come on, look, room to grow, nourish, Rose, please, please, I am begging you, fight a little longer... Please, remember. I love you, Rose. Remember the Doctor? The Doctor loves you, and I love you, and and Jake, Jack are out there, waiting, hoping beyond hope that you wake up. Don't give up._  
  
The name. Rose. That  
  
Rose  
  
is  
  
_me_  
  
Doctor  
  
_Doctor  
  
**DOCTOR**_  
  
With the last burst of energy it took to form his name, the Doctor felt Rose scream. Breaking the rest of her fragile shell, the pieces littered his mind like fallen snow. The last drop of essence, of pure Rose, shot like a bullet into the body beneath the feverish skin of the Doctor's forehead as the heart was about to beat it's last. The arms spasmed weakly as the lungs convulsed with new life and the brain began to function again.  
  
_Do...  
  
c  
  
t  
  
o  
  
r_  
  
Rose coughed violently at the oxygen invading her inactive lungs, then shuddered, sighed contentedly, and was still again.  
He pulled back as he felt her leave his mind, watching with baited breath as she spasmed and coughed, her system restarting. "Rose...?" he asked quietly, unsure. He reached out to touch her shoulder before pulling her up into his arms. "Come on, Rose... please..." he begged, reaching up to push her hair out of her face. He looked up at Jack for a moment, terrified, before returning his attention to the woman in his arms. "Please wake up..."  _All my fault._  
  
Jake's throat bobbed, his eyes glassy.  
  
Jack just watched. He'd seen many people die. Too many. The Doctor was white as bone, frozen on the precipice. He too, had seen far too many deaths. Had caused too many of them.  _Come on, give me this..._  
  
Rose's eyelids fluttered. She moved softly, just the barest shifting of limbs, then leaned into the Doctor's warmth. She breathed out a crackly groan, and he felt like he could breathe again. Rose barely slit her eyes open and a mix of a sob and a laugh pulled jaggedly out of his chest.   
  
She felt safe. Whoever was holding her, they made her feel safe. She felt the heartbeat behind her head pick up. They smelled tangy, and weirdly spicy, and also sweetly like something... like... apples?  
  
_Applegrass._  
  
Applegrass?  
  
Yeah, yeah.  
  
Oh, it's beautiful.  
  
Like Apple...grass? Whatever that was. Blurry memories of lying in the green on a coat looking at the sky floated into her mind's eye on the sweet aroma.   
  
He reached up to cup her cheek, brushing his thumb across the sharp angle of her cheekbone, holding her tightly to his chest. "I'm right here, Rose..."   
  
A voice... She wanted to melt into it, that little hitch of the voice broke her heart. Wanted to say something... Make him comforted. She curled her fingers up to where the hand touched her cheek. "Aa- aaapp-grussssssss.”  
  
"What?" he grabbed her hand in his tightly. "What are you saying?" He bent to kiss her forehead, lingering for a moment.  
  
Lips soft against her forehead. Images of a cold windy beach and a pain in her chest and those lips against hers blurred in her memory. "Apple...grass," she whispered deliberately, coughing weakly again. She opened her eyes fully.   
A face swam before her eyes, blurred then sharpened. Her lips curled in an almost-smile. A tucked under chin and a shock of chestnut hair. Slightly curved nose. Almost no top lip, a bottom one that pouted. Beautiful. But his eyes were so sad. Why? She rubbed her thumb over his cheek, the wavering splay of freckles.  
  
"Who are you?" Rose asked quietly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know it's late. But it's only a day late! I had a lot of exams this week. 
> 
> No beta this time, so all mistakes are mine. Rewatch the trailer I made last week- it will make more sense after reading this chapter.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ev8IwJ7x2I


	9. Raspberry Jam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone tries to adjust to Rose's memory loss. The Doctor and Rose knock over some jam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get comfortable, go to the bathroom, and grab a snack. This chapter is long.

"I'm... I'm a friend of yours," the Doctor said quietly.

She stared at him blankly. The youngest looking man- ruggedly handsome, dirty blonde hair- knelt next to her. "What about me? Remember me?" he asked hopefully.

Rose turned to look at him, her forehead crinkling. Finally, she shook her head. "M'sorry, I..." It was infuriating. Like trying to remember the name and lyrics of a song stuck in your head, but so much more important.

"Jake," the young man prompted, sadly.

"Jake," Rose repeated. That helped. She definitely knew him, cared fiercely about him. She thought she could even remember what it felt like to be held by him when one of their hearts was torn open.

"What about me, sweetheart?" said another man, coming into her line of sight and making her jump. He was also ridiculously handsome, with bright blue eyes and a chiseled jaw. The tugging familiarity almost made her sick. "...maybe?" she said quietly.

She looked back up at the man holding her. He looked crestfallen, and she hated herself for putting that look on his face.

"My name is the Doctor... do you remember me?" he nearly begged.

"Doctor..." The name tasted sweet on her tongue, and speaking it brought back memories. Not quite memories... Feelings, more than images, and the images that did come back made no sense. A brooding blue eyed man in leather, and then this man, holding her hand, running and terror and brilliance and beautiful singing creatures like manta rays in the sunset. "I... I know you. I do. I think." She squeezed her eyes shut. Bits of color and brightness popped sideways behind her eyes. "You're sad. Sorry."

"Don't apologize," he murmured, still holding her close. He forced a smile, and lines gathered from the corners of his eyes. "I'm always sad. But you make me happy again."

"I do?" She remembered him attempting hold her hand, his heart breaking before her eyes on the windy beach, tears balancing on his eyelids. Screaming her name in agony as she was being swept closer into a white cold nothing. "No. I don't think I do," Rose frowned.

"You do it better than anyone else." He shifted a little on the hard floor to lean back against the wall, keeping her close to his chest. "But don't worry about that right now, okay? Just... relax. You're safe. It's going to all come back eventually," he promised, though in truth he had no idea if that was the case.

Her eyelids fluttered again, and she frowned. Everything had a strange aura around it, and each time she tried to form a thought, it slid sideways. "Wha happened t'me? It's, it's hard for me to think. Why can't I remember you?"

"Someone attacked your mind," he said quietly, running his fingers through her hair. "We tried to stop them, but we couldn't. But you're going to get better. I promise."

Jack left the room, motioning for Jake to follow. The Doctor deserved to be alone with her.

She shifted against his chest. "Attacked my mind? Y'mean like... crazy scientists or something? That's only in films."

He hesitated. "Not exactly crazy scientists, but close enough," he agreed. "And no, I'm afraid not only in films. Although our life is a lot like the films nowadays."

'Our' life? As in... sharing it? She couldn't process it, any of it. Her mind felt like it was a cracked mirror, and she couldn't see her own image clearly. "What... what do you want me to do now?" she asked airily, her head bobbing against his chest.

"Right now? I think the best thing might be a little sleep," he said, not sure at all but figuring it couldn't hurt. Rose startled a bit when he lifted her into his arms, but relaxed against him as walked over to set her gently on the couch.

His arms were thin but surprisingly strong. She felt the ropy muscles flex underneath the well-fitting suit as he lifted her into his arms and took her over to a couch. Rose stirred, mumbling, "Mum... I have a Mum? Jackie? Is- is she somewhere? Can you tell her I'm okay? I- I think she'd have a cow if I didn't tell her I'm okay..."

"I'll be sure to let her know," he promised, kneeling beside her. She looked so small and vulnerable against the dark fabric of the couch, and he grabbed a spare blanket, tucking her in carefully. "I'll be right here while you sleep, alright? If you need anything don't hesitate to ask. I might nod off, but just wake me up, alright?"

It was so difficult to form a coherent thought. "Righ'. Yeah. Thanks. Thank you. I'm glad that you're my friend. I'm sorry for the trouble."

"Don't be," he said, shaking his head. "I've caused a lot more trouble than this." And he'd caused this, inadvertently. "Get some sleep. I'm going to go call your mum, but I'll be right back."

A weary nod from Rose. He tucked the scrappy little throw Jake's mum had probably knit him around her before standing and grabbed Jake's mobile from the side table. He found Jackie's number on speed dial.

The Doctor tapped his foot nervously, unzipping the silver jumpsuit. Jackie's phone rang four times before she picked up. "Jake Simmonds, it had better be bloody important, because it's three o'clock in the fu-"

He interrupted quickly. "Jackie, it's me. It's the Doctor."

Jackie immediately sounded more awake. "Doctor? What's wrong? Are you alright?"

He smiled a little. "I'm fine. I'm actually calling to tell you that we just got Rose back."

The response was instantaneous. "Is she alright? Is she hurt? You'd better have gotten her home safe, alien boy, or I'll murder your arse."

"She's fine, Jackie," he lied easily, stepping out of the jumpsuit and tossing it over a dining chair. "Just needs a little sleep. I'll call you when she wakes up, alright?"

"You'd better. Where are you? I'm comin' over."

He winced, looking over his shoulder at Rose. "Jackie, it's three-"

"-in the mornin', I know, I don' care, an' I'm comin' over to check on my girl."

She couldn't see Rose. Not yet. "I'll call you in the morning, Jackie."

"Don't you fuckin' dare hang up this pho-"

He hung up the phone. Turning back into the living room, he pulled one of the throw pillows to the rug. Rose's hair was thrown over her face. After some hesitation, he pushed it behind her ear. She smiled in her sleep. He lay down on the rug, and tried to close his eyes. The sound of her breathing put him to sleep.

* * *

Rose stretched on the couch. Everything was a little sharper than it had been the night before, like she'd returned to the real world to stay. Through her sleep-stuck eyes, she saw sunlight leaking through the gap in the curtains. She glanced around and saw the man- the Doctor, that's right- sleeping on the small rug, with only a small throw pillow supporting his head. She admired the way his hand curled in his sleep; whoever he was, she still had emotion associating with him. She was very fond of him. Grabbing hold of the knit blanket that had mysteriously appeared on her through the night, Rose wafted it up and lay it over his thin, curled body. His face seemed much less troubled in his sleep, the concerned ridge between his brows smooth.

"Aw, you crazy kids are so cute," chuckled a familiar voice. Rose looked up to see the handsome dark haired man sitting in a tired looking armchair across from them.

"I know you today," she said immediately. "John- Jack! Isn't it?"

He looked almost taken aback, but hid it well. "Nail on the head. Glad to see you're back with us, Miss Tyler."

"Where's Jake?"

"Still sleeping. Never gets up before eight if he can help it." He leaned forward in the chair, elbows resting on his knees, and lowered his voice so as not to disturb the still-sleeping Doctor. "How are you feeling?"

She scratched at her knee. "Confused."

"Only natural."  _You were barely whole when you were in my mind, even I know you're way too functional to be normal,_  he thought, keeping up the charming smile. He'd have to confront the Doctor later. "Could be a lot worse."

The Doctor woke slowly to Rose and Jack talking, and stretched out, groaning slightly. His entire body still ached with memory of disease.

"Morning, sleeping beauty," Jack sang. "Glad you decided to join us."

The Doctor glared, opening his mouth for a retort, but was overtaken by a sudden attack of dry coughs.

Rose nearly pushed herself up, but this was apparently normal, as Jack had a glass of water at the ready, handing it down calmly. The Doctor took it with shaking hands, managing a gulp and waiting until his coughs subsided to wheezing.

Rose twisted the edge of her shirt. "You alright?"

The Doctor nodded, finally taking a deep breath and feeling every less-than-optimal part of his body he had ignored yesterday. "M'fine," he assured raspily. He saw Rose wince at the purple sunken under his eyes.

"Did you really sleep on the floor all night?" she frowned.

"I didn't sleep on the floor all night," the Doctor insisted. "I just lay on the floor. Sleeping was only recently. I don't need all that sleep like you hu- I'm fine."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Jackie and all your nurses would pitch a fit, the protein has just barely started producing bone marrow again."

Rose whirled to Jack. " _What_?"

He nodded. "It was drying up before."

She looked back at the Doctor, face crumpling in concern. "You were ill?" Of course, it was obvious.

He wrinkled his nose. "A little. A smidge. But don't worry about it! Clean bill of health, me. We'll clear all that up later. How's your head?"

She ignored his babbling, getting the sudden memory of him coughing up blood all over a tile floor, her face prickling with the red spray, his eyes rolling back, his lips turning blue.  _A 'little' ill, my ass._  "I- I don't know, actually." She concentrated. "Sore? Sorry, it seems that- when I try an' think about it, it's like everything goes fuzzy."

He nodded, jaw tensing, and Rose wondered if she'd said something wrong. "That's alright, don't worry about it. Tell you what, let me talk to Jack for a minute, and then we'll see about rustle something up? Brekkie, chow time,  _le petit dejeuner_ ," he babbled to fill the space, standing and walking out the front door.

Jack grinned beautifully. "Just stay right there gorgeous, gotta talk to Eeyore for a sec, be right back."

Rose squinted suspiciously as they walked outside to the landing. Jack locked the door with his spare key. After a moment, he squinted through the blinds on the window.

Jack turned to the Doctor, hands on hips. "You noticed it too, huh?"

He nodded from where he was leaning against the metal railing. "Trauma," he said, a bit grim. "While the human mind can block out traumatic memories as a defense mechanism, hers is setting up  _very_  precise walls to protect her from going into shock, while it rebuilds. Way too advanced for a human." He sighed. "And as happy as I am, the state she was in... she should be a vegetable right now, Jack."

Jack nodded. "And she's improving. Fast. She can  _retain_  memory, which is a miracle in itself, she asked for Jake this morning. She remembers Jackie. She remembered  _my_  name. Almost immediately when she saw me. She remembers tiny little things about you. I mean... applegrass? That was New New York, Right? That was years ago. But she remembered the name, first thing waking up." He crossed over to the blinds again, squinting through to see Rose crossing her arms, looking thoroughly pissed off. "She's changing," he realized. "Something more than human."

"Don't I know it," the Doctor said quietly, rubbing at his eyes. "I think I've known it for a long time, but this confirms it." He tried to start pacing the tiny landing, but the area was too small. "I can't help but think it was the heart of the TARDIS," he said after a moment, coming to an abrupt halt. He leaned his elbows on the railing, squinting down at the rushing city nine stories below. "That'd be the obvious explanation. Maybe the mental trauma triggered it."

"But you took it out of her, she wouldn't be here if you hadn't, from the way she tells it." Jack said, jerking away from the window when Rose saw him looking through at her and glared.

"From the way she tells it," he pointed out. "I did my best. But that type of thing is never completely reversible. There might have been residual energy, stored somewhere. Then, when her mind started failing, going into panic mode, it starts using any resource it can get its hands on."

"The TARDIS energy."

The Doctor nodded, standing from the railing.

"No wonder she could go through dimensions without too many ill effects. And she was able to send you a message, spread that whole... 'bad wolf' thing you two have. So... is there anything we should worry about? She's not gonna go all-powerful-clairvoyant on us, right?"

"Who knows? This doesn't exactly have a precedent. She's lucky to be alive, a million times over."

"Rose is tough, she'll be okay." Jack glanced through the blinds again. "Although... she seems to be missing a lot of her memories. Could gradually come back. Or not. Either way, she's going to need our help." He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked back to the Doctor. "Tell you what, though. She seems to have kept all her emotion connected to everyone. Should make things easier. When she was in my head, that was almost all that was left. You know what that means, right?"

The Doctor looked up at Jack, shaking his head a little, waiting for the other to elaborate.

Jack looked at him, exasperated. "Damn, you  _are_  dense. And here I was thinking she was exaggerating," he winked. "She sees you as the same person. All that she felt for the  _other_  Doctor- she feels it for you too. I could feel it, even when she wasn't a complete person anymore in my head- don't try to tell me you didn't feel it, too." He raised his eyebrows. "You're both fooling yourselves into being miserable, and frankly, we're all sick of it. So go out there, get your scrawny ass laid, and lighten up a bit."

"Do you even hear how  _wrong_  that is?" he asked, his expression a cross between mortified and indignant. "When she had her full mental faculties about her, she  _chose_  not to be with me. Now, she's not herself, she's incapable of making the decision she once did because she doesn't have valuable information and is mentally injured, and you're suggesting I  _take advantage of her_?"

"Rose is a big girl," Jack frowned. "You can't treat her like a child because of this! We both know she has a worrying amount of mental faculties about her for what she's been through, and she can make her own choices." He sighed. "Look. She's stubborn, and over the past few years, she's had to conjure up the image of what her life was gonna be like to keep her going. So the whole metacrisis was not in the whole picture. Being stuck on planet earth, in this dimension- definitely not in the 'plan'. So she had trouble adjusting the first few days you were here. So what? But I gotta tell you, when she rushed in here when you were dying, I'd never seen her so scared, so driven. And I've seen her trying to save the universe." Jack shook his head, almost in pity. "You poor sunnavabitch. You really don't see, do you?"

"No, I don't," he said quietly. "And as true as that all may be... It's speculation." He sat down in a chair, eyes on his clasped hands. "What happens when she remembers that I'm not the Doctor? What then? She'll be furious."

"Oh  _hell_ , no, we are not hiding that from her as well. Tell her. Tell her everything now. Except for the part about her mutating, might wanna edit that out. Help her remember, tell her everything about what happened. You'll see." Jack rolled up his sleeves. "I gotta call in a few favors, make sure no one tracks us. Just- lighten up on yourself a bit."

He took a breath, nodding and standing. They both walked out into the main room and over to where Rose is sitting, glaring at them suspiciously. Jack shot him a  _good luck_  expression and ducked into the back of the flat.

In private, Jack sighed, rubbing at his jaw. Carrying Rose was both exhausting and emotionally draining. She was so broken, it was an absolute miracle she could speak at all. Then again, Rose wasn't ordinary. She'd ripped through hundreds of dimensions, and managed to keep her sanity. Or so everyone thought. Jack sighed, wondering how much she'd remember. While she was in his head, nothing more than a pile of broken pieces, she'd kept her emotions, her compassion, even her stubbornness. And she kept that staggering love for the Doctor, no matter what body he was in.

* * *

The Doctor gave her a smile. "Hey. Feeling any better?"

"You asked me that two minutes ago. What were talking about that was so private?" she frowned, but found it difficult to do so with him smiling at her like that.

He chuckled. "If I could tell you, it wouldn't be private, now would it?" He sat next to her, pushing a hand through his hair nervously. "Can we talk?"

She bent her knees, wrapping her arms around them. "'Course," she frowned, noticing his fidgeting. "You okay?"

"Fine, I'm fine," he said, shaking his head. "Nothing to be concerned about... I just.. I figured I'd fill you in on a few details you might be missing."

Rose nodded encouragingly. "If you could. Sometimes when you say certain things, I get weird smudges of memory back, it should help." She gave him a small smile of encouragement.

"Alright," he says, tugging at his cuffs a little. "Why don't you start by telling me what you do remember?"

She concentrated. "Nearly everythin' up until my teens seems... clear." She wrinkled her nose. "Then it gets fuzzy. I think- I think those are the years I met you. An' Jack! He was there too, but he was different and someone else, and someone who was you but looked different." She winced. "That makes no sense, sorry," she winced. "I remember being scared a lot, and being happy, until something bad happened. I got taken away, or you did." She paused. "My dad, he died when I was a baby. Hit an' run. But he's here now, like he never died. And… a brother. Tony. I love him t'pieces." She smiled widely, remembering the first time she held the squeaking little bundle in her arms. Then- then…. Her smile faded. "Then I remember seeing you again, and being so happy because I- I never thought I'd see you again. Then you were dyin' in my arms. There was a beach. And-" she broke off.

_I love you._  Scared brown eyes, the gut instinct that pulled him closer. His lips had been cold from the wind. Her arms had curled up around his shoulders.

She cleared her throat. "As for everything else, one fat blank except I remember you- coughing up blood on a bathroom floor, being hooked up to a million machines in the hospital. I think it was my fault, somehow." She gazed into space. "We were close, weren't we?"

He tried to take in the fragmented explanation, figuring out where the gaps were. He looked up at her question, and nodded a little. "Yes. We were. Very close. But..." He inhaled deeply. "Look, this is all going to sound- absurd, and I'm sorry, but Jack and Jake can back me up on every word, and your mum and dad too. First thing you need to know is that I'm not exactly... human."

Rose blinked. "Meaning?"

"I'm from a planet light years from here," he told her as bluntly as he could.

Maybe whatever illness he'd had had damaged his sense of reality. That, or he might be mad. "You're tellin' me that you're some bloody- outer-space alien," she nearly laughed. "But aliens don't exist."

"That's quite closed-minded of you, Rose Tyler!" he sniffed, sounding almost offended. "I completely exist. And loads of others." He let out a sigh. "Time was I could have proved it. But...  _well_ , you'll understand once I tell you the rest of the story."

Alright, so he was mad. But he seemed harmless, and she was in the mood for a good story.

He was very animated, telling her about meeting her in a cold basement full of shop window dummies, about their adventures, his first regeneration- she scoffed at that, but he kept talking- all the way up to the first time at bad wolf bay.

Rose quieted. Normally she would have laughed out loud to his entire story, but the images that came with his stories- screaming pepper pots with egg whisks and a plunger, gas mask zombies, silver men, talking flaps of skin- it all seemed a little too familiar. She swallowed.

"What... what'd you do on the beach? Is that how I got back?"

"I left," he said quietly. "I left you there, and I didn't see you again for six years, your time. I didn't have a choice. You were trapped. But you fought it." He laughs a little, shaking his head. "You've always been so stubborn. And clever. I only take the best, and you, you definitely were. Are." His eyes softened. "You found your way back to me just when I needed you most. And you, you saved the universe."

"Donna did," Rose corrected, surprising them both. Donna. That's right, she liked Donna. Donna was brilliant. "Then... how am I here? How is my family here if we were all trapped in the other universe?"

"The story isn't over yet. Saving the universe came at a cost," he said quietly. "A second 'me' was created. A copy, with my exact memories and thoughts, but who was half human. Who aged like a human, and who didn't regenerate. He was too dangerous to leave alone... So the Doctor left him with you, here, in this universe," he said quietly. Rose's mouth went dry, as she realized where this was going. The Doctor trailed off almost to a whisper. "And he got sick. Very sick. And you saved his life, almost at the cost of your own." His wildly gesturing hands had fallen to his lap, twisting together. "So now he's telling you this story, to remind you."

She leaned on her hand, still trying to scramble and grasp all of the not-quite-new information. "You... you liked to travel. An' now you're stuck here, with me," her voice hitched. "An' then you almost died, after 900 years of being able to live almost forever, you almost died." She rubbed her eyes. "An' I'm sorry I've forgotten so much about you."

He looked up at her, surprised, expecting rejection despite all of Jack's assurances. "No, no," he said quickly. "I don't regret it. I get to be with y- with.. with everyone. And I've lived a long life, dying wouldn't have been too bad. It's not your fault you've forgotten so much. You saved my life."

"You saved my life, a million times, as well as the rest of the universe. I'm sure what I did was barely anything to repay that." She picked at her flaking fingernails. "So... the other Doctor, he took your TARDIS? And he's still flying around out there? All alone." She looked at the Doctor in front of her. "I can't imagine you all alone, especially if you're always sad. Is he alright?"

"Firstly, it's his TARDIS, not mine," he said only a bit bitterly. "As for being alone... He'll find someone. He always does. And if he doesn't, he's got the TARDIS for company." He forced a smile. He still remembered the horrible days travelling alone. New planets and danger were like drugs, getting him to forget the empty TARDIS for just a little, and he wasted away, ran and fought regardless of injury, hardly slept, all to keep himself away from the dark loneliness of the hallways. He shook his head a little. "I'm sure he's having a right good time."

She saw the lie in his eyes, and it killed her. "How long has it been? Since we got dropped off? What have we done?"

He shook his head a little. "Complicated question. For me, almost a month. For you, just under a week, I think." He sighed. "I was very... I was dying. You used Jack's vortex manipulator- a time travel device a lot smaller and less powerful than the TARDIS- to travel to a time in the future when a cure was available. But you had to steal it, and you were captured ensuring Jack's escape with the medicine. We had to wait until I was well again to come rescue you, but we travelled in time to only a few hours after you'd been captured."

"At least I helped you that way. I still- I can't remember much, but when you talk about being ill, I feel so guilty. Like it was my fault." She sighed, then looked up at him again. "Why are you starin' at me?" she asked, almost worriedly.

He reddened, looking away quickly. "I wasn't staring. And it wasn't your fault, though I think you might have blamed yourself a little. I can promise it wasn't your fault, though. I didn't tell you I was sick, and things got.. bad... faster than I expected."

She frowned, reached out to hold his hand. "How're you doin' now?" she asked quietly. He still looked a little peaky, was so thin she could see his bones poking out through his suit, (although in what memories she had of him, she could always recall him being abnormally thin) and every now and then it almost sounded like he was having trouble breathing. "How're  _you_  feeling?"

He squeezed her hand a little, smiling. "Don't worry about me! Still not top form, but a few weeks of bed rest will do that to ya'," he grinned. "But I'm fine. I'm going to recover right quick, hup to, in a heartbeat, faster than shit through a goose, Rose Tyler, no doubt about it."

Rose shivered at the way her name clicked off his tongue. She started to gather the courage to hedge towards the memory of them kissing. Before she could, someone was pounding on the front door so forcefully it made both of them both jump.

"Open up, you alien ponce! I know you're in there," Jackie hollered. "An' I'm going to see my daughter,  _now_ , or so 'elp me-"

The Doctor had already been startled to his feet, pulling back the chain and untwisting the lock. "Jackie, how the hell did you-"

"You used Jake's phone."

"His mobile! We could've been anywhere!"

"Please, m'not simple," she pushed past him, immediately throwing her arms around her daughter. Rose was assaulted by a cocktail of expensive hairspray and far less expensive perfume. "Oh, Rose," Jackie whimpered. "We've been so worried! You can't just go swanning off like that! We 'ad no idea if you were alive or dead!"

Rose inhaled deeply and tightened her arms around her mum's back. "You're wearin' the perfume," she whispered.

Jackie's forehead crinkled, but she didn't let her daughter go. "Wha'? Perfume?"

"The cheap kind from the chemist's you always wore when I was little, an' when we came here, you found out this universe made the same brand an'- you got it anyway, even when we could afford much more expensive stuff." Rose sounded suspiciously waterlogged. "You stopped wearin' it when- when the darkness was coming. I didn't even realize until now.

"Oh, Rose," Jackie said again, her voice also thick. "How long 'as it been for you?"

"Not long, Mum. I'm fine."

"Thas' what 'imself said," Jackie scoffed. "You seem... off. Did they hurt you? Did he let you get hurt? I swear I'll kill 'im!"

"I'm fine," insisted Rose, pulling out of the hug. "Better than fine. I feel brilliant. I'm  _happy_ , Mum" she smiled widely.

Jackie studied Rose's face, and the worry slowly slackened out of her own. "Thas' wonderful, sweetheart- I'm so glad, we've all been so worried, even before you left." Her eyes flicked to the kitchen, where the Doctor had gone to give them some time together. "Are you and the Doctor alright, now, love?" she lowered her voice. "Sounds like you've sorted out the problem, but... He was really missin' you."

She twisted a strand of hair around her finger. "Yeah, we're fine, why wouldn't we be?"

Jackie blinked. "No- no reason," she said, bewildered. "Listen, luv, Pete an' Tony really miss you, are you alright to come back with me t'the house?"

Rose wiped at the corner of her eyes. "Um, yeah, sure."  _Shit_. "Lemme just, um, go tell th'Doctor-"

"Oh, bring him with! Tony's been clammerin' for him, too. Thanks a lot, for that, I don' see why you had to make 'im such the dashing hero in all your stories."

"Alrigh', hold on two ticks," she smiled stiffly, heading into the kitchen.  _Shit_.

He was sitting on Jake's counter, having gone through his cupboard and was eating shortbread biscuits and dipping them in marmalade. She hated how her heart seemed to stumble. He looked like a bloody five year old, who did he think he was? "I heard," he said as soon as she walked in.

"What do I do?" Rose hissed. "I can't have her knowin' of- of the memory thing, she'll lose her shit, an' she'll worry-"

"Just act normally."

"I don't know what 'normally' is! Aliens apparently wiped my fuckin' brain!" she growled through her teeth.

He looked up from trying to scrape the last bit of marmalade out of the jar. His eyes were strangely dark, jaw set. "You will." Then it was gone, a cloud passing over the sun. He hopped down from the counter and sucked the last of the marmalade off of his fingers in quick order, fingers leaving his mouth with a  _pop_. Rose swallowed, hard.

"Now! Time for some quality time with your mother. Never mind I'd rather make nice with a Dalek, but I have an enormously high pain threshold. " He sounded perfectly cheerful. "I'll just go tell Jack we're off!"

Rose definitely did  _not_  ogle his bum as he bounded down the hall.

* * *

The afternoon went unusually smoothly. It was a bit shocking to see her dad walking and talking when she mostly remembered him being dead, but luckily everyone chalked it up to her missing him. Between Tony and the Doctor, the two talked enough to cover up any awkward missteps Rose made.

They went out for ice cream, which Jackie reminded Tony was only as a special treat for Rose coming home, and that he'd still have to eat his lunch. The Doctor got whipped cream from his banana split all over on the tip of his nose, and Tony immediately dabbed his own with the froth from his milkshake.

Rose tried not to act surprised at the people with cameras lurking at them. "Bloody vultures. They're probably givin' the attention because they think 'imself is your new boyfriend," Jackie thumbed in the Doctor's direction. Rose felt her cheeks heat up.

The Doctor watched Rose carefully, but her family didn't seem to suspect anything was amiss, and she was acclimating well. Very well. Maybe a little too well, too fast? She'd remembered Tony's favorite flavor of cream soda and was back to affectionately calling him "Bean" by eleven.

There was a peddler selling flowers and scarves in broken English, and no one save the Doctor noticed when Rose kindly refused the woman in perfect Romanian. Not even Rose herself seemed to be aware at what she'd done. He didn't tell her.

The Doctor felt utterly betrayed. Not to mention a bit irritated that he'd managed to be tricked into going back to the bloody hospital. How was he supposed to know Jackie Tyler was conniving enough to lie like that? And after she'd acted so chummy during their day out. "You can't do that," the Doctor tried to growl, but it came out more like a whine, which did very little to convince Jackie.

Jackie didn't look at all sorry. "An' you can't skip off from th'hospital a week after you were on death's door, bu' here we are. Don't give me tha' look, I'm not lettin' you drop dead cos' that bloody alien serum made you're deathly allergic to sunlight, or daisies, or chip oil or some bloody thing."

"Time Lords aren't allergic to flowers!" he threw up his hands. Bloody hell, it was  _his_  TARDIS! And she was giving him an ultimatum! Just being back in the too-familiar white halls made him feel antsy. "Aspirin! I said I can't have  _aspirin_ , that's it! Jackie, it's- I need it-"

"An' I'll give your plant spaceship soon as you let Owen have a look over. You're not puttin' us through that again. Rose is comin' after dropping Tony off with Pete, an' if you don't go in, you'll have her worry."

He still couldn't believe he'd fallen into her trap, this blindly. His bottom lip jutted out further, almost comically, but when Jackie didn't budge, he finally conceded.

Owen Harper irritated him the second he saw him.

Then he opened his mouth. "Right, you that alien wanker who's been all the trouble?" He pushed glasses up his weasley face. "And you skipped out last night, no medical records, less than two weeks after everyone had thrown in the towel."

"And you've been skipping out on holiday and getting a tan since the universe was saved, with some excuse that you were dealing with the fallout," he retorted. He heard Jackie snort.

Owen raised his eyebrows. "From where I can see it, we were both tryin' to get out of this bloody graveyard after a near death experience, so you're one to talk." He looked at his clipboard. "Right, come on, I'll get you started."

Owen was about as gentle as he expected. "My patients are usually dead. S'why I like them. They don't talk," he explained.

When he came at him with a syringe for a blood sample, the Doctor grabbed hold of his wrist. "My biology is extremely important and unique," he said lowly. "And if  _anyone_  outside of this room even sees a report sheet on it, much less gets a sample without my permission-" Owen grit his teeth as his wrist cracked.

"I work for fucking Torchwood. I know how to keep a secret."

"You can't show or release these to anyone  _from_  Torchwood," the Doctor hissed. "I don't know exactly what makes you lot tick, but until I find out, you lock any information on me  _away_. I will know as soon as you release it. To anyone." His tone left no room for even considering an argument.

Owen glowered a bit. "Mate, I'm here because I know my stuff an' this place pays better than anywhere else. I don't need the bribe money anyone would give me so I'd slip your precious hybrid secrets. Honestly, couldn't give a fuck."

Owen took got his samples and warned him off strenuous activity for the next few weeks. "You're free for intercourse, though, long as you don't get too kinky," he said as the Doctor's ears reddened. "So go do us all a favor an' fuck Tyler; everybody else has been tryin' to do it for years, maybe you'll have some luck."

When the Owen and the Doctor emerged to the waiting room, Rose was waiting for them, the Doctor looked like he had a raincloud over his head, and Owen's nose was stuffed with bloody rolls of gauze.

"My god, what happened to you?" Rose asked, and Owen muttered something about traveling and adjusting to the air pressure change.

"Then what's the matter with you? You look like someone pissed in your Wheaties," Jackie asked the Doctor. Owen lit up.

As it turned out, Owen announced, the bonding protein had successfully corrected the serious genetic mutations, but with minor side effects. In addition to aspirin and Praxis gasses, the Doctor was now minorly allergic to oysters, dust mites, and several types of flowers.

"Sure I can't drive you the last bit? You've not been well."

The Doctor stretched his arms. "Nah, I could do with the fresh air. Been cooped up too long. It's only a few blocks, anyway."

"I'd like a walk," Rose agreed.

"Suit yourselves," Jackie shrugged, her eyes twinkling as she looked between them. She took something folded in a red tea cloth out of her purse and handed it to the Doctor.

Holding the priceless bundle wrapped in the floral tea cloth finally made him relax- at least partially.

"It seems alright, but I didn't know if it need sun or waterin' or nothin'-"

"She's fine Jackie, don't worry," the Doctor said, unfolding the cloth. Rose watched some of the tension drain out of his bony shoulders, and she thought she may have been imagining it, but he almost looked healthier just by holding whatever it was. "She's hibernating. And TARDISes are sturdy."

TARDIS? Rose bit her tongue until her Mum kissed them both goodbye (the Doctor half-heartedly pulling a face) and drove off.

Rose curved her arm through the Doctor's by instinct."TARDIS- That was your spaceship. What's that, then?" Rose asked.

His face brightened further, and she couldn't help but think how beautiful he looked in the waning daylight. He completely unfolded the tea cloth, and pulled out what looked like an orangey sort of ginger root. "A cutting of the TARDIS. Can be grown into a new one."

Rose's face lit up in delight. "Oh my god, you didn't tell me!" she said happily, hesitantly reaching out to touch it. She almost drew back in surprise at how warm it felt, like it had its own heartbeat. "How soon d'you think it can be ready?" she laughed, leaning her head on his shoulder as they walked.

He tried to hide how her head on her shoulder sent somersaulting warmth down his chest. "I'm not sure. Never exactly done this before. Usually, it'd take… Centuries. Millenia. But with the age, psychic connection of the predecessor, I should be able-" he babbled, trying to distract himself from the smell of her hair.

"Speed it up," Rose interrupted, just remembering. She smiled wider, laughing and rubbing his arm affectionately. "That's brilliant!"

He beamed. "I just have to set up the conditions. Maybe... A year?"

"We could seriously-" she paused, unsure at how willing he'd be to share the rest of his shortened human life with the TARDIS with her. "I mean, if you want to..."

"Rose, I want anything with a 'we'," he told her earnestly. "We could seriously travel time and space again," he said, completing the sentence.

She felt warm with affection for him. She squeezed his arm. "A year…" she pondered. "Yeah, I can handle that."

The way he was  _looking_  at her… Rose began to wonder if they had been more than "just friends", but something had happened. That kiss on the beach was certainly odd and out of place, like the memory had felt wrong to her at the time. Maybe she would get up the courage to ask him someday. Or maybe she'd remember.

"Just up ahead," the Doctor nodded. Rose raised her eyebrows; she'd seen where her Mum, brother, and Pete lived when she'd stopped by to shower when the Doctor had been in his appointment, and that had been mad enough. But she hadn't expected her own place to be so...

"This is quite posh," she muttered, looking up at the modern high-rise. "What do I do for a livin'? Please don't tell me my parents bought me this place."

" _Well_ ," the Doctor cocked his head, putting the TARDIS coral carefully back in his pocket. "You've apparently risen through the ranks over the years. Someone has to run Torchwood. Mainly, you and Jack."

"I'm head of part of the- that huge alien place we picked you up at? The one disguised as the flavor research for the soft drink Pete's all over?" she hissed as the passed the doorman, looking a bit panicked. They climbed into the glass lift. The Doctor hit the button for the top floor.

"That was er, more part of the hospital. Torchwood- the London branch anyway- is-" He thumbed at Canary Wharf, which was slowly falling below their eyeline in the distance.

"Bloody hell," Rose murmured. "An' Pete owns it. So I automatically got the top job."

"From what I heard, you earned it." He tugged on his ear. "I  _think_  you may have a doctorate."

" _What_? I didn't even complete school, an' now I have a doctorate? That I don't even remember  _getting_?"

He put a calming hand on her shoulder. "Rose, you're fine. Things are already coming back to you, and it's not even been a full twenty-four hours. You'll be fine," he told her, though he wasn't sure himself.

Rose relaxed a bit, but the person she thought she was seemed more like a stranger. The glass doors opened and they stepped into the hall.

The Doctor walked up to door 2931. "Here we go... Key in your pocket? If not, I can sonic it open."

She felt in her front pocket. Her fingers traced over the metal teeth and the tiny rubber shape of a keychain. But... "Must've lost it," she smiled cockily. "It's all yours."

He grinned, pulling out the sonic, and her heart lifted at how it was smoothly round and silver, just as she remembered. The high pitched buzz and blue light both felt like home.

The inside of her flat, however, did not. "Oh," she said, and he can hear her disappointment. The walls were an almost flawless white, with shiny dark wood floor in the entrance and snow-white carpet in the enormous living room off to the left, but it's just as empty as it had been the first time he'd seen it. The wide glass windows had no curtains, and the large fireplace was imposingly bare of all knick knacks and photos. The only signs of anyone ever setting foot in the place were the evaporated cups of coffee and water, and a few ancient coffee grounds dumped in the kitchen.

"Oh?"

"No, I mean, it's nice," Rose said, walking into the dining room with her arms crossed. "Lots of natural light... but it's, it's awfully big isn't it? Why the hell would I get such a big flat?" She laughed humorlessly. "Do I have four roommates?"

"No."

"Didn't think so," Rose screwed up her mouth.

"You worked a lot during those six years. Maybe you just... weren't home a whole lot." He sighed, looking around. A thin layer of dust had settled on the alabaster colored table. No cleaners hired, then, probably because of her confidential work. And judging from the glasses on the table, she'd not gone home the whole time he'd been in the hospital, which meant... "Don't go into the bathroom off the guest room until I clean it up," he warned.

"Why? Which one is the guest room anyway?" she called from the kitchen, putting the musty cups into the stainless steel sink.

"I'll show you. It looks like you never came back, which means that bathroom is a little... ah... dirty," he said, trying to be as discreet as possible. He ducked through the kitchen doorway, his hands buried in his pockets.

The image of him bleeding all over a tile bathroom floor floated back to the forefront of her brain. Ah. Right. She rubbed her arms and shivered a little.

The Doctor ducked his head a little to get a better look at he face. "Are you alright?" he asked gently, reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder again.

She met his eyes, one corner of her mouth quirking. "I'm fine. Just… was hoping to figure more out about m'self, that's all. I can clean the bathroom, if you want. It's no big deal." His hand was firm and warm and the stroking of his thumb made her want to shiver again, for a completely different reason.

"Let me help, many hands make light work, and all that! We can have a chat." He paused. "I've missed talking to you," he admitted.

"Me too," she said immediately, then cleared her throat. "Hydrogen peroxide cleans up blood, I probably would have some under the sink."

He nodded. "Sounds good, although it seems hardly fair that you have to clean up after my mess," he sighed, heading to the his room, and through to the bathroom. He winced a little as he walked through. There the polished white tiles were accented by smears brown, dragged handprints on the porcelain of the toilet and sink making it look like a murder scene. He had a flash of memory of trying desperately to get anything into his lungs.

Rose came up behind him, holding a bottle of peroxide and several sponges. She inwardly flinched at the crusts of dried blood all over the rather large bathroom and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You okay?" she asked gently, handing him a sponge.

He jumped, and took in a deep breath. "Yeah, yeah, fine. Just... remembering." He poured the hydrogen peroxide on the sponge and started to scrub at a broad, dark stain on the tiles.

She bent down as well, watching his manic movements. "I have so many gaps," she said, scrubbing at the base of the sink. "Tell me about something we did."

"Who, me and you, or the Doctor and you? Because you and I did very little. Kissed once, fought for days, then I almost died and you almost died, and now we're scrubbing my guts of the bathroom floor," he says with a laugh.

She paused. "So... so it wasn't just my imagination then. We really..." she faded off. "Earlier, Mum asked if 'we' were okay. I said, of course we are. Doctor... were... were we a ' _we_ '?"

He paused, then began scrubbing harder at the tiles. "You... ah... You were angry that I wasn't the Doctor, and I was being an arse and trying to continue things like they had been. You and the Doctor were- a 'we', sort of."

"But you are the Doctor," she mumbled, confused. "An' it was  _you_  I kissed. Why would I do that if you weren't?" The conversation was uncomfortable, toeing the line between 'just friends' and… whatever they'd had. "Why'd he leave if we were ever more than..." Her cheeks were a bright pink now, and she bent her head to get at a particularly difficult stain in between the tiles.

He scooted over a bit to start working on cleaning the toilet. The bitter mixture of the peroxide and blood wafted off the floor. "He was trying to give you something better. He doesn't age, I do. I'm mostly human. It was a mistake, and you hated it, but that was how it was."

She bit her lip and aggressively scrubbed between the tiles so hard some grout flaked off. "I don't think I like past Rose, much," she attempted to say light heartedly, but it was true. "An' what about you?" she asked softly. "Do you... did you get a choice? Or did he just dump you here as well, to keep me out of the way?"

"Actually, you've got it backwards," he said with a bit of a laugh. It sounded off. "He hated me, because I'm him, and he hates himself. He dumped me here, and left you to keep an eye on me," he said, shrugging. "It seemed like the best option at the time. A lot of confusing circumstances. But at the time I was alright with it, because..." he trailed off, then shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Point is I'm alright being here."

She couldn't help thinking that laugh was painful, more of a bark of pain, really. She returned to scrubbing at the tiles, grabbing a handful more of paper towels to wipe up the now liquefying red-brown. "We met Queen Victoria together once, didn't we?" she said suddenly. "Why don't you tell me about that?"

He looked up, then, smiling. "Yeah... Yeah we did. Brilliant time. Scottish, Kung Fu monks. Werewolves! That was one I never expected to deal with! I mean, there are plenty of animorphus species, but few are familiar with terran fauna..." He babbled on cheerfully, continuing to clean, rinsing the red down the tub drain.

* * *

They went to bed early. Rose was relieved to see that her room, while still a bit empty, had a lot more personality than the rest of the flat. The Queen Sized bed had a cheery blue comforter and decorative pillows, and a picture of Tony was on the bedside table.

She was so tired she thought she'd pass out immediately, but lying in the dark did the exact opposite of the desired effect. She just kept trying to remember things. But they were just smoke and seeing another world, another universe burn down as the darkness swallowed it whole, test runs where she was run down and people died her arms and even though she'd washed the results of cleaning the bathroom off, the old smell of the Doctor's blood seemed to waft up from her hands and her hair and she's watching him die, again-

Rose threw off the covers.

The lights were still on in the Doctor's room when there was a polite knock on the door. "Come in."

"I didn't know if you'd still be awake," Rose said. She's chewing on the edge of her thumb and wearing a large T-shirt that barely hangs to her thighs.

"Couldn't sleep?"

She shrugged, the slight fuzziness of her hair backlit like a halo by the lamp on the dresser. "You neither?"

"Nahhh, sleep is for losers, and for full-humans who don't have anything better to do." His attempt at levity fell flat, but he got an almost-smile out of her anyway.

She sat on the edge of the bed, tucking her hair behind her ear. If she was wondering if it was bad dreams, or if he was still afraid his body will suddenly turn against him again, or if he was more terrified about what he's meant to do with this one life than he's letting on (check, check, and check) she didn't say, and he relaxed.

"Want to watch telly? I can order in curry," she offered.

They don't wind up watching telly, because they were too busy talking. The people next door probably hate them for how hard they laugh, even after they try to shush each other several times, and they chuck bits of chicken at each other, staining the couch a bright yellow in some places, and it's the most natural, safest thing in the world.

Rose fell asleep around one. The Doctor was close to joining her when the phone he'd left in his jacket rang from the kitchen and bounced off the high ceiling.

"I thought you'd be asleep by now," says Jack.

"I know what you're thinking, and no, we weren't," the Doctor grunts. "What do you have for me?"

"I got the test records. It's like you thought," Jack says, and he's very quiet. "The first time she was tested, a month after she got here, her IQ scored 119.8, which is already fairly high. Torchwood employees undergo biannual tests, to monitor mental as well as physical health to make sure they can still perform in the line of duty- psych tests, telepathic scoring, blood pressure, IQ, all that jazz." He hears paper rustling. "Six months after her first test, her Telepathic Scoring had gone up 11%, and her IQ had gone up nearly five points."

The Doctor's blood chilled, and he was suddenly wide awake. "Do you know of any material, radiation, any sort of- foreign energy she may have been exposed to in that time?"

"Nothing. No one else in her team, or in the entire facility, experienced any sort of jump like that in their tests."

He swallowed. "And her results now?"

More paper rustling. "Last time she was tested… Telepathic scoring at level 4, IQ at 149.8."

_Gods_. He rubbed his eyes. "Rose has a doctorate?"

"In Temporal Physics," Jack confirmed, and he sounded a bit grim. "And she got it in four years. Tested through the pre-requisites or something."

He'd always known Rose was brilliant, but she couldn't be that brilliant. "Schedule a new evaluation for her. I'll call you back." He hung up and padded back into the living room.

Rose looked the same as she always had- soft, beautiful, maybe a bit thinned out and older looking from what she'd been through, but definitely not showing signs of neural collapse, and very very human.

He still had trouble falling asleep.

* * *

It was a unanimous decision not to leave the flat all day, or at least, not until late afternoon.

Clothes were an issue.

His clothes from the day before were stained with the rusty, rank stains of blood, from the knees to the elbows, and he'd even managed to get it all over his oxford. And he'd neglected to bring anything else. "I was… in a hurry. I forgot to pack any extra clothes, the hospital must still have them," the Doctor scratched the back of his neck, which Rose was thinking about wringing in a moment, as he's only wearing a pair of boxers and a bloody undershirt and she'd failed to notice last night. "By any chance do you have a pair of shorts or something that might fit so I don't have to wear a sheet?" he asked hopefully. "Though, I have done that before. A sheet and a toe-tag. That was an interesting regeneration…"

"Er, I could see... I could check what I have." she swallowed, skin prickling.

She led him back to her room and dug through her drawers, blushing a little as she sifted through lacy knickers and bras. "You're pretty thin, so you'll probably fit some of these okay." Sexily skinny, was more like it. Rose shook her head. Where had  _that_  come from? "Well, looks like I have some blue gym shorts. Or some capris, but they're pink. Unless you're into that sort of thing."

He laughed. How could he be so calm about this? "The gym shorts would be fine, thanks," he smiled gratefully. "I like blue! Good color, blue. Calms the psych, thought to be spiritual in many cultures. I'm going to change!"

"Yeah, me too." So that's how it was going to be, was it? Rose pulled the overlarge shirt over her head and threw off her track pants. She couldn't remember what she owned. She pushed around the back, and found a barely worn red vest top, the neckline dipping just the tiniest bit more than necessary. She pulled on a pair of denim shorts that went mid-thigh and observed herself in the mirror.

It was a hot day.

_He_  was going around in nothing but her shorts.

It was only fair.

Rose gathered her pyjamas and bloody clothes from the day before and went off to find the washer and dryer.

She found the washer and dryer, but she also found the Doctor, barely dressed. They both jumped. "My mistake, sorry, don't know my own flat, I should've knocked-" she stuttered.

The Doctor's freckles washed a splotchy pink. "No! No, you weren't... that is... I didn't have a spare shirt. I'll just... go find a sheet. Be back," he said, moving quickly past her, ears flaming.

"No, no, it's fine, I just wasn't... expecting it, is all." She touched his elbow to stop him, and saw the hairs on his arm raise. "It's okay, I'll just pre-spot my own, shall I? Same color as your suit, both dark, they... should..." she trailed off, cleared her throat.

"Yeah, should be fine," he said, still flushed, turning to look at her and reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "Not that I know too much about laundry... the TARDIS always handled that," he said with a slight chuckle, still feeling self conscious. Now that he wasn't startled and trying to make his escape, however, he noticed what she was wearing, and his blush deepened even further. He made a valiant effort to keep his eyes up top, but couldn't help looking her over in appreciation just once.

She bit her lip and put the washing powder in, before turning the washer on where it chucked the clothes back in forth in water and suds. "I guess I'll just have to teach you sometime, then. Mum had me doin' the laundry since I was in primary school."

She crossed her arms over her chest self consciously, and the curve of her breasts were compacted.  _Eyes up top eyes up TOP Doctor, you're a higher species, for the love of..._

"So… How will we start helpin' the TARDIS grow? Can we start that soon?" she grinned, snapping of his very focused thoughts of definitely not looking at Rose Tyler's breasts.

"Yes. Affirmative. Yessir, absolutely! The weather has to be right to start her growing, and we have to think of a safe place to keep her while she does... I was thinking Torchwood."

"What about that plasmic shell then? How do we... shatter it? Harmonics, I expect."

He looked up at her, surprised at the technical knowledge, which only increased his concern, though he didn't show it. "Yes. Weaken it using energy of a specific frequency, then match the harmonics and increase the power until it shatters on its own," he said distractedly.

Rose glanced at the said piece of TARDIS the Doctor had taken from his pocket and set on the dryer before putting his clothes in. His chest was very pale, a light sprinkling of dark hair going from his chest down to his navel, and then into his shorts. He had a scar low on his abdomen. How did a brand new body have a scar? Rose blinked, scolded herself, and saw him staring into space. "Oi? Head still here?" she said, waving her hand in front of his face. "Off in 16th century France snogging famous aristocrats, are you?" She didn't know quite where that come from, but it felt almost like a tiny unspoken grudge. He had snogged French Aristocrats?

He smirked a little at that, wiggling his eyebrows. "I'll never tell," he chuckled. And really, he wouldn't. Because he had been off somewhere, snogging someone. But she was anything but French Aristocracy. He cleared his throat a little as the silence stretched out, and he scrabbled for conversation. "Want to just... go relax on the couch?"

That was rather awkward thing to say. "Yeh- yeah. You wanna catch up a little more? I'm starvin', I can check what I have in the fridge." Anything to maybe loosen things up a bit. The ease of togetherness had vanished in the daylight, it seemed. But really, there wasn't a whole lot you could do when the other party wasn't wearing much more than a pair of pants.

"I'm guessing anything in your fridge is going to be questionable," he said hesitantly, backing out of the laundry room to let her pass. "You've been gone for almost a month."

"Oi, don't diss my food!" she barked, but couldn't hide the grin that curled her mouth. "'Sides, I have lots of non-perishables an' frozen things. I checked last night- I wasn't one for shopping much those last few months, I guess, an' I was barely here, so I wanted stuff that'd keep."

She brushed against him as she walked down her hallway, bare arm on bare chest, and it was all she couldn't do not to shiver. She dug into the freezer and the gust of chilled air cooled her flushed skin. "There's ice lollies." She pulled open the pantry. "Jam. Crisps. Breakfast cereal. A bit sparse, like I said, I wasn't home much. What do you want?"

His breath caught a little as she brushed past, though it had nothing to do with his weakened lungs. A trail of goosebumps following her touch. He took a moment to gather herself, then wandered after her into the kitchen, watching her root around. "Jam!" he said cheerfully, leaning in past her to grab it, chest pressing against her back for just a moment before he spun away triumphantly, grinning like a child as he opened the jar and stuck his fingers in, pulling them out to suck at them happily.

"Hey! Tha's my jam, you can't just go sticking your fingers in it if you're not gonna share!" she scolded, snatching the jar back and sticking her own fingers in it, scooping up the scarlet of raspberry preserve and sucking on her own to fingers almost delicately, her lips staining a little.

His lips left his fingers with a light pop, and he pouted. "Aw, come on, been living on hospital food, haven't I? Have you seen what passes for 'food' these days? Honestly, you would think you humans would take better care of the poor, hungry invalids," he said over dramatically, putting his hand to his heart. Then he frowned, exasperated, as realized he'd just gotten jam remnants all over himself. He shook his head, then looked over at Rose, bottom lip wobbling farcically.

She crossed her arms for a moment before sighing in resignation. "Oh, fine, we can share, jus' don't hog it all to yourself, raspberry is my favorite." She sucked the last of the jam off her thumb and caught sight of the stickiness he'd just managed to get all over himself. "Oh for goodness sake-" she began, automatically reaching forward to wipe the splatter off, but froze when her fingertips brushed the sprinkling of hair. She hovered there for a moment too long and pulled away, scratching her wrist and clearing her throat. "Um, there should be paper towels here somewhere. Wanna go watch telly?"

He grinned a little, reaching out to re-dip his fingers, then freezing as she went after the jam on his chest. Her fingers were a hair's breadth above his skin, and it burned and tingled, his skin flushing a little under the not-contact. He realized he was holding his breath only when she pulled away, and he nodded, turning away quickly to find paper towels. He grabbed one, running under water that was like ice, and rubbing of the jam, swallowing back a yelp at the cold, intent on shocking himself into keeping his senses about.  _You've been practically celibate for centuries and managed, keep it together._  The voice sounded vaguely like Donna's.

She flicked on the large flat screen tv, settling on the sofa and clicking through the channels as an easy distraction.

He tried to give her her space, he really did, however, it seemed in her quest for openness, Rose had not opted for a very large couch. He folded his lanky frame into the far side, trying not to invade her space, and watching the television with some interest.

Rose risked a glance under her lashes at him. His skin almost seemed to glow a little bit, despite the slight sallowness in his face. Although he'd scooted to the far end, she could feel the heat from his skin, which was puckered beautifully with goose pimples. The gym shorts were synthetic and fell over his form thinly, the slight lump between his two slender thighs shifted slightly to the left. She coughed and generously offered the jam jar back to him again, barely even paying attention to the screen. "After they're dry, we can go get you some more clothes. S'that alright?" she attempted casual smalltalk, shifting slightly uncomfortably against the couch cushion.

"Sounds like a great idea. I could use some clothes. Jackie got me a few, but I've not been really shopping in ages! Did you know, there's a planet in the Lastronix system that's made of nothing but discarded clothes? Brilliant thrifting experience." He pulled his fingers out of his mouth, long tongue extending to run along his spidery digits, catching whatever jam was left. He smiled over at her, eyes warm, taking her in. Part of him still couldn't believe she was there, safe, with him, and he held her gaze for a few seconds, just making sure. Then he returned his attention to the telly, smiling a little and pulling his feet up, absently, jumping slightly as they brushed against her leg.

"It's okay." Why were they so awkward touching each other, even on accident? The vest top and shorts had been a bad idea. Just more bare skin to accidentally brush against. Take away a few layers of clothing and suddenly everything became much more... difficult. She crossed her legs self-consciously, the shorts riding up a little and the glimpse of a lacy bra peeking out from the neckline of her shirt. She vaguely watched the screen, a nature programme, which described the life and mating ritual of a kiwi bird. "D'you remember when we saw those creatures on Shallacatop that one time?  _That's_  what they reminded me of." She remembered realizing it, lying awake in bed one night, and then crying when she realized she couldn't tell him. "It drove me crazy, I couldn't think of the name."

He considered for a moment, then started laughing. It wasn't quite the strong, easy laugh that they were both used to, but despite the occasional gasp for air, it wasn't too different either. He reached up to wipe at his eyes, still chuckling, and shook his head. "Rassilon, Rose, I missed you. A lot." He grinned at her, doing his best not to notice how the shorts hugged her hips, or the hint of a bra that her shirt revealed. His gut tightened a little, but the smile remained.

His wheezy laugh diffused a little bit of the tension. The corner of her mouth twitched up. "I think I missed me, too." For the moment, she was glad she couldn't remember everything. Maybe it was good, not remembering being unhappy. She looked at him warmly, the enormous smile riding up feathery laugh lines, and for the first time that wasn't in her blurry memories, Rose saw a little bit of that old glint in his sad brown eyes.

She rubbed at her nose as the calming voice of the narrator talked about a Kiwi Bird's eating habits. The curve of her calf rested on the back of the couch cushion as she wrapped her arm around her legs. "Am I takin' up too much room?"

"It's  _your_  couch," he pointed out with a chuckle. "Here." He sat back, patting his lap a little. "You can kick your feet up here! If that's more comfortable," he added a little shyly, trying to break past the layer of ice that remained.

She looked at him, startled at his sudden, slightly weird offer.  _Okay, why the hell not?_  Bashfully, Rose straightened her legs a little, gently putting them on the thin stalks of his folded legs. She winced when she saw her feet;  _that's_  why the hell not. They were calloused, blister and the nails slightly long. Plus, her toes were ugly. How could she have forgotten about how ugly she thought her toes were? And now it was too late to put them down. Fuck.

He looked over at her, surprised and pleased, smiling and settling back to keep watching about Kiwis, one arm draping across her shins, hand resting on her ankle. After a few minutes, he started absently tracing Gallifreyan words on her skin with his thumb, just random snippets from his wandering thoughts.

She curled her toes at the warmth of his hand on her shin. The kiwis really didn't seem interesting at all, whether or not they looked like those weird things on Shallacatop. Skin on skin, what was so weird about that? It wasn't like his hands or her legs were especially intimate places; she used hers for running, him for building things, or sucking on them when they were covered in jam... It slowly became a bit more natural, and his unconscious caressing brought back some of that safe feeling. "Hmmm," she murmured, relaxing. "You gonna just let the jam sit there?" she asked in a slightly thick voice. "Gimme."

"Hmm?" he asked, looking up. It took him a moment to process what she had said. He twisted around, grabbing the half-empty jar off the end table.

"Yeah, thanks."

"Hmm," he mumbled distractedly, tracing the line of her neck, down along her clavicle, bare skin and lace... Ohhh, no, bad bad bad. New body or not, he was still a dirty old man. A dirty old man who should know better. Loving her had been one thing, this was robbing from the cradle, this was… And  _she_  was... His eyes snapped up, and he felt a bit warm, despite his lack of clothing. They should really open some windows, her creamy flesh was almost sparkling with the beginnings of perspiration, gleaming across the bridge of her nose and the valley between her breasts. He could smell her- the barest hints of ammonia and urea, estrogen and oohh, how would she taste? Bloody hell, where had all that control gone? For years he'd managed with her around, just directing the influx of blood elsewhere, shutting off the production of certain hormones when he needed to; apparently all that was out the window as soon as he was the slightest bit human.

Bollocks. He resolutely looked at the ceiling, which was much safer territory, stiffly holding out the jar.

What was wrong with him? Rose reached into the jam jar a little moodily, and therefore, a little clumsily. Between that and him blindly handing it over, it skidded across the wide living room, the purple-red splattering on the once-spotless white carpet. "Oh shi-" she growled, pulling her legs off his knees and and running across the room. " _Fuck_."

He jumped at the clatter, and his eyes widened a little. "Oh! Sorry! Hold on!" he said, leaping to his feet and going to soap up a dish rag, bringing it back. "Here," he said, kneeling beside her and trying to get the jam off the floor. "Sorry, so sorry."

"It's alright, I hated this carpet anyway," she laughed a little. "Now I have the excuse to put some new ones in; bring some color in the room."

She was gorgeous when she laughed, even when she was a bit frazzled. He swallowed, averting his eyes, scrubbing at the quickly-setting stain. At least the jar hadn't broken.

Rose looked up, saw his hair wobbling in front of her eyes, his face, felt his breath on her cheek, the tiny muscles in his neck and shoulder flexing as he struggled to wipe up the mess. And Rose wasn't sure  _what_  happened, but all of a fucking sudden she was messily pressing her lips to his.

The Doctor was focusing on the consistency of the carpet and then all of a sudden there were lips and tongue and  _Rose_ , and it took his brain a while to re engage, but kissed her back on instinct-

Rose felt the hardness of his teeth under his lips that were sticky sweet with raspberry preserve, and she wasn't quite sure  _when_  she realized what she was doing, but as soon as she did, she jerked away, gasping. "I- sorry, sorry-" she stuttered again.

Now he was the one who looked frazzled, still startled, breathing a little fast, eyes a mix of nervous and eager, and he tried not to let his heart get crushed when she apologized. He swallowed a little, getting a handle of himself. "I...  _I_  certainly didn't mind, if that's what you're concerned about," he said, his voice quiet and unsure.

Her cheeks flushed almost dark enough to match the  _bloody_  jam that had gotten her into this mess in the first place. "Doctor, I... I don't remember everything'. You don't know me anymore, an' I'm all fucked up; I can barely even remember you. And the Rose you knew before we were separated, that teenager you talk about in all your stories, who was silly an' heroic and' worried about every single person she met- even I remember enough to know, she's  _gone_ , I've changed, Doctor," she bit her lip.

He hesitated. "Rose... You may not have all the memories that you used to, but.. you're still you. I can't put it any other way. I can tell you've changed… since then. But you're still the driven, compassionate, intelligent woman that I fell in-" he stopped, realizing that might be the wrong thing to say. "That I met, and I still care about you, more than I care about anyone else."

Rose tried not to shake, tried not to hope, and curled her hands into fists. "I was cruel to you. You may not say, but I can tell. I was. An' don't try to make up excuses for me, either." Her knees squelched as she lifted them slightly out of the jam. "I'm sorry if I messed things up, I really have no idea what we were before-"

He watched her, surprised, mouth opening and closing a little as he tried to interject. Finally he sighed, got up his courage, and cut her off. With a kiss. Gentle, quick, but it did the job. "Rose, I  _never_  stopped caring about you."

She pressed her lips together, taking a deep breath, still tasting him. "I don't know who I am anymore. I want to be with- But what if I'm too different? I can't give you what you need."

"You're  _exactly_  what I need. You always have been." His thumb brushed against her lips. "Maybe you can't see it, but the rest of us can. You're still Rose. You're always Rose, no matter which version that is. And I care about every version." He swallowed, and his eyes were nearly black. "When you're ready- if you're ever ready- I'm always going to be here."

Rose's eyes fluttered shut as he brushed her mouth again, softly. She licked her lips nervously. "And if I'm ready now?" she heard herself asking.

Strangely, he wasn't panicking any more. It was so surreal, he was partially convinced it's one of his daydreams. "Then I've been waiting my whole life," he smirked, eyes on hers, darting down to her lips as her tongue emerged for a second, then back up to meet her gaze. "Quite literally."

Rose looked at him for exactly four-point-eight seconds before lunging forward again, her mouth soft and sugary and definitely driven.

Her tongue pressed through his lips, and she made the most dizzyingly beautiful moan when she nibbled lightly on his bottom lip.

He shivered, reaching out to pull her closer, right into his lap. His hands slid up over her back, fingers tightening in her shirt, biting at her lip in return before moving to scrape his teeth against her jaw, sucking her skin.

Bloody hell, she should have known that he'd be big on biting, kissing, and sucking, with his obvious oral fixation. She wrapped an arm around his back, feeling that mole between the shoulder blades he'd mentioned so long ago, yes it  _was_  there.  _Love the mole_ , he'd grinned. Oh god, she loved it too. She didn't do it consciously, but her thumb hooked to the front elastic of his shorts, the palm of his hand resting on the rustling lump beneath. When she realized, she whispered huskily, "Do you... do you want...?"

He groaned against her neck as she pressed her palm into him, but his hands stilled. Did he… did he want? Was that even fair, with her missing most of her memories? "I don't know," he mumbled at first. "Been so long, I don't know if I'll be…"

She kissed his ear. "You'll do fine," she promised. "But we don't have to."

"I  _want_  to," he grunted. "I want…" He bit down just hard enough to leave a mark before he soothed it with his tongue. He kissed his way up to her ear, his five-o'clock shadow scraping gently against her neck. "I want anything and everything you're comfortable with, but nothing more."

She pressed her forehead into his shoulder. The animal that felt like it had been dead for years waking up and growling, hungry. It worked it's way down, groaning for more more more, and Rose grabbed him fully in her palm, through the satiny folds of the gym shorts.

His hips jolted forward a little against his will, and he groaned, low and gravelly in her ear. His hands found the edge of her shirt, sliding underneath, cool palms pressing against the hot planes of her back, rubbing over them, pinkies tracing her spine on either side, his hips rolling underneath her a little as he pulled back to kiss her again.

She pressed against his long palms, and his hips jolted underneath were the burning was growing, his erection pressing into her inner thigh for a moment. Her hands and knees were scrabbling in the sticky, slippery jam, and everything was messy and tacky on their writhing limbs, but she didn't really care. She forced herself to take her hand away from him to slip underneath her blouse, find his scrabbling to undo the hooks on her bra. Rose pulled away a bit. "Here, let me…" she rushed to unsnap the hook.

He pushed the shirt over her head, pulling the bra away seconds later. His hands floated ever so gently to the lines of her ribs, until she shifted a bit uncomfortably under his unwavering gaze. "You're perfect, Rose, you're…" He leaned forward, sliding her off of his lap and laying her back on the floor. He leaned over, tongue finally circling the dark point of her nipple, his hand weighing the other in his palm.

Rose's back arched off the sticky floor as his expert tongue teased over her right nipple, felt it harden and pucker under his mouth's constant attention. Her hips popped as she opened her knees by instinct, sinking to the floor. She grunted at his teasing, but he showed no sign of taking mercy.  _Two can play at that game._  With more than a touch of vengeance, she dove into the cotton of his pants and squeezed, heat flooding her palm as he grew even harder. He felt different than other blokes- velvety somehow, the skin on the outside with more give to it.

He gasped against her breast, and he rolled his hips towards her hand. Then he resumed what he'd started, sucking and scraping his teeth very lightly as his own hands shakily made quick work of the tie on her shorts.

Still running her fingers down his cock, Rose rolled her spine and, with the flexibility and quickness of a gymnast, wrapped her bent legs around his waist. She hooked her feet into the waistline of his shorts and boxers, and began to slowly work them down his waist.

The Doctor looked up at her, eyes dark, tongue tracing slowly over her skin as he pushed himself up enough to shimmy out of his shorts and pants, and practically ripped down her zip.

Rose sat up halfway onto her elbows to get a full look at him. The Doctor was kneeling between her spread thighs, all narrow hips and bright skin. She bent her head, and he shifted nervously. His cock was standing up against his stomach, and even from her view, it looked symmetrical. Like, unusually symmetrical.

She moved to hold it again, and he flinched a bit. "You alright?" she murmured, looking up at him through her hair. He looked scared again, but he nodded. "You sure?" Another nod, a touch eager this time.

She wiped her sticky raspberry-covered palm on her thigh and took him in her hand. At first glance, it looked almost completely human- average thickness, slightly beyond average length. Again, she notes its freakish symmetry and how the skin is unusually textured. It has a different elasticity, over-  _oh, fuck yes_ \- a pattern of pronounced ridges. Subtle purple veins flow from base to tip, and Rose felt weird calling a bloke's cock  _pretty_ , but that's what it is. His head was flushed and looked fairly normal, but, upon quick observation, was unusually thin-feeling. She gave the whole thing an experimental stroke, and he gasped loudly- Rose watched in fascination and increasing arousal as the ridges became more pronounced. "Rose- stop," came the Doctor's strangled gasp.

She froze. "Sorry, did I hurt you?"

"No,  _fuck_ \- no, s'brilliant, it's just, if you keep- I won't be able to last."

She nodded, letting him go with some reluctance. He licked his lips, and looked nervous again.

"It's a bit- is it alright? Is it too different?"

"Oh, god, no," Rose nearly laughed. "I mean, you said you were alien, I was expectin' a lot more different."

" _Part_  alien," he corrected her, but he was smiling again. He knelt between her legs, sliding his palms slowly up the inside of her thighs, his eyes never leaving hers.

The space between her legs flooding with warmth. Her chest heaved, hands vibrating with nervousness and pent up energy. She hooked a thumb around the white cotton of her thong and began to pull it down one hip.

He reached up, hand covering hers and pushing the thong down the rest of the way, pulling it off of her legs, shifting a little to let it pass, before he reached out to smooth a hand over the soft skin of her lower belly. He bent to kiss her hip, biting gently, before he moved his lips along the curve of her hip towards the inside of her thigh, his hands, pushing her legs a little farther apart.

Rose almost hiccuped at the euphoric sensation of his mouth so near the source of the warmth, now elevated to an impatient burning. His fingertips ran over the taut skin of her abdomen, brushing the curling dark hair between her pelvic bones for only a moment. Getting some of her sense back, she ran her hand down the back of his head. Every twitch of his skin, bat of an eyelid, muscle moving in that hollowed cheek, was beautiful, unreal. He moved like a seal in water, his movement so fluid it  _was_  very alien.

The Doctor hummed low in his throat, pressing a little against her hands, goosebumps erupting under her touch. He was trying to seem controlled, but in all honesty he was both terrified at how much he needed her. Oh, gods, he could smell her, the perspiration, pheromones- oxytocin, testosterone, and ohhh, that familiar whiff of Epinephrine- adrenaline. He took another moment worshiping the inside of her leg with his long tongue before he couldn't stand it anymore. His tongue dipped into her, and he moaned against her as he tasted  _Rose_  for the first time, swallowing around her aroma, his fingers gripping her thighs.

She gasped harshly as his tongue flicked in, circling the fleshy ridges along the outside. It was better than she'd imagined- and yes, she suddenly remembered, she had imagined this many,  _many_  times before. His nose nudged against her clit before he moved residence up there, sucking sporadically. For a bloke who said it had been a while, Rose thought hazily, he knew his stuff. She could feel the beginning of an orgasm climbing, and she dug her fingers into the back of his head as his warm tongue flicked in and out of the increasing wetness, like he couldn't decide which parts to focus on. It was just enough persistence to get a reaction before he moved on, and she tugged harder at his hair in irritation at being treated like his own personal samples tray.  _Fuck him and his oral fixation,_  she thought hazily, head rolling back and hair sticking in the jam.

He could feel her moving, her hips lifting slightly with his movements, and he grinned, sliding his tongue into her as deep as he could go, hooking it slightly and pressing against her walls before he began thrusting slowly. A moment later he moved his hand over from her thigh, sliding a finger in along with his tongue, increasing his speed a little.

She was breathing so hard it scraped her throat, she bent her neck backward, toes curling. The curl of his finger pressed onward, curving into a place that created hot sparks of bliss.

Colors were blinking before her eyes, and she cried out again, quietly, as she spasmed around his tongue and finger, lights and galaxies erupting brilliantly there. He jolted in surprise at the sudden quaking movement and then - _Phenylethylamine_!- as she came all over his chin, and his cock throbbed with need.

"God…  _fuck_ …" Rose sighed, rubbing her eyes. They were quiet for a while, but it's a tired, comfortable quiet.

After a few minutes, Rose sat up on her elbows a little, kicking at his forearms a bit. When he propped himself up, taking his fingers and mouth away, she awkwardly shimmied underneath him until their eyelines were almost even again. "Me... let me..." she murmured, sideling a hand down his chest nearest to where she felt the hard spot pressed into her leg.

She watched his adam's apple rise and fall. "What do you want?" he asked, his voice rough, as he put his fingers inside her again. His eyes were black.

He looked a strange mixture of carnal and strikingly earnest. His thumb brushed across her clit teasingly.

She bent her legs outward, took hold of the pressure against her inner thigh and watched his eyes glitter with a certain animal urge. Rose shivered, and tugged a little to where his fingers were burrowed.

He arched his back, his fingers twisting within her involuntarily as his mouth fell open in a low moan. "A-alright, you win," he said, nodding and removing his fingers slowly. He pushed himself up, lithe body shining with a light layer of sweat. He leaned over her, his back curving as he bent to bite at her neck, the head of his cock rubbing against her.

Rose put a hand gently to the back of his neck, fingers pressing into his skull as he ran across the opening. "Don't I always?" she rasped, wriggling a little bit to position herself better. A bead of perspiration streaked down her temple, and she licked her lips, managing a shaky smile.

"That's tr- _mmh_ \- true," he muttered against her neck, pulling back to look at her, eyes holding hers as he shifted his hips forward, pausing for just a moment. "You sure about this?" he asked suddenly.

She growled, wet, needy, and irritated. "Not unless  _you_  are," she hissed a bit viciously.

He was quivering in anticipation and need, she could see it, which only increased her ire. "It's alright if you're not ready, if you want to wait. Or we could move, somewhere more comfortable, not the floor-"

"No, no,  _no_!" she practically yelled. "Seriously Doctor, I mean it, I'm ready! I'm more'n ready!" She bucked her hips impatiently, starving for friction, for pressure, to have all of him.

"Alright," he said in surprise, not hesitating any longer, pressing forward into her, his eyes clamping shut at the tight heat. "Gods above, Rose..." he whimpered, his grip on her upper arm tightening, his other hand scrabbling slightly in the carpet.

Her mouth opened in a silent yelp as he pushed into her, and she covered him, he was in her, surrounding her, that sharp smell that had been the first thing she'd recognized waking up rattling in her throat. She clung to him like she was drowning, legs entangled, and squeaked as that strange, velvety skin  _rippled_  in her- she didn't know how else to describe it.

He remained still for a moment, his breathing uneven, letting both of them adjust, before he started to move, his hips rolling, pulling out of her slowly, then pushing back in, increasing the pace a little, shifting a little and sinking deeper into her this time, head falling back.

She clung to him, arms wrapped around his neck, breasts pressed into his chest as he lunged again and again, but she couldn't bare to close her eyes, not with him like this above her. His mouth was slightly open, and she saw the glint of his tongue behind his teeth.

Then suddenly, it was gone. The dumbstruck shock left his eyes, and he was fire, he was ice, he was rage. Every shred of hesitance, of witty, hyperactive nervousness and politeness was gone. The man in the Doctor's place was someone she could never have imagined before, someone he kept locked away but peeked through his eyes in the snapshot memories she has of him grabbing her around the waist to protect her from a werewolf, the possessive spark a roaring fire in his eyes as he slammed into her, again and again. The Oncoming Storm roared in his black eyes, in his gritted teeth, and she's trying so hard not to close her eyes, not even blink, like he'll disappear if she does.

In the carnal blur, he started to lose himself in Rose Tyler; her smell, taste, and the indescribable sounds she made all fill his bloodstream, but he felt the exact opposite of lost. He pressed against her, his belly rubbing against hers, forearms on the ground framing her head, fingers moving to bury in her hair, pulling her head back as he bit the flushed skin over her carotid artery, where the blood flooded fastest and closest to the surface, where it carried oxygen and adrenaline and it's as close as he can get to what his less primal instinct  _aches_  for as the darkness of his eyes started to light with gold.

She dug her nails down his back, leaving long red stripes along the skin. Time- she didn't know how else to describe it, but something intangible, invisible- burned off every vibrating atom in the musky-sweet air, in the sticky slide-drag of their bodies. She tightened her hold around the back of his neck, pressing her face into the sharp angle of his shoulder as the ridges she'd admired earlier increased the friction, and the weird vibrating of the skin sent small shockwaves up through her nerves and- oh god, now he's  _moaning_  and making everything  _worse_ -

The Doctor groaned again, and increased the rhythm to a 3:8 time signature. He felt unlike he had in a long time. Complete. Powerful.  _Safe_. His movements were inhumanly fast and precise, even in his part-human and weakened body, and his eyes were warm and bathing his cheekbones is a gold golw. Desire and pleasure tightened in his muscles, and he knew he was close.

Rose gurgled, hanging on the precipice, shoulder blades raking into the stickiness of the carpet, and she looked into the Doctor's eyes. She froze; they radiated a golden energy, but instead of shock or fear, she felt an undeniable familiarity. Was that singing, humming between the atoms of that invisible aura? Was she imagining it?

And then he was moving again, and she  _definitely_  wasn't thinking about that anymore, and he was so fast and powerful and confident and someone was screaming, it might have been her, it might have been him-

His eyes clamped shut for a second as she tightened spasmodically around him, but they opened again seconds later, his chest heaving as he started utilizing all the power and speed available to him. He could feel her tightening around him, could see the tension in the set of her forehead, and he pressed the side of his head to hers, lips right by her ear. "Come for me, Rose."

Rose shivered quietly, and began moving with speed to rival his own, grinding forward against the direction of his own hips. The wolf within her howled as the universe exploded out through every nerve ending, the muscles and flesh seizing powerfully around him as she fulfilled her duty.

The Doctor watched her face, able to pinpoint the exact moment she fell apart, memorizing it, and then he couldn't think any more as she tightened around him in waves, over and over, making him cry out in ecstasy. He couldn't hold anything off for long, not like this- The Doctor yelled as the gold in his eyes flashed almost blindingly and he exploded inside her.

His precise movements went sloppy right before the hot burst of him echoed up through her body, her ears ringing at the sudden burst of light. She gave one final seize, and then they were both still, hot and exhausted.

Sweat and jam and cum stuck between their skin as the Doctor sank into her, his breath puffing into the side of her neck. Rose's eyes were burning from the effort of keeping them open, and she finally squeezed her them shut, seeing the leftover splash of color dot her vision.

The Doctor took a deep breath. The air smelled of sweat, sex, carpet cleaner, dust, and something sweeter. The jam, he realized a second later. The ends of Rose's hair brushed across his face, and he could also smell her shampoo. He opened his eyes slowly, feeling completely spent, and reached up to brush a hand along her face, kissing the side of her neck lazily.

She closed her eyes as his lips slowly pressed to her throat, and then started giggling.

The Doctor frowned, his lip protruding, and he looked so beautiful, with his hair sticking up on an angle, his eyelids dipping, and so thoroughly shagged, that she laughed harder. " _What_?" he pouted further.

"I just fucked…. a bloody alien…. on the floor... in mother. Fucking. Jam." And weirder, she'd  _loved_  it. Possibly best sex she'd ever had. Did she say that last bit out loud? Judging from the way he was preening, it looked like it. Granted, none of the boyfriends she remembered had ever been much interested in more than sticking it in, thrusting a few times, and rolling over to sleep. She bit her lip, then corrected herself. " _Part_  alien," she grinned.

The Doctor wrinkled his nose. "Eh,  _mostly_  alien," he admitted, tapping her nose. "Microscopic bit of fingernail, some skin cells, doesn't account too much to the metacrisis process."

They nodded soberly at one another, and promptly burst out into gasping laughter. The Doctor rolled off her with a groan, eyes watering as he struggled to catch his breath. He coughed a bit, before going back to laughing.

Rose groaned between chuckles at the tingling soreness between her legs, breathing in his musty smell.

The Doctor managed to wind down his own laughter, pushing himself to his knees with a grunt. Somehow, even like this, on a floor covered in jam, she still managed to look amazing. In a fucked-in-jam sort of way. His face lit up with a shit-eating grin. "Best sex of your life," he sang.

His wet skin glistened in the midday sunlight, the ferocious insatiability in his eyes had faded back to that friendly sparkle. "Don't let it get to your head. I may not be remembering everything. 'Sides, this bloke in grade nine had a huge-"

"Lalala!" he said cheerfully, plugging his ears. "What's that? You want to do it again sometime to make sure? Well, just let me know," he said, winking and rolling to collapse cheerfully onto the floor next to her.

"You know. Just to gather evidence."

"Hmm. Correlate scientific data to support the hypothesis," he agreed.

"Maybe we can prove it, make a scientific law, write a thesis about it," she grinned, tongue peeking between her teeth.

He was suddenly dizzy; how long had it been since he'd seen that smile? The pink caught between her teeth in the way that only Rose did- years? Since before the Ghosts? It had to be.

But Rose didn't notice his stunned look, covering her eyes in exhaustion and exasperation. Still smiling. "Shit. What happened anyway? We were just talking on the sofa- watching those fucking kiwis-" she vaguely realized that the screen was still on, but the program had shifted its focus to capybaras.

"Well, that would be when you sneak-attack kissed me, I believe-" he grinned, throwing an arm around her waist. "-it was very nice, by the way-" he smiled. "Then you had a moment of panic and I was very romantically reassuring-"

"Because you wanted to get shagged!"

"-and then you proceeded to kiss me again, which of course, led to me brilliantly pleasuring your clitoral and vaginal- ow!" he broke off when Rose swatted him in the shoulder.

"I  _know_  what happened, I was  _there_ ," she scoffed, but there's that smile again, the one with the tongue.

Now that the adrenaline and instinct of the moment was clearing from the air, he felt strangely self-conscious. He knew that couldn't have been what she was used to, and though she'd  _seemed_  satisfied -more than- and said it was good, part of him feared she was just being kind. And she'd seemed very interested in his penis. Maybe too interested? Was it weird, or not the right shape, or- He shifted a little, his finger tracing words again, on her hip this time, around the freckle he'd first caught sight (and obsessed over) on a trip to a Myronian beach so many years ago. He sighed slightly, unsure of where they stood in so many different ways.

Rose burrowed her face into the curve of his shoulder and breathing in happily. She smiled at the Doctor calmly, enjoying the affectionate touch. Rose grunted and leaned up slightly, propping her face in her hand. "Mm, this may be a weird time to mention it, but I've gotta ask- what was going on with your- eyes? Or was it just, my wild imagination in my throes of passion?" she said the last bit melodramatically ruffling his already wild hair.

He looked up from his thinking, and then chuckled, shaking his head. "No. Though your imagination is very wild, I'm sure. It's a time lord thing, and I've got to admit I'm a little glad that carried over, at least." He ducked his head, blushing a little, though he was still smiling. "When a time lord.. erm... approaches climax, our minds open up. It's similar to a connection we have with our TARDIS, comes from the Symbiotic Nuclei- anyway," he waved his hand, switching from bashful teenager to babbling, eccentric professor. "Generally with another time lord, the minds connect. It's a very vulnerable and open state, and it makes love-making that much more of an importance, or, well, it used to be. Physical intercourse was taboo for centuries, but- You meld with the other person's mind. It's avoidable, but it's natural for us to open up. At the same time, since our minds aren't as guarded, our connection to the vortex spikes. That's the gold."

Rose couldn't help feeling a bit disappointed, though fascinated. "I... I'm sorry I'm human and I can't fully do... what another of your kind could." She wondered vaguely about the first one his mind had opened to, what had become of her, if he had loved her. Or possibly him. He  _had_  mentioned being a father before. Oh,  _shit_. "Um, Doctor... since you're human, or mostly human, d'you think our bodies may be able to..." she hesitated, a bit unsure on how to put it. "...procreate?"

He stared at her for a long moment. He'd been focusing on her apology, on how to try to affirm to her that that wasn't at all a problem, that he didn't care, but then she asked that, and he just stared. Then.. "Shit." He sat up, running his fingers through his hair in agitation at this new possibility. "I've been so used to not having to worry about it, with Pythia's curse, and it's been  _years_ … And part human, could make it even more likely..." His eyes were shut as he tried to think, trying to remember if there was any precedent,  _anything_  like this at all… Well, there was. A bit. That this was definitely, distinctly, very not allowed. Not that he cared, but-

Rose put a hand on his shoulder. "Listen, relax. It'll be fine. I can get Plan B, for now. I'll pick it up an'... other things when we go out later." She'd fallen behind on her birth control subscription, and she'd had almost no use for  _condoms_  in years. "Just to- to be on the safe side," she cleared her throat. For gods sakes, Rose, you just had wild sex in fruit preserve with this man, you'd think that you'd be past getting flustered. "Shouldn't be a problem."

He nodded a little, sighing and pushing a sticky hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry. I'm not used to…" He gestured wildly and vaguely- "to being human, not that that's an excuse. I should have realized," he murmured. After a moment he shook himself a little, looking up. "Well, we'll sort it out. As for right now, what say we shower off? Out of jam, out of mess! Good as new! Well, your floor may have a permanent jam stain," he beamed, offering her a hand up.

"It's fine, no harm done. Well, maybe a little to my floor. But I told you, I want to get rid of all this white, I feel like I'm in bloody NHS." She took his hand and pushed herself off the floor with a little effort. "I really would kill for a cool shower."

"Luckily, that won't be necessary, as your showers don't seem to require a blood sacrifice. Now  _that_  was an interesting planet.  _Horrible_ , but definitely a different cultural basis. And to be fair they didn't actually have to kill the..." he trailed off, realizing he was rambling again, and walking off without her. She gave him an amused smirk. "Ah... shower? I mean, not like I'm inviting you, it's your house- wait, not inviting, not like I meant- I mean, if you  _wanted_  but we don't have to-" he stopped, beet red. "I think I'll shut up and go shower now," he mumbled.

Rose laughed for a bit before she finally decided to put him out of his misery. "Doctor, you just made me orgasm- twice. In jam, on the floor. I think we've reached that point."

"Are you-?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Shut up." She kissed him, slowly and smiling against his mouth. She pulled away and opened her eyes. "Well, would you look at that, the unstoppable gob's finally taken a breather. I never thought the day would come."

The Doctor blinked, then grinned. "I think I was just insulted," he quipped cheerfully, reaching up to push the floppy mop of hair out of his face, back into it's typical spiked up fashion. "So, allow me to try that a bit more gracefully. Would you like to shower alone, or together?" he asked, managing not to stumble on his words, though his face did redden.

Rose folded her fingers around his, their fingers automatically linking together. It's familiar. It's home. For a moment she remembered the sadder face of a blue eyed man wrapped all in leather, saw him brighten.

_I'm so glad I met you._

_Me, too._

She looked up into his downcast eyes, biting her lip around a big smile.

"Better with two."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. I warned you.  
> This. Chapter. Was. A Monster. It was a monster to edit, and a monster to rewrite. Half a dozen scenes in this chapter are brand new and written exclusively by me (Alexandra) to make the transitions smoother.  
> Also discovered- my style of writing has changed, and smut sounds much less awkward in present tense than past, but as the rest of the fic is in past tense...  
> And the sex scene was the third I'd ever written. It was painful for me, and it took much longer than I wanted to, but I'm happy to have it for you!  
> There was no beta for this thirty-eight paged chapter, so I won't be surprised if there are mistakes.  
> Next chapter is not quite as big a project, but still needs a lot of tweaking, so it may be a day late (again).  
> Thank you for reading!


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